Madonna will perform at halftime of Super Bowl XLVI in Indianapolis, according to a report by SB Nation.

The aging pop icon would join other artists such as Michael Jackson, U2, Aerosmith, Paul McCartney, Bruce Springsteen and The Who in playing the biggest annual sporting event in the world.

Madonna never uses a worldwide stage to draw attention to Madonna, so I can't imagine she'd do something to grab Monday morning headlines for herself. That would be so out of character for the woman who was responsible for the controversial "Like a Prayer" video, once released a book called "Sex," and kissed Britney Spears live on television. What, just because she's 53 they think she's gone soft?

People of my ilk will wring their hands at the selection -- she's too old, she's not relevant, her arms in high definition could be more offensive than Janet Jackson's left breast -- but who do they expect to perform for 100 million people? Nice as it may be, a twin bill of Arcade Fire and The Weeknd isn't getting the job done for 98 percent of the audience. Complaining about Super Bowl halftime selections is like fretting about the results of the Grammys. It's been this way for years, the choices aren't going to magically get better one day, nobody cares what we think and it doesn't really matter anyway. Plus, what's worse: Stale acts during halftime or the stale jokes that accompany them?

There's a very short list of artists with enough mass appeal to perform for the four-quadrant Super Bowl audience and all of them have potential hang-ups: Beyonce will either be nine months pregnant in February or will just have delivered her first child. Eminem has finally achieved mainstream acceptance (I know this because my mom recently asked me to upload that "Sky Full of Angels" song to her iPod) but runs the risk of protest from various groups looking for airtime.

Lady Gaga? Too unpredictable. Metallica? Too loud. Taylor Swift? Too young. Kanye? Too controversial. Radiohead? Too niche. The Eagles? Please, I'm eating. Rihanna? Give her a couple years. Elton John? Actually, Elton John would be awesome (just don't bring Billy Joel along).

What about Jay-Z, you ask? Don't worry. I'm wagering he'll be in New Jersey for the 2014 Super Bowl, performing a virtual duet with Frank Sinatra before Tony Bennett emerges from beneath the stage with one of the surviving members of The Ramones.