This is one of the many tales from John PYRO Watkins , a roadie/special fx-technician who went for many years on tour with Rick James & Kiss .
There are still plans for publishing a book .

Meanwhile , have fun .



On The Road with Rick James or True Tales of the TOO MUCH FUN CLUB

Chapter Thirteen

Tonight's story: TOPOGRAPHICAL RICK


There were very few times when something was ever said that was so strange, absurd, bizarre, what ever that it was able to put Rick James at a complete loss of words leaving him completely speechless. This was one of those times.
But before I can tell you what was said it is important to explain how it was said because sometimes how is even more important than what when it comes to dumbfounding someone.
On the STREET SONGS TOUR Larry Miller was the crew chief for the lighting company that happened to be R./A. Roth out of Atlanta Georgia. Larry was older than the average roadie and the young men under his watchful eye referred to him affectionately as "pops"
He was fairly mature and responsible so he was in charge of helping me with the fire breathing stunt. This is where I, dressed as Mr, Policeman return to the stage at the end of FIRE IT UP. Apparently Mr. Policeman has learned his lesson after having his ass kicked by the hookers (backup vocalists Tabby and Lisa) and their pimp (Sir Nose Devoid-O-Funk formally of Parliament) at the very beginning of the show. No longer neatly dressed Mr. policemen has silver boots glitter on his face and a great big joint (about two feet long) that was fired up. Mr. policeman would go out and dance a little with Rick, take a big hit off his beer and then on the last note of the song, breath a giant ball of fire off the end of the joint.
Larry's was responsible for lighting the joint prior to the stunt and putting it out afterwards. He was also responsible for putting me out should anything go wrong. You could say therefore I trusted Larry. In fact later on I hired him for my company and I put him in charge of PINK FLOYD'S MOMENTARY LAPSE OF REASON WORLD TOUR.
I guess Larry was an ok looking guy. He had curly dark hair and a beard that were starting to grey but probably the most significant and relevant thing about Larry is that Larry was calm. It took a whole lot to fluster him. In the army he had worked maintenance on live nuclear war heads and his actions remained smooth and methodical. This carried over into how he spoke. Larry had a slow soothing southern way of speaking, a melodic drawl that made you feel all down home and that everything was going to be just fine.
There might have been a chemical explanation for his even tempered attitude This might have been a result of his favorite past time but in describing his hobby I will try and be as diplomatically delicate as I possibly can. Let me put it this way. Larry's favorite Rick James song would have been ?Mary Jane" if you get my meaning, enough said
Except that this might also explain why sometimes Larry would say just the strangest things. Things that made you go "Where the hell is that boy's mind?" Now that's enough said.
We were setting up in the old coliseum in Charlotte South Carolina. The riggers had hung the motors and the sound and lights were in the air but when the truss monkeys (lighting technicians who climb in the lighting grid and focus the lights down on the stage) went up to do their Jobs a bat, that's right...a big fat black flying rodent bat) got all territorial on their asses and kept flying at them and dive bombing them until they gave up and came down. The bat having vanquished the intruders made itself right at home on the front center truss. We were all standing around looking up at the truss and discussing what to do to fix the situation when Rick and the band arrived for sound check.
Rick was in what I always called his "BWANA RICK PHASE. This was a period of time where he took to wearing a white safari type pith helmet over a silk or velvet jogging suit as his preferred casual day wear (see photo of him chocking me in personal section of photo gallery). So Bwana Rick walks onto the stage and notices that we are way behind and the band gear had not even been unloaded yet. He demanded to know what the hold was.
I said "Bwana, there is a Bat in the lights and it keeps attacking the crew. When they go up there to work"
He took a long breath in and then slowly let it out with an even longer sigh. He didn't particularly care for being called Bwana but I didn't make him wear that hat. "Watkins" he said in that familiar exasperated tone he so often took with me. "What the hell do you mean there is a bat in the truss attacking my crew"
"I mean just that, there is a bat, squeaky black hairy disgusting varmint, up in the lights and it attacks your crew when they go up there to work." Rick looked around at all the crew and band members standing around silently waiting to see what Rick was going to do.
"Who are you bull shitting. I don't see no damn bat. Where is it?"
I pointed up to the center of the front truss and said "It's right there"
