Awwww...

I JUST posted my thoughts and didn't even notice yours until afterwards, so I feel 4u. Lady Tee is like a Goddess to me too. I hope u feel better soon.

prodigalfan said:

For me it has been the lost of Teena Marie. For the first time I felt old. My musical heroine passed and it wasn't due to drug OD. It was natural causes.

So I learned that I'm at an age where I should start expecting my musical heroes to pass, and in fact that I should not be surprise when my own circle of friends (and yes, me too) are faced with pending death.

To me it hit pretty hard twice, ONE would be without a doubt Freddie Mercury, now, there was fear that something was wrong with him, but here in America, since the internet wasnt what it is now back then, lets remember Freddie was diagnosed in 1986, and signs started to show, in weight when "THe Miracle" came out in 1989, the internet was still a dream, now Freddie would never have had a chance to keep this undercover as long as he did. I mean even then on his deathbed people were hiding in pushes wanting that last photo. But the reason this hit me hard, more than being a fan, i was really into Queen, this was when i first started going to "Record RUnner" (those of you in NYC know it) and that was heaven for a Queen fan and imports and everything, I loved Queen so much in the 80's because i still was very young in the 70's when they blew up, so i remember hearing things because my older brothers had the records, but in the 80's when i was going to school and making tapes to put in my walkman on the way to school, Queen was always on there. So i did cry a little, but really dove into the music so much more after he died too.

Next would be Michael Hutchence, this destroyed me because i had just met the band a few months prior at a signing and just saw them play in NYC, and plus it wasnt a natural death, it was called suicide but i think now we all know it wasnt. But INXS was one three bands i had to have everything of, and i would say they were the first band i was buying and not have to worry if my brothers would buy them, i saved my allowance and bought the album when it came out, or on a saturday would go into record factory with my 1.10 and look at the chart and say give me number 77, and it was "Original Sin" on 45, so it was like someone that you knew was dieing, someone that gave you these great times growing up, now he was gone. I mean its like Richie Sambora said "when i grew up music was my friend" i always felt that for music and the artists that were there with me.

whitechocolatebrotha said:

Awwww...

I JUST posted my thoughts and didn't even notice yours until afterwards, so I feel 4u. Lady Tee is like a Goddess to me too. I hope u feel better soon.

prodigalfan said:

For me it has been the lost of Teena Marie. For the first time I felt old. My musical heroine passed and it wasn't due to drug OD. It was natural causes.

So I learned that I'm at an age where I should start expecting my musical heroes to pass, and in fact that I should not be surprise when my own circle of friends (and yes, me too) are faced with pending death.

i was quite sad/heartbroken upon the news of teena marie as well. and miriam makeba. and jim henson. but for me, since i consider michael to be my teacher, it hit me hardest.

the other celeb death I cried over was left eye, for a day or two, but I got over it really quickly and felt no more emotional connection, just memories

with michael I didn't cry right away though I wanted to, I was in too much shock to admit he's dead and it was bottling up, with only a little bit coming out each day...and still coming out.

i absolutely adore michael hutchence from inxs. i got a portrait tattoo of him

whitechocolatebrotha said:

Awwww...

I JUST posted my thoughts and didn't even notice yours until afterwards, so I feel 4u. Lady Tee is like a Goddess to me too. I hope u feel better soon.

prodigalfan said:

For me it has been the lost of Teena Marie. For the first time I felt old. My musical heroine passed and it wasn't due to drug OD. It was natural causes.

So I learned that I'm at an age where I should start expecting my musical heroes to pass, and in fact that I should not be surprise when my own circle of friends (and yes, me too) are faced with pending death.

Same here.

lastdecember said:

To me it hit pretty hard twice, ONE would be without a doubt Freddie Mercury, now, there was fear that something was wrong with him, but here in America, since the internet wasnt what it is now back then, lets remember Freddie was diagnosed in 1986, and signs started to show, in weight when "THe Miracle" came out in 1989, the internet was still a dream, now Freddie would never have had a chance to keep this undercover as long as he did. I mean even then on his deathbed people were hiding in pushes wanting that last photo. But the reason this hit me hard, more than being a fan, i was really into Queen, this was when i first started going to "Record RUnner" (those of you in NYC know it) and that was heaven for a Queen fan and imports and everything, I loved Queen so much in the 80's because i still was very young in the 70's when they blew up, so i remember hearing things because my older brothers had the records, but in the 80's when i was going to school and making tapes to put in my walkman on the way to school, Queen was always on there. So i did cry a little, but really dove into the music so much more after he died too.

