Marrk said:

MJ fans say the funniest things

madonna's next album needs to be lighter. i'm not saying she shouldn't have any message or point but she should keep it down to a few songs. on american life every song is so serious. i just hope she doesn't jump on the "grab a hot new r&b producer" thing. it seems like everybody in the pop world does that at some point. maybe she could hook up with felix da housecat or peaches and make some kind of wild pop record.

SassyBritches said:

she needs to work with sheryl crow...they would BUILD THE PERFECT BITCH album together...

American Life - Warner Bros. 2003.


I've been writing this review site for more than seven years. I'll be the first to admit I took a couple years off in the middle there, but more or less one can kind of lie and say that I've been doing it for seven years. Lucky 13!!! Heh heh heh. Yes, and in all that time I've heard some truly horrendous, unlistenable records - records that rate at the very bottom of a metric 1-10 scale. Your Metal Machine Music, your Y Kant Tori Read -- heck, on this page alone, Madonna has scored a couple of 1s. But in all my years of reviewing - from the beginning of the 20th century clear through to the end of the 21st -- I never expected to come across an album with such a volative mixture of uncreative melody, embarrassing production and offensive, moronic lyricism that it would physically bust through the bottom of my scale and force my wife to design a graphic for "ZERO." After all, how would one go about getting a ZERO on a scale of 1 to 10? Genius that she is, Madonna has figured it out!

You know, a lot has happened since Madonna released her last shitty album. Let's see -- hmm. Well, there was that terrorist attack that killed a few thousand people in HER FORMER HOMETOWN. Yes there was that. Then there was that darned recession - STILL going on - that has left millions out of work while our president's business friends continue to steal more and more money for themselves. Oh yes! And then there was a war! A war in which we dropped bombs on the poverty-stricken and widowed many, many Iraqi women (killed some too). Throughout all this, we've been dealing with daily terrorist fears exacerbated by our monstrous administration and the five media companies that suck government cock every day of the year. This is a dangerous time to be an American -- and an even MORE dangerous time to live in a country that America doesn't like. Not only are you poor as dirt, but there's a good chance you're going to be buried under six feet of it within the next 12 months so Bush can keep our minds off of the economy he can't fix because he's a fucking retard.

So what does Madonna do? Well, let me put it this way -- you can tell me every fag, junglebunny and kike joke in the world and none of it is going to offend me anywhere NEAR as much as listening to some dumb rich cunt bitching and moaning about how much her life sucks for 50 fucking minutes. Before I delve into her poetry, let me preface this attack by saying that I certainly understand why an artist might choose not to address depressing social issues in their work. Entertainment is entertainment, after all, and lots of us turn to it for an escape from the disturbing reality we're experiencing. But that's not what American Life is. It is NOT escapist entertainment. It is Madonna presenting a series of dark, minor-key, UNHAPPY songs about how fake and plastic the entertainment business is and how it's not enough to make her happy. Hopefully I speak for the majority of Americans when I say BOO FUCKING HOO.

Let's start with track 1, "American Life." Aside from being almost inarguably the least catchy single Madonna has ever released, this song within the first thirty seconds makes it clear exactly how far out of touch Madonna is with real life. "Do I have to change my name? Will it get me far? Should I lose some weight? Am I gonna be a star?" THIS is American life in 2003? Who thinks like this now? Aside from the most narcissistic brain-dead failed actor, I can't imagine ANYBODY over the age of 13 seriously considering these to be important worries at this particular juncture in history. How about "Will there be any available jobs for me when I graduate college?" or "Will I ever be able to get out of this ghetto without being murdered by 'gangstas'?" or "Where is my family supposed to live now that I've been laid off and have no retirement money because the executives of my company stole all of it?"

But it gets much, MUCH worse later in the song, during the first of many unbelievably poorly conceived and humiliatingly executed raps performed by Madonna in a quite racist fake negro accent. "I got a lawyer and a manager, an agent and a chef," she brags. "Three nannies, an assistant and a driver and a jet, a trainer and a butler and a bodyguard or five, a gardener and a stylist..." before delivering the most horrifically thoughtless conclusion possible -- "Do you think I'm satisfied?"

Well, it must be nice to have the luxury to be UNSATISFIED with billions of dollars in the bank and people waiting on you hand and foot. Unfortunately, most of us actually have to work for a living - and many of us don't even have the opportunity to do that. How about asking yourself if your three nannies and assistant are satisfied? Or if your gardener and butler are satisfied? How about writing a song that doesn't include the word "I" at least forty times? Not this time. This is Madonna's time to whine about the trials of the rich -- which, I might add, is exactly what she did on Ray Of Light. And the most disturbing part is that she thinks she's speaking as a HUMAN. She's sure that she's one of US now. She has NO IDEA what being a person is like! How could she? She hasn't had a real problem in about thirty years! (My wife adds, "She hasn't had a decent SONG in about thirty years either!).