Rick squinted and stared into the bright lights? Where, I don't see it"
"There" I said pointing again but I was only guessing because I couldn't see it either do to the glare of the stage lights.
"Goddamn it Watkins, why you always trying to make me out a fool ?! ...There aint no super attack bat in no damn lighting truss." He looked around again but the crew all started affirming what I said with statements like "There sure is", "There's a bat up there" "a big mean one."
Rick said "Oh its like that is it? You sure you all want to stick to this story. I can send everyone of you fuckers home so here is your last chance. Anybody want to tell me the truth about what's going on around here." One of his assistants started to say something about how he hadn't seen any bat but the stage manager Victor Reid pointed out that the assistant had been asleep in his self had not been in the building until five minutes before Rick had gotten there.
Rick turned on Victor "You see this bat?"
Victor looked down at his shoes and mumbled "not exactly"
:what: Rick said "Speak up, I can't hear you"
"I, myself personally, did not see the bat but it's up there."
"Well it better be up there of some heads are going roll around this mother fucker I can guarantee you that!" Everyone just stood there staring at Rick. He was getting more pissed"Well move, somebody get up there and show me this damned bat!"
I had a roll of stage tape (same size as a roll of standard duct tape) in my hand. I stepped to the center of the stage and said "allow me" and threw that roll of tape in a line drive right up into the lighting grid where it banged against the truss before falling to the deck below. This got the bats attention. With a flurry of wings and a high pitched screech it took off like a bat out of hell from the truss.
We followed it as it flew in a frenzied panic but as it crossed the arena it stabilized and merged into a controlled deliberate path sweeping in a big u turn at the far side of the empty hall that in just a few hours would be filled with thousands of Rick James fans but for now the only sound was the sharp flapping of wings. The bat was picking up speed by angling its flight coming out of it's sweeping turn. It looked like a movie from World War II where the Japanese plane made its final approach before bearing down on the unsuspecting battle ships anchored defenseless in the harbor below. except this was no movie.
The bat came flying in at full speed straight for the stage and of all the people standing there it picked Rick and came straight for his head. People were screaming "Look out" and "get down? Security tried to step in front of him but it was too fast, to unexpected. Rick had a look of disbelief on his face watching this thing coming right at him at about the speed of a well thrown fast ball. At the last possible moment he dropped face first on the stage, his safari hat flying off of his head.
The bat almost hit the rear wall it was moving so fast but it managed to pull out and make the turn heading back over the center of the arena. There it performed what appeared to be a series of victory circles. This pissed Rick off even more. He was screaming about that "God Damn Mother fucking Bat" and still on his belly started clawing at the ankle holster of his security chief trying to get his hands on a gun. "Get me a gun quick somebody shoot the Mother fucker, GET! GET !" he screamed.
It was then that Larry Miller spoke in that calm Southern way of his just as calm and casual please;
"Now calm down Rick" he said "He probably thought you were a cave."
All the commotion came to an abrupt halt and once again there was nothing but dead silence and the flutter of wings. Nobody was looking at the bat anymore but everyone's attention was riveted on Larry and then Rick, Larry and then Rick.
Rick looked like he wasn't sure he had just heard what did. The whole crew looked like they couldn't believe that Larry had said what he did. Larry just looked like Larry, nonchalant and unperplexed as usual. Rick was looking to see if Larry was serious or putting him on but you couldn't tell by looking at that poker face because it offered no clue.
It did however put an end to the matter. Rick got up, dusted himself off and left the stage. The bat eventually got bored and flew into the higher rafters and Larry ordered the truss monkeys back to work. As he went down the stairs you could hear Rick finally speaking "Did that mother fucker call me a cave?" and his security clarifying with "I don't think so, I think he said the bat thought you were a cave?" No matter what Rick never looked at Larry quite the same way again.


and that's the way it really happened

Copyright 2004
John Sherman Watkins
[Edited 6/10/06 14:25pm]

I guess that's why Prince did the Batman soundtrack.

Nice.

Hilarious story!

I miss Rick. Whatever happened to that double album that was supposed to come out last year?

Pyro John's stories are great. He needs to come on here and tell the funny story about the "Rick vs Prince" tour.