1. Barbra Streisand
The Grade-A, Alpha diva par excellence without peer. Stories of her divahood are legion and legendary, citing her famous perfectionism as the main crux of her control freakery. Renowned for taking charge of the reins of every aspect of a project from the production to the performing to the editing - hell, she’d probably do the catering and cleaning if it wasn’t for potential risk of chips to her daily-manicured talons - she has to be solely at the helm, calling the shots, expecting the best. But to quote the icon herself: “A woman is called demanding, a man is called commanding. Women are control freaks, men are perfectionists.” And she should know a thing or two about the sexism of the business called show. You don’t reach the top of your game without having to play the men in suits at their own ‘perfectionism.’

2. Elton John
So to show we’re not a sexist bunch and display our equal opps credentials, next on the list is a man. Well, actually, to be brutally honest, not so much a man as a bit of an all-round monster, endlessly tantrumming about anything and everything. His bust-a-blood-vessel mood swings were lovingly documented in long-standing (and suffering) hubby David Furnish’s 1997 film Tantrums & Tiaras, a title that truly does say it all. In it, he rants, he raves, he sneers, he sulks and generally shows himself up to be a right royal candle in the arse to live with, which is possibly why Furnish made it - as revenge. A nasty piece of diva who really needs to grow up. You’re 60 and a Sir, man, stop acting like an over-tired toddler.

3. J-Lo
Now to a new diva on the block and, apparently, we shouldn’t be fooled by the rocks that she’s got because Senorita Lopez is just a down-home gal from it at heart, in touch with her humble-beginnings Bronx roots. Yeah, right. If she’s down-to-earth, then Naomi Campbell hasn’t got a temper. The Lopez Rules to be obeyed at all times include her insistence on staff making no eye contact and only speaking when spoken to and stylists providing a particular type of bra that conceals her rather dark nipples. All of this is ‘alleged’ and vehemently denied by her ‘people,’ but you don’t get her kind of rep without at least some of the stories having a kernel of truth. According to La Lopez, she’s “trying to get to another level in [her] art” so the diva’s quest for world domination has only just begun. You’ve been warned.

4. P. Diddy et al
Coming in just below his ex-inamorata, a position he once would have cherished but now not so much, is the Diddy of divahood, Sean John Combs. In fairness, it’s not just him. It’s his fellow rappers and, more specifically, the men amongst them. Bizarrely for such a misogynistic arm of the music industry the female rappers, although undoubtedly demanding in their own right, have nothing on the blokes. Actually, with all their preening, Cristal-quaffing and circle-jerk grandstanding, ‘blokes’ is a bit of a rugged term for such delicate little flowers. Let’s get things straight, lads it’s not about the size of your entourage…

5. Cher
You only have to take a cursory glance in the general direction of Cher to realise this lady ain’t low-maintenance. Famously capricious (read: difficult) to deal with, she’s part of the pantheon of divas of the old order. With her Bob Mackie outfits, space-age wigs and filthy sense of humour, it’s little wonder she’s an eternal favourite with us gays who prefer our stars with a side order of over-weaned ego. Plus, she goes by a single moniker, placing her in the ancient goddess realm. Ironic, really, considering she does her best to turn back time.

6. Madonna
Speaking of one name famous divas, enter Lady Madonna. During her last tour, her rider read like an exercise in self-mockery, including a new loo seat at each venue, a love seat (presumably not the same thing), white-washed walls and a Power of Prosperity candle meant to give people the strength to keep their, erm, ego in check. Some chance. Mostly, though, Madonna’s diva tendencies, like Streisand, can be traced back to a deep-rooted need to be perfect at everything she does. Whereas Babs always has The Voice to fall back on, Her Madgesty knows in her heart of hearts- if indeed she has one - that she’s not the greatest singer or the greatest dancer and certainly can’t put ‘actress’ down on her CV, so things do have to be just so to look pro. Not a bad career, then, if you think about the minimal amounts of talent in the tank.

