This is hilarious. I can't believe people actually took the time to write this. Ah, the internet.

Here's one for Prince:

http://uncyclopedia.org/w...8artist%29

Hendrix:

http://uncyclopedia.org/w...mi_Hendrix

and of course, the whole thing came to my attention because of the Jimmy Page profile:

http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Jimmy_Page

"If a man fantasizes about Jimmy Page, he is not necessarily gay according to a Stanford study done in late 2005".

Damn, where did u find this?! That shit's a trip and kinda weird on top of that!...I dug it.

minneapolisgenius said:

Greatest hits

* 1999.999
* Christopher Street Day Parade
* Diamonds and Pearls Before Swine
* Girls and Boys And Those Inbetween
* Kitsch
* The Legs of Orion
* Money Does Matter 2 Day
* Purple Brain
* Raspberry Sorbet
* Sexy Motherlover
* Sign O' The Times New Roman
* The Thirdmost Beautiful Girl in the World
* Vandalized Bridge
* What's My Name?
* My Name Is Prince
* My Name Is Circle, Swirly Line, Cross, Arrow
* My Name is The Artist Formerly Known As TAFKAP
* Who The Fuck Cares What My Name Is?

http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Morrissey

Morrissey

http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Bjork


Bjork

Old news
Anyway, they are funny, yes indeed

blackguitaristz said:

Someone posted it on the Zeppelin board. Yeah, it's pretty tripped out and in some cases in bad taste, but I still love it.

weepingwall said:

Good one.

And they all have Oscar Wilde quotes on top too.

dammme said:

He never meant to cause you any sorrow.
He never meant to cause you any pain.
He only wanted 3 times to do some splits,
He only wanted to see you laughing... at the music he keeps making!

"Prince has also an obsession for ass. The first thing he asks his dates is always "Now move your big ass 'round this way So I can work on that zipper, baby". Madonna found this so offending, she was even so mad she declined to work on the Graffiti Bridge movie. Too bad for her, Ingrid Chavez got that part, and she got so famous, that she even had to hide from all the popularity."

An org favorite artist:

Kevin Federline

, a God among mortals, is notable for accidentally knocking up Britney Spears and for being the most reviled individual in American society today. He is less known for his acheivements in curing cancer, stopping WWIII, giving Bill Clinton head, and being unsafe at any speed.

Federline, or "Gay-Fed" as he is unaffectionately nicknamed by the creative people who work at MTV, was born in the bed of a Ford pickup during a tornado at an Oklahoma trailer park with Garth Brooks music on the stereo. Immediately following his birth, Federline's mother either committed suicide or was murdered by whoever it was that killed Kurt Cobain. Federline's childhood is unclear; he was raised by wolves or by adoptive white-trash parents, or possibly a combination of the two. By the age of 15 he was successfully illiterate; by 22 he was successfully a failure. For some reason, stupid women find Federline's brainless wigger persona irresistable.

In public, Federline is often referred to as "Who Are You and Why Are You Here?" or "Who the Fuck is This? Security!". He holds the distinction of destroying the illusion of Britney Spears's attractiveness. Federline owes at least $500,000 in back child support on his estimated 12 bastard children. He is wanted in four states for public lewdness and in Kansas and Mexico for armed robbery. He is a frequent user of meth and drinks red bull and vodka with breakfast, which he eats at 5 in th

The Cure

[i]"Happy people.... are a disease, a cancer of this planet, they are a plague, and we are the cure."

~ Robert Smith on The Cure

The Cure are a Goth band from a cave somewhere in Northern England where it's dark enough for them to survive without being burnt by the sun. They make dark, depressing Goth-type music and are known for their propensity to drinking stupendous amounts of alcohol.They tend to attract fans who dress all in black all of the time, even in the middle of summer; write deep, meaningful and atrociously melancholic poetry, often dream of killing themselves and desperately need haircuts. The Cure are now officially rock dinosaurs, having been around since 1979.
In 1979, Robert Smith and some other jerks joined together for the purpose of curing cancer. Somehow, they came to the conclusion that music was key, so they formed The Easy and Quite Swift and Painless Cure for Cancer, AIDS, and Other Various Ailments (later shorted to just “The Cure”). It started auspiciously, with the young Smith filled with hope and dreams. Then, in 1981, Morrissey told Smith, “You idiot, everyone knows that music can’t cure cancer!” (At the time it was believed that music and cancer were unrelated, later it was discovered that while music cannot cure cancer, it can cause it) Thus the seeds of bitter rivalry were sown.

Meanwhile, Morrissey’s comment made Robert Smith very, very sad. He began to don complete drag (previously he had only worn women’s panties, then only as a comfort thing), encouraged by friend and fellow drag queen Siouxsie Sioux. His bandmates went along with it for a few years, but the band began losing members left and right. Thatonejerk noted, after leaving the band, “why does everyone say they wear panties ‘for comfort?’ They’re a bad in the ass. Literally!”

In 1989, Smith sacked his best friend and co-founder of the band, Lol Tolhurst, who pretended to play keyboards (as he was usually too drunk to play them, Smith normally did the actual playing) for not being drunk and depressed enough for The Cure's style. Tolhurst subsequently took Smith to court for unfair dismissal, accusing him of being a raging alcoholic with delusions of taking over the world. Smith suddenly changed his tune and now likewise accused Tolhurst of being an bumbling alcoholic who "still wouldn't know a keyboard even if you shoved it up his arse". The case became a joke as Smith and Tolhurst had both turned up to court totally smashed and were just standing there taunting each other and calling each other things like "boozer", "bozo", "wino", "alco", "turdface", which went on for about an hour until the judge dismissed the case and ordered them both to detox clinics. Tolhurst was not re-hired.