Next would be Michael Hutchence, this destroyed me because i had just met the band a few months prior at a signing and just saw them play in NYC, and plus it wasnt a natural death, it was called suicide but i think now we all know it wasnt. But INXS was one three bands i had to have everything of, and i would say they were the first band i was buying and not have to worry if my brothers would buy them, i saved my allowance and bought the album when it came out, or on a saturday would go into record factory with my 1.10 and look at the chart and say give me number 77, and it was "Original Sin" on 45, so it was like someone that you knew was dieing, someone that gave you these great times growing up, now he was gone. I mean its like Richie Sambora said "when i grew up music was my friend" i always felt that for music and the artists that were there with me.

I was also pretty shocked by Hutchence's death. I really love INXS!!

And Freddy, there were rumours but still!! Both were pretty big issues!!

unique said:

there's never been an artist that burned out in their prime when they had a reasonable back catalogue and long time fanbase

you either have artists like james brown, ray charles or michael jackson who pass decades after their prime and long after they have done anything of note, or you have artists like jeff buckley or curt cobain who die young, but who haven't yet built up a long term fanbase. they may have died close to their creative peak, but as they haven't been around long enough, or at least anywhere near popular for long, it's not had such an effect

so your elder artists with a great catalogue pass, and people mourn the death, but they usually knew it was coming. perhaps not so much with elvis or lennon, but they long passed their creative peak

and your newer artists like curt, jeff, or even artists like hendrix and morrison, they died near the peak of fame, but they didn't have the long term career and catalogue with fans following them for decades before they died

thus people either didn't follow artists for long before they died, or they had followed them for so long that death wasn't unexpected

thus resentment and anger shouldn't come into the equation

Wut??

John Lennon

Freddy Mercury

Aaliyah

Left Eye Lopes

Tupac Shakur

Zappa

Marley

Layne Staley

[Edited 2/8/11 4:13am]

Spinlight said:

unique said:

there's never been an artist that burned out in their prime when they had a reasonable back catalogue and long time fanbase

you either have artists like james brown, ray charles or michael jackson who pass decades after their prime and long after they have done anything of note, or you have artists like jeff buckley or curt cobain who die young, but who haven't yet built up a long term fanbase. they may have died close to their creative peak, but as they haven't been around long enough, or at least anywhere near popular for long, it's not had such an effect

so your elder artists with a great catalogue pass, and people mourn the death, but they usually knew it was coming. perhaps not so much with elvis or lennon, but they long passed their creative peak

and your newer artists like curt, jeff, or even artists like hendrix and morrison, they died near the peak of fame, but they didn't have the long term career and catalogue with fans following them for decades before they died

thus people either didn't follow artists for long before they died, or they had followed them for so long that death wasn't unexpected

thus resentment and anger shouldn't come into the equation

Wut??

John Lennon

Freddy Mercury

Aaliyah

Left Eye Lopes

Tupac Shakur

Zappa

Marley

Layne Staley

in their prime when they had a reasonable back catalogue and long time fanbase? not those you mention

john lennon released some good stuff after the beatles, but a lot of shite too

freddy was past his prime

aaliya, lisa lopez, 2pac, alice in chains, didn't have "reasonable back catalgues". in reasonable, i mean big. most of them had 2 or 3 albums at best, and left eye wasn't at the height of fame either

zappa had a massive catalogue but he was old and past his 60s/70s hey day

marley wasn't in his prime either, but he along with lennon were probably the closest to it, as potentially they both could have put out some great music in later years. that's not to say that none of the above could have done so either, but the other younger artists mentioned didn't have the same following and catalogue. it's not like you've been following any of them through the 80s and 90s and they suddenly die after you've been buying their albums on a regular basis for 10+ years. there are some artists who arguably died at the peak of success and creativity and they live on a lot longer in peoples minds because they didn't start releasing a load of shite albums and fade into obscurity, or have a fan base who see them live in the hope of hearing the old stuff, and go to the bar when the new songs are on

I had to remember but when Luther Vandross died, I did actually cry. It took a while. When it got to "I Rather", I was all . I didn't realize how much impact he had on MY young life as a listener of R&B until that song came on and it was like "oh wow..."

