Dear Michael Jackson,

I am delighted to hear that you beat the child molestation charges levied
against you. Now that the threat of your sweet, sweet bootyhole being
taken by some random freakazoid from cell block D is no longer looming, I have a few
words of wisdom and advice for you.

**** Please read this, and give it some serious thought. ****

My first piece of advice is, get some friends your own damn age. So you missed your childhood and Joe beat you like a government mule during your formative years...You're 46 now. In normal society, your childhood is over at age 18. You've been doing this Peter Pan "boy that never grows up" SHIT since the early '80s. It's 2005 now, so you've had more than enough time to make up for your missed childhood. Plus, you're rich...so you had one hell
> >of a damn second childhood. I wish I had giraffes, monkeys and rollercoaster rides in my backyard when I was a kid. sh!t.

Piece of wisdom number two:

Don't ever, ever, ever ever EVER invite anymore children to your house.
I'd even go so far as to hire security guards to take those little bastards down if they get too close to the property. I don't care if they're just
selling girl scout cookies...Set one foot on Neverland property, and the hounds will be released. I recommend pit bulls who are fed the occasional
bit of gunpowder to ensure a nasty temperment. Or german shepherds like the one that used to terrorize my neighborhood when I was a kid.

Advice gem number three:

Go back to the plastic surgeon and become a normal black guy again. I know that may be a lot to ask, considering all the sh!t you've done to your face, but your fans would love to have the "Off The Wall" or the Thriller" Mike back. We'd even let the jheri curl slide if you got your strong afro-american nose and your brown skin back. That would really mess up your critics.

Number four:

Find yourself a woman. Not just any random set of ovaries like your
baby's momma, but a woman with some really good snatch. You'd be suprised what
some good putang can do for somebody. If you need help finding one, I know
a couple of women with that "sunshine" stuff like in "Harlem Nights."
Besides, if other wierdo celebrities can consistently pull hot women, I'm sure you can get you a nice lady in the street/freak in the bed that will keep you from wanting to get freaky with kids. Not that I'm implying guilt...but just in case those urges are there...Try taking them out on some good snatch. You can name her ass "Timmy" or "Mikey" if that makes you feel more comfortable. Either way, good tang may be the key.

My final, and probably most important piece of advice is this:

WATCH OUT. "Society", a.k.a. the folks that wanted to see you rot in
prison, will be on your An8 for the rest of your natural life. You were found innocent, but you will be considered guilty in the minds of a LOT of people. Think about what happened to OJ. He went from being beloved, to basically living a low profile life somewhere in Miami. Granted, he's still f@k'd more than his share of somewhat hot women...but he had to pay a grip of money to the Goldman family and even gave up the Heisman trophy he worked hard to win.

So in conclusion, I would just like to say that you have been granted not one, but two chances to avoid a lifetime in the bootyhouse. Heed my
advice, and you should be fine

This was written by Judge Rodney Melville, right?

TheFrog said:

Frog...u did it again boy!

TheFrog said:

"Go back to the plastic surgeon and become a normal black guy again"



Unfortuntately,I don't think this is possible.You can't "undo" all that surgery.

DavidEye said:

well what about leprosy victims who have their face re-constructed..?

Some darn good advice in there...wish he'd follow it, or do whatever is necessary to get his life back together. JMHO.

LadyB0yCabDriver said:

I'm pretty sure they can't switch races --or more appropiately, switch back-- as Mike seems to have done in the past 20 years. Sad, he was so fucking beautiful, and now is just scary looking. I'm actually used to his new frankenstein look but it still startles me once in a while.

DavidEye said:

But I am sure all the other advices will be followed to the letter.

LadyB0yCabDriver said:

send that shit!!! send it NOW!!!

you forgot counseling....the man needs counseling...


and if janet's next album is a bunch of baby whispering cooing and seques get her to a therapist too...

sosgemini said:

Everyone whose abum sucked needs therapy

shit that's a lot of people

LightOfArt said:

no, just the jackson clan...

i have this theory about mj and janet....the more they isolate themselves from reality the more mj hiccups, grunts and grabs himself...with janet, she adds more seques, baby whispers, moans and talks about sex.....

sosgemini said:

I dont know about Jan but all Michael needs is a nice

LightOfArt said:

thats what got him into all this trouble in the first place...

I don't agree with number 4 , i think he's gay

Dewrede said:

:yes:

Those, including myself, that feel this way could be dead-wrong, but all the classic signs are there-- it's just that no one ever notices because he has more of a reputation for being eccentric rather than femme.

*ends thread-jack*

He's long overdue for taking most of the advice found in the letter.

Dewrede said:

i believe Michael is Transgender

Well Im Celibate
























I sell-a-bit here and sell-a-bit there

Actually Im Bi-sexual






























I buy sex y'all

Ahhhh fuck all y'all...I thought it was funny

Dewrede said:

LadyB0yCabDriver said:

try again

AndGodCreatedMe said:

baby i can go again & again....and then some more