Due to internal pressure, they broke up in January 1985, but reformed three months later. This pattern of breaking up and reforming continued well into the 90's, until 1994, when Robert Smith was killed in an epic battle with Morrissey.

However, in 1999 Smith returned as a ghost, fulfilling the fantasies of his legions of Goth fans, re-formed the band and subsequently successfully recorded and released two more studio albums as well as a host of compilations and re-mastered editions with really bad sounding demo versions of the Cure's early songs. On being a ghost Smith has stated: "It's bloody fantastic. I don't need to spend hours in the make-up studio to make myself look like a ghost anymore. I just get out of bed, and presto! I'm already looking deathly pale. I guess that's because, I'm like really dead now, hey, not just pretending to be."

* Three Imaginary Boys (1979). Three Imaginary Boys was inspired after Smith read the preface of Sartre's classic work Being and Nothingness and subsequently decided that neither he not the other two band members actually existed, but were actually a product of an LSD hallucination. It features the eerily prophetic Killing an Arab, which deals with George Bush's invasion of Iraq in 2004. The lyrics forespell: Standing on a beach with a gun in my hand/I'm the stranger/Killing an Arab. Spooky.
* 17 Seconds (1980). The title refers both to how long it took the band to record the album and the playing length of the album. As they had run out of money for drugs and beer one night, they decided to produce a vastly minimalist work in order to make a quick buck. The production reflects the decision.
* Faith (1981). This first of two "experimental" albums deals with Smith's short-lived but disastrous flirtation with US-style fundamentalist pentecostal Christianity. Bright, uplifiting songs of praise and worship such as The Holy Hour and the title track were not at all well received by the band's growing legion of Goth fans and the band quickly abandoned the project.
* Pornography (1982). This second of two "experimental" albums was even less well received than the first. To distance himself from his previous Christian stance, Smith decided for some reason to release a whole album of songs dealing with explicit sex and XXX-pornography. Not only did, once again, the band's legion of Goth fans loudly protested, Goths being much too ephemeral and serious for such crass subject matters, but the album was given an X-rating in many countries, meaning it was only available in dingy sex shops, most of which were totally uninterested in stocking a record by an obscure UK Goth act. The record subsequently sank without a trace and is now considered a precious collectors item.
* Japanese Whispers (1983). Changing direction completely, the next album was sung completely in Japanese as Smith had on an amphetamine induced whim decided to learn Japanese. Hit singles included the now legendary 私達は寝る and 歩行. The video for the last single 愛猫, featuring a bunch of cats being abused by obviously drug-fucked band members however led to a major RSPCA investigation after a cleaner found 23 dead cats while cleaning up the set after the shoot. Notwithstanding, fans took well to the Japanese angle, Japanese being seen as both exotic and waiflike enough to fulfil Goth criteria.

CinisterCee said:

U2's discography

1. Boy, 1893
2. Girl, 1894
3. Gender in Question, 1897
4. October, 1948
5. November, 1949
6. October Boy, November Girl, 1950
7. Skibbity Doo-wop Zeebleeblededee Wawawoowaaaaa!, 1953 (U2's short-lived Skat Jazz format.)
8. War, 1960 (Working title: War, What is it Good For?)
9. Peace, 1961
10. Undecided, (late) 1962
11. Hate, 1962
12. Love (with Arthur Lee), 1963
13. BI-Polar (with a shoe named Dan), 1964 1/2
14. The Undeniable Firemen, 1966
15. Rattle and Soother, 1974
16. Stew, Beef Stew, 1976
17. Rattle and Pop, 1977
18. Achtung, Maybe, 1980
19. Pop Tart, 1988
20. Boy, Girl, or whatever happened to the Pink PopTarts from Mars, 1988
21. Zooropey, 1999
22. I Still Haven't Found That I've Sold Out, 2000
23. Orangutaun Sandwich, 2000
24. Zsombor Eats Beans, 2001
25. All That You Can Get Rid Off, 2001
26. You Can't Build An Atomic Bomb Unless You've Watched Blue Peter (triple album), 2002
27. Studio doodlings + Brian Eno = Our New Album, (2003)
28. How to Milk a Cash Cow (2004)
29. How To Dismantle a Joshua Tree WMD, 2005
30. Want To Dismantle an Ipod?, 2005.362
31. How to Dismantle An Atomic Mom 2005
32. Grammys Sell (And We're Buying), 2006
33. Ethiopian Children Taste Like Chicken, 2007
34. Bono Bono Sucks Mr. President Balls, 2008
35. Message to Mutt Lange: Please Produce Our Next Album, if he insists: 2009
36. We are old, but still sell albuns for idiots like U 2039

"Prince likes to screw with people's lives by promising them a career and then deserting them when they fail to do everything he says. He launched the careers of such awesome groups as The Time with Morris Day who was basically a high-pitched Arsenio Hall who wore Stacey Adams shoes that were twenty years out of date. He also started the group Vanity 6, but when lead singer Vanity stopped fucking him, he kicked her out and made the group Appolonia 6 with lead singer...well, I forget her name. "

ahahahaha

miguelbulcao said:

That was me back in jr. high. Minus the atrocious poetry though.