I don't think there's anything wrong with those people who are obsessing over Michael's death. The truth of the matter is we all grew up on MJ and he's the foundation of American culture. I really believe that if it weren't for his history and what he did to break down racial barriers, America would not be what it is today. It's not only Politicians who can change the world. Perhaps Politicians can change the rules and what ppl are allowed to do, but it takes real respect to absolve racism in the hearts of others. MJ commanded worldwide respect and adoration, he made it cool to be a colored person. People wanted to be like him. He changed the way people think, however subconsciously.

The progressive state of the world today could not have been won over by politicians for sure. To change someone's heart you actually need to win their heart. That's what he did and that's what broke down the real barriers for all people, not just black people. He gave everything he had for us. Everything. In addition to everything he has given, he was also kind and gentle. Some think that his whole kind demeanor was a PR thing. Just to put things into perspective, he donated all the proceeds from his dangerous world tour to charities. Hard work, blood, tears, and sweat. Who in their right mind would pull a stunt like that? And maintain that act throughout the rest of their lives? There's a million stories out there about how kind and nice he was. I've been searching and searching and there has not been ONE single scrap of anything that indicated he was ever mean to any one person. I'd say that's a pretty inhuman record.

We owe this man alot. And I think that when he died, everyone was in shock because they didn't think it was actually possible, they, like I, thought he would always be around. I think then, people started to realize that they never believed those silly child molestation allegations. It was just there as a part of him. They associated his name with the same jokes but if you actually had to put your money on it...you would never actually consider it. This whole situation is messed up, because we realized too late, It's like water slipping through your hands, and you cannot take it all back. I'm not gonna sit here and blame the media or anyone but i'm still pretty pissed. Some of you might consider the hard core MJ fans out there to be "crazy" or must have some other issues in their lives. But Im pretty sure for me personally, I owe this to myself, and he's definitely worth a moment of insanity.

alphastreet said:

MJJstudent said:

for me though; i do consider michael to be my teacher... when he transcended a huge part of me was gone. i cried for about 16 days.

I'm still crying....but have other emotional problems anyway

I cry for him almost every time I drive home from school...

Girl, when he passed away I stayed home for 2 weeks. Didn't leave the house. Just cried. That whole summer I wore black. Every 25th of each month I dread...

But he lives in my heart...always. He always did...even when he was around still. I feel honoured to be able to say...I lived when Michael Jackson walked this Earth.

He influenced me to be a better person, a better everything really. And for that I'm forever grateful.

Besides...it's not really goodbye after all...

I've been saddened by the deaths of artists, probably most sharply by the 1994 death of the UK's up-and-coming Ephraim Lewis, who would've been huge, I suspect. But I've been fortunate so far that those artists who are truly MAJOR in my life are still with us.

Funny how much certain artists come to mean to us. They truly become a sort of background presence that helps contextualize not only our appreciation of just music, but of the very joy in life that music brings. Just two days ago, I stumbled onto a succession of Joni Mitchell tribute covers on a local jazz station -- and it scared the @#!% out of me!!! (Tributes like that often occur at an artist's death.) Turns out the DJ was just following a certain Joni theme, and everything was fine. But for a moment it made me face what losing a pillar of my personal sense of aesthetic would mean to me. And I didn't like it one bit.

I can think of several artists whose deaths would upset me, but right now I think Joni or Prince's would be the two that'd really mess me up.

