El DeBarge:

A Father's Comeback

Veteran singer with new CD wants to build ties with his children

By Clarence Waldron

El DeBarge's voice drops when he talks about his 3-year-old daughter. "I have one child that I lost to the system when I was on drugs", he admits softly to JET over the phone. He chooses his words with care. You can feel his pain, the regret. He believes that the girl has been adopted. "I don't know where she is."

The 49-year-old singer has become music's favorite comeback story this year with his highly anticipated CD, Second Chance. While he certainly appreciates the love from his fans and music friends, what he really wants is a second chance to be a responsible, reliable, there-for-his-kids kind of dad.

"God gave me a second chance. I am so very glad with what is going on with my career, but I want to be a success in my relationship with my children", DeBarge says.

DeBarge, who grew up in Grand Rapids, Mich., rose to stardom as the lead singer of the family group DeBarge, which featured his siblings, Mark, James, Bunny and Randy. They ruled the record charts in the '80s with a string of hits, including "I Like It", "Time Will Reveal", "All This Love", "Love Me in a Special Way" and the No. 1 smash, "Rhythm of the Night".

But the group's lead singer today looks back at a 22-year drug addiction and a two-year prison stint and he regrets not being there for his children. Now he is "making up for lost time."

He has 12 children - 11 of whom are biological and one he has accepted as his own. There are five different mothers, three of whom he was once married to.

He knows he's missed the birthdays, Christmases, Father's Days, graduations, first days of school. But today he promises himself: "I intend to be in their lives forever."

He would love to find his 3-year-old daughter and he reveals that he has yet to forge a solid relationship with at least two of his children. "I know where they are. But so many years have gone by. They know thier dad is El DeBarge ... I am trying to earn their trust again. I am calling and texting ... It's kind of hard; they got used to me not being around." He admits, "I lost them. I am trying to reconnect with them. From that point, it is hard on me emotionally."

His Second Chance CD is his first album in 16 years. The title track celebrates redemption. His latest tune is "When I See You" and the CD also includes the sensual "Lay With You" wiht Faith Evans. Rapper 50 Cent joins him on "Format", and Fabolous is featured on "5 Seconds". DeBarge says the heartful tune "Joyful" "sums up where I am right now."

The singer says he was only a teenager when his first child was born. "I was in no way ready when my daughter was born. But I want to be a good father to her."

His oldest daughter, Adris, 31, began to know him about two years ago.

"It is brand new and I am enjoying it to the fullest", she says. "What gives me so much joy and so much pride right now at this point in our lives is to just watch him and be able to see him sober and happy, so happy and whole. It really is such a gift to have him around."

Adris has grown to realize that perhaps it was best that her dad wasn't around when he was doing drugs all those years.

"Actually I consider it a blessing in disguise. I didn't need to see the struggle he was going through. Actually I now thank him for the absence. If you are going to be in that lifestyle, at least he kept it at a distance from his child."

El's brother, hit singer Chico DeBarge, applauds how he is reconnecting with his children. "He is very attentive, he is on it. He is reaching out to them and communicating with them on all levels. If they are angry, he lets them vent that out. I've seen him do that. He lets them get it out. He is trying to catch up on all the years he missed. He is trying to make up for what he didn't do and give them what he can right now."

El DeBarge has been clean for two years. "I am good. I got the focus that I need", he says. "My eyes are on the finish line."

DeBarge says he's at a point where he wants to stop feeling a need to say "I am sorry" and simply show his children that he is, indeed, a changed man. "I can show you by being there and being consistent", he says.

The music veteran is on the road performing old and new song favorites. He celebrates the hope of Christmas with several holiday bonus tracks on the CD, including "Silent Night" and "Christmas Without You".

As the holiday approaches, El DeBarge shares his personal wish. "My desire is to be with all of my children. I would really like to be in my living room with all of my children and opening presents with them and playing the piano and singing songs with them."

Reflecting on his second chance to get it right as a father, he says: "I just want my children to know they have a father, someone they can lean on and trust, just knowing that I'm here for them."

[Edited 12/7/10 12:14pm]

That is so terribly sad! 12 kids by 5 women and he had not a parental relationship with any of them? His baby being lost to the system is especially disheartening as it's doubtful he will ever see her again. One can only hope she was adopted by a loving, decent, god fearing family who can give her a good life and protect her from the world's evils. I thought some of El's baby mommas were also substance abusers.

Anyway, I applaud him for wanting a relationship with his kids. He owes them so much and I think their forgiveness can help him stay sober this time.

wow what a fucked up life those debarges have had.

DesireeNevermind said:

That is so terribly sad! 12 kids by 5 women and he had not a parental relationship with any of them? His baby being lost to the system is especially disheartening as it's doubtful he will ever see her again. One can only hope she was adopted by a loving, decent, god fearing family who can give her a good life and protect her from the world's evils. I thought some of El's baby mommas were also substance abusers.

Anyway, I applaud him for wanting a relationship with his kids. He owes them so much and I think their forgiveness can help him stay sober this time.

wow what a fucked up life those debarges have had.

Good possibility they were doing drugs with him, I can see that.

DesireeNevermind said:

That is so terribly sad! 12 kids by 5 women and he had not a parental relationship with any of them? His baby being lost to the system is especially disheartening as it's doubtful he will ever see her again. One can only hope she was adopted by a loving, decent, god fearing family who can give her a good life and protect her from the world's evils. I thought some of El's baby mommas were also substance abusers.

Anyway, I applaud him for wanting a relationship with his kids. He owes them so much and I think their forgiveness can help him stay sober this time.

wow what a fucked up life those debarges have had. :disbelief:

Just when you thought the Jackson family was screwed up.