So what else does she offer on this magnum dopus: Next is "Hollywood," a quite obvious attempt to make excuses for her seemingly endless string of unsuccessful movies. "Everybody comes to Hollywood/They wanna make it in the neighbourhood/They like the smell of it in Hollywood/How could it hurt you when it looks so good?" Guess the critical reaction to "Swept Away" wasn't all she was expecting? Must be because Hollywood is cruel; couldn't be that she's a boring actress.

Next is "I'm So Stupid," which must be the tenth or twelfth song she's recorded about how materialistic and selfish she USED to be, and thank God she isn't anymore. Now she understands what's really important in life. That's why she feels the need to tell us this, over and over again. Almost as if it were a new IDENTITY that she was trying to slip into. Unfortunately, "honesty," "integrity" and "compassion" are not costumes that you can slip on and off like a bustier with gold-tipped nipples. And I'm sorry, no matter how many times she says it, I simply don't BELIEVE her when she claims, "I'm so stupid/Cause I use to live/In a tiny bubble/And I wanted to be/Like all the pretty people/That were all around me/But now I know for sure/That I was stupid." I'm not going to make a judgment call about whether Madonna is stupid or not -- but she is quite clearly as self-delusional as anybody else you're going to find in the entertainment industry. And what can you say about a person too dim to realize what even FRED DURST is able to figure out -- that American life has changed and celebrities at least have to make an effort to LOOK like they give a shit about other people?

Moving on, we come to another shallow introspection piece called "Nobody Knows Me." Well, first of all, as she has made evident for at least the past ten years of her career, there's not a whole lot to know. Monstrous ego, insatiable thirst for attention -- and that about covers it! And secondly, I don't suppose I have to explain to you exactly how it feels to hear this self-satisfied multi-billionaire sing, "I sleep much better at night/I feel closer to the light/Now I'm gonna try/To improve my life." I, I, I, my.

Pardon me one second while I count how many times Madonna uses first-person pronouns on this 50-minute release.

"American Life" = 62
"Hollywood" = 6
"I'm So Stupid" = 24
"Love Profusion" = 67
"Nobody Knows Me" = 68
"Nothing Fails" = 26
"Intervention" = 27
"X-Static Process" = 60
"Mother And Father" = 71
"Die Another Day" = 55
"Easy Ride " = 34.

Well, they say write what you know. And Madonna is all Madonna knows. Or cares about. So why shouldn't she refer to herself 507 times in 50 minutes? That's more than 10 times per minute. That means that Madonna is attempting to show that she is no longer selfish and one-dimensional -- by making a verbal reference to herself EVERY SIX SECONDS FOR THE ENTIRE CD.

There is much more about this album that repulses me. There's that fucking irritating vocal effect (the one from "Die Another Day" and about six trillion other interchangeable female-sung dance/pop songs) that I'd hoped she'd gotten enough of on Music, but no! Let's take that already-tired gimmick and use it another fifty times! After all, how could anybody get sick of hearing your sung notes flick up and down electronically, sucking out any ounce of personality your voice had left (which wasn't much anyway -- CHRIST, what happened to that peppy young girl that sang "Lucky Star"!?!?)? Then there's all the acoustic guitar playing, which is intended (I guess) to sound folky and "genuine," but ends up coming across as gimmicky and boring because the producer just samples four seconds of playing and repeats it over and over again rather than actually having a guitarist in the room during the session. There's even the fact that NONE of the songs come even CLOSE to catchy, relying instead on boring, lifeless minor-key crap for nearly all eleven songs. But I want to go watch Rollerball (the original one -- I watched High Plains Drifter last night and it KICKED ASS!!!!) and hopefully I've made my point clear by NOW. So instead I'd like to close with the biggest self-deception of all. The kind of lyric that only an inexcusably comfortable out-of-touch old sloth would even CONSIDER having the gall to utter in a song that will be heard by millions and millions of normal average people who have to work 40 or more hours a week just to keep their heads above water. Am I really the only one that wants to break into Madonna's bank account and give ALL of her money to her poor fan base when she announces, "I want the good life/But I don't want an easy ride/What I want is to work for it/Feel the blood and sweat on my fingertips/That's what I want for me."

Go ahead, read it again. Read what one of the richest human beings on the planet sings to y ou WITH A STRAIGHT FACE on her new CD. Go ahead. Read it again and again and again, and then tell me how you -- how ANYONE -- could listen to this CD without wanting to throw the fucking thing (if not the fucking WOMAN) through a plate glass window? Is it really all that different from that episode of the Simpsons where billionaire Montgomery Burns claims, "Being waited on hand and foot might be okay for the average Joe, but not for me!" (that was a paraphrase, but it was close).