[Edited 2/9/11 5:14am]

i couldn't eat when it came to michael... i did a radio show that night, for three hours. people had to get me to eat. a lot of people called and e mailed me, wanting to know if i was okay. people at the station wanted to know if i was gonna show up. i changed the whole show to make it for michael. my sister and mother called, worried about me.

i was actually listening to his music that day, preparing for my show. i then went upstairs, and my house-mates told me something had happened to him. i didn't beleieve them. my one house-mate said, "don't look at the computer." but i went ahead and did anyway. after that, i just didn't even know anymore... i felt hollow. a huge chunk of me was missing. he is my teacher... i dutifully got all my michael stuff together, as much as i could fit. when i got to the station, people were supportive. i got hugs, flowers... the first song i heard after this news when i got to the station was 'speechless', and i just lost it. that's exactly how i felt.

i did the show without tears, but after it was all over all i did was cry. i went to work the next few days and just cried. all these people came to my work and said "you were the first person i thought about." all these people came looking for me. people sent me cards. i cried for about 16 days.

i listened back to the show recently, and i just sounded so devastated. i still cry to this day about michael; he meant so much to me. he taught me a lot about myself.

and last week one of my closest friends also transcended... this friend and i shared many moments waxing poetic about michael and prince... he was more partial to prince (who was a strong musical influence); but he would always say, "yeah i love prince, but michael is the baddest man on the planet."

he and i actually developed (and performed) a show together, where we honored michael, my teacher. he was one of the most supportive people i have ever met in my life.

he was my rock; and both my teacher and rock are gone. so the wound has opened back up. but it's important to remember the lesson in impermanency... it's a gift we're given, so as not to remain too possessive of the people in our lives.

SherryJackson said:

alphastreet said:

I'm still crying....but have other emotional problems anyway

I cry for him almost every time I drive home from school...

Girl, when he passed away I stayed home for 2 weeks. Didn't leave the house. Just cried. That whole summer I wore black. Every 25th of each month I dread...

But he lives in my heart...always. He always did...even when he was around still. I feel honoured to be able to say...I lived when Michael Jackson walked this Earth.

He influenced me to be a better person, a better everything really. And for that I'm forever grateful.

Besides...it's not really goodbye after all...

he is that 'someone in the dark' for us...

this song always brought tears to my eyes. but since 25 june, i just break down in ways i never did before. he really does mean that much to me, and i'm sure to you, and many. he is giving us a message, knowing he would never be here forever, but his lessons would be. i think he was given the storybook to do, for a reason.

"i believe you and i could never really say goodbye..."

Aw I'm reading all these and nearly in tears again *big hug for everyone, especially sherry and student*

People were calling me too that hadn't spoken to me in awhile like friends, relatives etc. texting or leaving messages for a few days. I also remember wearing nothing but black and white and MJ t shirts and dressing sloppy all summer.

purplesweat said:

People like to think celebrities don't matter, they like to deride those who care about them on a personal level. But what those people don't realise is that real artists (I mean the actual artists not your average Kardashian nobody) are putting their heart and soul out there for public consumption so it makes sense that their fans feel a connection to them, to the point where they are more than just a favourite singer or a cool celebrity to them.

I don't think anyone should feel bad or stupid for loving an artist, I've loved MJ since I was 5 years old and that's not gonna change. I get a lot of shit here for loving Britney, too, but I don't care. Those two are my #1s forever.

So for me losing Michael was like losing a friend/family member because his music had always been there for me, the way a trusting friend is. The fact that he was such a loving, caring, peaceful person made his passing (or hoaxing whatever) even more painful, seeing "new" fans and finally seeing the love he'd always searched for in humanity - only once he was no longer here. I beat myself up sometimes at the fact that I wasn't more open about my love for him before then but haters can be scary (or just not worth it )

I never felt angry at him, maybe frustrated at him trusting people too easily/not standing up hard enough. But IMO that fault lies with them for taking advantage, not him for remaning a good person. I think if it is somehow proven Murray definitely did let him die (I don't think it ever will, where are those autopsy pics?) then I will feel so much rage and heartbreak but I don't think I could ever aim it at Michael directly. I know what insomnia/anxiety is like, obviously not on his level, but I could understand the frustration at not being able to sleep and then since he's MJ he knows he has the money/power to make it happen, even if it was life threatening.

If he hoaxed his death, I would hope it's for his kids/his own/his family/his fans (in that order) safety - I don't want him to come back one day and be all "See, media? Who's in charge now?!" If that happened I don't know what I'd do/feel....I really don't...I'd probably feel about him the way I feel about Prince now - indifferent but I still love his music. I couldn't care less about Prince the person, he's a douchenozzle and is singhandedly ruining/failing to preserve his own legacy. But what a legacy it is, all the same...