1sotrue said:

DesireeNevermind said:

That is so terribly sad! 12 kids by 5 women and he had not a parental relationship with any of them? His baby being lost to the system is especially disheartening as it's doubtful he will ever see her again. One can only hope she was adopted by a loving, decent, god fearing family who can give her a good life and protect her from the world's evils. I thought some of El's baby mommas were also substance abusers.

Anyway, I applaud him for wanting a relationship with his kids. He owes them so much and I think their forgiveness can help him stay sober this time.

wow what a fucked up life those debarges have had. :disbelief:

Just when you thought the Jackson family was screwed up.

Least they didn't go "Hollywood" like the Jacksons.

Timmy84 said:

1sotrue said:

Least they didn't go "Hollywood" like the Jacksons.

I guess it's better to have Drama behind close doors than in the public eye lol. How is El's album? I want it.

shame man, i feel bad for the debarge's, but it's good that their "dirty laundry" wasn't aired out for the world to see.

good luck El with forging a relationship with your kids, i'm 4 u

[Edited 12/8/10 3:45am]

Dang, I feel so sorry for El that he went through all of that. The only thing he can do now is just keep on trying to repair the damaged relationships with his kids. Kudos to him for making that a top priority for him and not just focusing on rebuilding his career.

with all of this recent El DeBarge news,I have to ask....where is scriptgirl?? Does she like the new album?

I am here, baby. Ordered the new cd, but Amazon saw fit to deliver it to the wrong address. Somebody's getting CUT.

scriptgirl said:

I am here, baby. Ordered the new cd, but Amazon saw fit to deliver it to the wrong address. Somebody's getting CUT.

scriptgirl said:

I am here, baby. Ordered the new cd, but Amazon saw fit to deliver it to the wrong address. Somebody's getting CUT.

Girl keep it together, it will be at yo' doe' soon. El was in concert in last night in Chi-Town, my husband reports, he threw down. "Second Chance" is good album, as I told script the two songs with 50 cent and that other Hip-hop/Rap guy should've been left off. El could've thrown in an up-tempo song or two but other than that, well worth uploading the whole album.

My favorite song from the CD, "Close To You".

I LOVE THIS WHOLE CD....im also pray that el continues on the right path i know it can be hard but with GOD all things are possible

DesireeNevermind said:

That is so terribly sad! 12 kids by 5 women and he had not a parental relationship with any of them? His baby being lost to the system is especially disheartening as it's doubtful he will ever see her again. One can only hope she was adopted by a loving, decent, god fearing family who can give her a good life and protect her from the world's evils. I thought some of El's baby mommas were also substance abusers.

Anyway, I applaud him for wanting a relationship with his kids. He owes them so much and I think their forgiveness can help him stay sober this time.

wow what a fucked up life those debarges have had.

this^

Timmy84 said:

1sotrue said:

Least they didn't go "Hollywood" like the Jacksons.

And the Debarge's had no shame in speaking about their childhood abuse and struggles with drugs. They were actually a unified front when it came to such subjects whereas the Jackson were almost turning on each other. Seemed nobody had Michael's back when he talked about how cruel Joe was to him or his addiction to pain meds. Shit even today, after his death, you can't get any of those Jacksons to say "yes our father was a tyrant and made Michael feel ugly and afraid."

Still....I'd rather have MJ's father than El's. Lesser of two evils and that's not saying much.

DesireeNevermind said:

Timmy84 said:

Least they didn't go "Hollywood" like the Jacksons.

And the Debarge's had no shame in speaking about their childhood abuse and struggles with drugs. They were actually a unified front when it came to such subjects whereas the Jackson were almost turning on each other. Seemed nobody had Michael's back when he talked about how cruel Joe was to him or his addiction to pain meds. Shit even today, after his death, you can't get any of those Jacksons to say "yes our father was a tyrant and made Michael feel ugly and afraid."

Still....I'd rather have MJ's father than El's. Lesser of two evils and that's not saying much.

Michael's father, El's father and Marvin, Jr.'s father earns a special place in hell IMHO.

Timmy84 said:

DesireeNevermind said:

And the Debarge's had no shame in speaking about their childhood abuse and struggles with drugs. They were actually a unified front when it came to such subjects whereas the Jackson were almost turning on each other. Seemed nobody had Michael's back when he talked about how cruel Joe was to him or his addiction to pain meds. Shit even today, after his death, you can't get any of those Jacksons to say "yes our father was a tyrant and made Michael feel ugly and afraid."

Still....I'd rather have MJ's father than El's. Lesser of two evils and that's not saying much.

Michael's father, El's father and Marvin, Jr.'s father earns a special place in hell IMHO.

Your post on El's hopes of seeking redemption and a relationship with his children is spot on.

Possibly because they are all afraid of Joe, still.

and shame.

babybugz said:

I guess it's better to have Drama behind close doors than in the public eye.

The DeBarges were never really known to the mainstream public like The Jacksons, Whitney Houston, Tina Turner, O.J. Simpson, or even Lionel Richie. So the tabloids were not interested in them as they would not sell papers. The DeBarges were mainly known to the black audience, not the target audience of the Enquirer. The only reason James was mentioned in tabloids at all was because of the marraige to Janet and the mystery child they're rumored to have.

Timmy84 said:

DesireeNevermind said:

And the Debarge's had no shame in speaking about their childhood abuse and struggles with drugs. They were actually a unified front when it came to such subjects whereas the Jackson were almost turning on each other. Seemed nobody had Michael's back when he talked about how cruel Joe was to him or his addiction to pain meds. Shit even today, after his death, you can't get any of those Jacksons to say "yes our father was a tyrant and made Michael feel ugly and afraid."

Still....I'd rather have MJ's father than El's. Lesser of two evils and that's not saying much.

Michael's father, El's father and Marvin, Jr.'s father earns a special place in hell IMHO.