What crunk actually is, has troubled some of the finest minds in the country. On this evidence, however, we can reveal that crunk is the mournful grunting/groaning sound that unpopular and low-rent chaps make during sexual fantasies about gorgeous, slutty women; the cuckolding of smarmy alpha males; nightclubs that come to an awestruck standstill when they swagger in; and full-scale street battles from which they emerge victorious. Then they get out of bed and ask their mum if she taped "Midsomer Murders".



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