Michael - he was lost to me as a "favourite artist" many years ago. It is disconcerting to me that he integrally went away from the world, into a place that seemed to operate largely on whim and dysfunction and hiding, decades before his death. Where were the Jacksons during these years? What was really going on? What is really disturbing to me is how some in his family seem to be moving forward embracing delusional and self-serving notions that the world was too much for Michael. The Jacksons pay lip service to the ideas that there were “people” intent on murdering him, or stealing from him, or setting him up, in any of a dozen ways on any given newsday/payday - lack-a-day-sical folks seeming to look for something other than what they should be seeking from a brother. (Were they supportive of these ideas because they were looking to benefit from staying in his good graces?) I believe Michael’s family has a huge role, perhaps larger than Murray, in his passing. And Michael? Where was his responsibility to self? What about his responsibility to his children? [It really looks like Michael was using Propofol for quite some time, and with several different prescribers, before Murray agreed to such a Devil’s bargain. (Stupid and wrong Dr. Murray – break a deal, spin the wheel?!)] But I need to stop because it really is about me - wanting him to be here, putting out music to soothe the soul. My wanting to know he is ok. Wanting to somehow hit a Michael Jackson lottery and spend my days nurturing and supporting him in the ways he felt lacking.

alphastreet said:

Aw I'm reading all these and nearly in tears again *big hug for everyone, especially sherry and student*

People were calling me too that hadn't spoken to me in awhile like friends, relatives etc. texting or leaving messages for a few days. I also remember wearing nothing but black and white and MJ t shirts and dressing sloppy all summer.

thanks for your kind words...

MJJstudent said:

alphastreet said:

Aw I'm reading all these and nearly in tears again *big hug for everyone, especially sherry and student*

People were calling me too that hadn't spoken to me in awhile like friends, relatives etc. texting or leaving messages for a few days. I also remember wearing nothing but black and white and MJ t shirts and dressing sloppy all summer.

thanks for your kind words...

for both MJJStudent and alpha

allsmutaside said:

purplesweat said:

People like to think celebrities don't matter, they like to deride those who care about them on a personal level. But what those people don't realise is that real artists (I mean the actual artists not your average Kardashian nobody) are putting their heart and soul out there for public consumption so it makes sense that their fans feel a connection to them, to the point where they are more than just a favourite singer or a cool celebrity to them.

I don't think anyone should feel bad or stupid for loving an artist, I've loved MJ since I was 5 years old and that's not gonna change. I get a lot of shit here for loving Britney, too, but I don't care. Those two are my #1s forever.

So for me losing Michael was like losing a friend/family member because his music had always been there for me, the way a trusting friend is. The fact that he was such a loving, caring, peaceful person made his passing (or hoaxing whatever) even more painful, seeing "new" fans and finally seeing the love he'd always searched for in humanity - only once he was no longer here. I beat myself up sometimes at the fact that I wasn't more open about my love for him before then but haters can be scary (or just not worth it )

I never felt angry at him, maybe frustrated at him trusting people too easily/not standing up hard enough. But IMO that fault lies with them for taking advantage, not him for remaning a good person. I think if it is somehow proven Murray definitely did let him die (I don't think it ever will, where are those autopsy pics?) then I will feel so much rage and heartbreak but I don't think I could ever aim it at Michael directly. I know what insomnia/anxiety is like, obviously not on his level, but I could understand the frustration at not being able to sleep and then since he's MJ he knows he has the money/power to make it happen, even if it was life threatening.

If he hoaxed his death, I would hope it's for his kids/his own/his family/his fans (in that order) safety - I don't want him to come back one day and be all "See, media? Who's in charge now?!" If that happened I don't know what I'd do/feel....I really don't...I'd probably feel about him the way I feel about Prince now - indifferent but I still love his music. I couldn't care less about Prince the person, he's a douchenozzle and is singhandedly ruining/failing to preserve his own legacy. But what a legacy it is, all the same...