7. Mariah Carey
If you’re talking great voices then Mariah, or ‘Mimi’ as she likes to be called now, is your girl. Never travelling without a full retinue of make-up artists, hair stylists and general beautifiers, maybe Me-me would be a more fitting nickname. Mariah’s defence? Well, divas don’t do defensive, merely saying: “I know I can be diva-ish sometimes, but I have to be in control. The nature of my life, the nature of what I do, is divadom, it really is.” Mind you, let’s face harsh facts, her voice may be special (reputedly a five-octave range), but her face is as plain as Pyrex, so perhaps all the help she needs is essential. Don’t look at me like that: divas don’t have a monopoly on bitchinness, you know.

8. Shirley Bassey
While we’re on the subject of bitchy, if you want the real, cutting deal, then they don’t come cattier than the pseudo-regal Bassey. Whether she’s slagging off a fellow chanteuse for their limited range (pot-kettle-black surely?) in stage-whisper asides or demeaning a hapless hanger-on, she’s not backwards in coming forwards if she thinks she’s not getting her due. Anyone who lives in Cardiff and works in the media, like my good self, has a stash of Shirley-in-full-strop stories. My own personal favourite is when I saw her at a swanky do and she needed her car by the time she counted to ten and started screaming about how she couldn’t possibly eat the laid on food - which is a bit rich coming from a woman who’s dined out on the same clapped out cabaret act for 40 years. But then, she deserves a shout-out for her staying power because you don’t get to stick around in this biz without a hefty dose of ballsy tenacity, which will explain why she’s got a new remix album hitting the streets later this month.

9. Diana Ross
Or Miss Ross as she prefers to be addressed. This part of the legend stems from a story when she was performing in Atlantic City and an errand boy who had gotten her a pizza, excitedly said, “Diana, it's such an honour to serve you,” and she responded, haughtily, “Please, call me Miss Ross!” Whether this is fact or fabrication is debatable, but the no-first-name-terms label has stuck, so much so that great pop culture chronicler J. Randy Taraborrelli’s (very) unauthorised biography was titled, Call Her Miss Ross. Apparently DJ giant Frankie Knuckles is the only colleague to have the nerve to call her Diana in her decades-long career when they collaborated together. Although, I doubt she saw it as a collaboration, something reflected in the title of the song they worked on: ‘The Boss’. ‘Nuff said.

10. Grace Jones
Cue the intro to her most enduring hit: “And now, laydeez and genlemen, here’s Grace!” Not that you’d be able to miss her if you tried. Between her Amazonian physicality, sexual ambiguity and voice as dark and deep as a walk-in wardrobe, you can’t imagine this Jones bothering to try and keep up with the rest of her namesake, or blending into a crowd for that matter. And, evidently, she’s not too keen on being ignored either, infamously slapping a chat show host (the late Russell Harty) live on air when he dared turn his back on her to talk to another guest. Over to La Jones: “I’ve always been a rebel. I never do things the way they’re supposed to be done. Either I go in the opposite direction or I create a new direction for myself, regardless of what the rules are or what society says.” Which just about sums the quintessence of a diva. Atta girl!

http://www.rainbownetwork...hannel=Fun

<----- no mention?

Where is Kanye West and Whitney Houston? They should have been on there.

Krytonite said:

super-

Krytonite said:

Thanks, that was a fun read. The other nine will all be miffed they weren't number one!

Remembers back in the day when Diva meant talent.....

Beyonce

Krytonite said:

Excellent list. I totally agree.

Prince should be there somewhere on the list...

lazycrockett said:

I remember when gas was under a dollar too. It just means we're too old

nastygurl76 said:

I haven't really heard of any examples of diva behavior from her.

Raze said:

No, I haven't either.

You want to see DIVA take a close look at Miss Ross, JLo and Mariah.

Krytonite said:

In other words, the b!tch is trying to make chicken soup out of chicken sh!t.

Beyonce may be on the list in about 10 years. I certainly think she is diva material.

How is J. Lo ahead of Diana Ross & Madonna? Both have more bitch ferocity in their clit than J. Lo has in her entire body.
[Edited 5/28/07 9:37am]

Raze said:

Boy George has to be the biggest diva of them all