Michael - he was lost to me as a "favourite artist" many years ago. It is disconcerting to me that he integrally went away from the world, into a place that seemed to operate largely on whim and dysfunction and hiding, decades before his death. Where were the Jacksons during these years? What was really going on? What is really disturbing to me is how some in his family seem to be moving forward embracing delusional and self-serving notions that the world was too much for Michael. The Jacksons pay lip service to the ideas that there were “people” intent on murdering him, or stealing from him, or setting him up, in any of a dozen ways on any given newsday/payday - lack-a-day-sical folks seeming to look for something other than what they should be seeking from a brother. (Were they supportive of these ideas because they were looking to benefit from staying in his good graces?) I believe Michael’s family has a huge role, perhaps larger than Murray, in his passing. And Michael? Where was his responsibility to self? What about his responsibility to his children? [It really looks like Michael was using Propofol for quite some time, and with several different prescribers, before Murray agreed to such a Devil’s bargain. (Stupid and wrong Dr. Murray – break a deal, spin the wheel?!)] But I need to stop because it really is about me - wanting him to be here, putting out music to soothe the soul. My wanting to know he is ok. Wanting to somehow hit a Michael Jackson lottery and spend my days nurturing and supporting him in the ways he felt lacking.

from reading the AEG and sony documents and contracts, i would also say there was an intent to suck him dry and have him murdered. murray as well as michael were employees of AEG; and AEG threatened to take away his catalogs if he were not to do the shows. AEG executives added dates michael was not aware of... randy phillips actually stated this in an interview. michael owed so much money that he had no choice but to do these shows. ATV and MIJAC were put at risk. the goldman sachs documents are also important to read as well... it's pretty crazy.

the sony/ATV site actually states this; that if the 'estate' does not come up with their end of the funds, they will take another 25% of ATV. this is something he did not want, so he did the shows. he was pretty open about being murdered for the catalog. sony, for years, has kept their eyes on that catalog. michael made a HUGE mistake, okaying the transition from CBS into sony, because he kicked yetnikoff out, and put mottola in. mottola is a huge part in trying to get a hold of the majority of ATV for the corporation.

i agree with the family on that end; but i don't trust them either... they were always working to use michael, so THEY could make money as well. i mean, you have that whole moonies fiasco, the victory tour- the reason michael ended up doing that tour was because they got his mother to convince him to do it. and now they are using him again in his transition. i mean, it's like no one is going to pay attention to them if they don't stop talking about him. that is very sad that they can't depend on their own qualities.

and it is accurate to say that michael had been using propofol for a while; however, he always had someone who was LICENSED to use it around. there is something about michael which leads me to think he suffered from a severe type of depression which was NOT chemical- i mean, he never dealt with his childhood trauma in healthy ways; plus, he became addicted to painkillers since 1984. plus, he had lupus, vitiligo and authritis (and perhaps renaud's phenomenon). the man was in pain, and instead of letting himself be open about a lot of that he chose to medicate himself.

it doesn't make it right, however i really do think he was thinking about his children (who were his life). they probably weren't even aware of how MUCH he was medicating himself. there's a point where you're so deep in pain and depression that even those who love you may not be able to help. you have to want to help yourself. none of us will never know the extent of pain he was actually in. for me, just from looking and listening to him, i feel he was in severe pain, emotionally and physically.

in terms of murray, he tried suing AEG some time ago; i am not sure what became of that. i think AEG is ultimately responsible, because they did not provide proper equipment. they will insist (if put on the stand) that michael insisted murray be his doctor. this would ALSO be accurate. but really, in the contract they were supposed to provide murray with equipment. they should have also kept up with what murray was prescribing to michael. they should have known he was not licensed to distribute certain drugs. to me, this is bigger than murray.

he SHOULD be charged with negligent homocide, not involuntary manslaughter. how he went about dealing with the situation is ridiculous. AEG's books should be investigated.

i'm one of the few people who seems to take issue with EVERYONE- the jackson family, AS WELL AS sony and AEG, and the 'estate'. it seems like we are all forced to take sides. but no, i have issues with them all. they ALL contributed to the murder of michael's spirit, and physical self.

[Edited 2/9/11 23:18pm]

SherryJackson said:

MJJstudent said:

thanks for your kind words...

for both MJJStudent and alpha

thank you so much... a hug back to you.