Madonna has no idea what American life is like. She only knows what the life of a spoiled celebrity is like. Five years ago, I would have let her get off easy with a grade of 2 or 3. But not now. This is a pre-9/11 album in a post-9/11 world. We don't care anymore, Madonna. And I'm speaking directly to you because I know that you're totally always checking out my Madonna reviews to see if people are adding any comments.



Copied from www.markprindle.com (review site)

halfway through that review i was bored. he bitches about madonna bitching. whateva, treva.

MartyMcFly said:

Marrk said:

Right, she talked about herself WAY 2 much on that album.. i was like "ok..damn get over it.." over every song.

Her last.

I'm open to just about anything from her at this point as long as it doesn't involve Mirwais AT ALL.

I dug his tweaking on Music, but it's grown tiresome. Not to mention that it wasn't very original on AL. While I really dig the CD, all to frequently it reminds me of Daft Punk or other previous electonica/electroclashy albums and it just never comes close to breaking new ground. My big fear with AL is that it's gonna sound horribly dated in about 1 more year.

So, I hope she goes in a somewhat more poppy direction. Definately in her lyrics. AL was WAY TOO HEAVY. It's fine for one album, but we don't need another. I also hope against hopes that she quits talking bout the fact money means nothing to her now. I mean come on lady...charge me $350 to see you and $70 to wear your t-shirt and then have the nerve to say money means nothing?! I guess that's something only an obscenely rich person can say...

I like some of the ideas posted here, such as working with peaches, jamiroquai, felix da housecat, etc.

As long as she keeps it light though, I don't really care.

Madonna should do whatever she wants to do on her next album. Since her best work is pretty dark, I find it amusing that fans are desperate to see her lighten up.

Ideally, the next album would be an artistic triumph on the level of Like A Prayer, which is a mix of fluffy ear-candy and serious material. The best of both worlds, I guess. The sequencing of that album was spectacular.

And I agree about firing fucking Mirwais. The dude is annoying, and his musical eccentricities are, too.
[This message was edited Tue Jul 13 15:08:39 2004 by VoicesCarry]

gman1966 said:

What, like you know tons of 45-year-old women that look like that? Please direct me to them....

i dug the really atmospheric, filmic-sounding stuff she did with william orbit on "ray of light". in my opinion, she was knockin' em out of the park from "erotica" through ROL, then all that mirwais crap started up and she sounded just like every other vocodered ol' gay bar diva wobbling down the turnpike.

hell, i think bob stanley of saint etienne should produce a madonna album. he can do with her what he's done for sarah cracknell all these years, and get a wider audience for st.et, while boosting ol' madge with a refreshingly retro, brian-wilson-gone-electronica kinda groove.

yeah, i put my faith in that bastion of music journalism "markprindle.com" over the likes of All Music Guide any day

MartyMcFly said:

Anxiety said:

you are BRILLIANT!

this is the best idea yet!

SassyBritches said:

I agree,she better not jump on the "grab a hot new R&B producer thing" bandwagon.That would make me lose interest.These days,I think she prefers to work with people who don't work with everybody else,which is why I suggested Jamiroquai and Remy Shand.But yeah,i would love for her to do a "lighter" album,something fun and danceable.

I just want her albums filled with good and consistent POP songs

American Life left a lot to be desired. The songs, though not completely bad
are not very memorable either. She should stop the pretentious shit and
also stop relying so much in the latest hot producer. I think the Mirwais stuff will
sound dated very soon.

VoicesCarry said:

It's true,her best work is her darkest music.But after 'Ray Of Light','Music' and 'American Life' (albums that mostly featured deeply personal,confessional lyrics),it's time for her to have fun again.On those albums,she did alot of soul-searching and reflecting.Nothing wrong with that.I think pop artists make their strongest music when they're baring their soul,analyzing their lives and their spirituality (Prince's 'Lovesexy' for example).But I think many Madonna fans simply miss hearing fun,uncomplicated singles from her ("Cherish","Deeper and Deeper","Secret").

It's kind of amusing how she has to be paired up with someone good, to make a good album. In other words, she can't do it herself...

Tom said:

i'm not an interior designer. i know what i want and how i want the finished room to look, i just don't have all the skills to make it happen. for instance i can help paint or build something but i need some direction in the process.

Tom said:

Aretha Franklin doesn't have the talent to produce an album all by herself.Does that mean she's not a great artist? Lauryn Hill used other producers on her 'Miseducation' album.Does that take away from her own talents?

DavidEye said:

I guess my comment was a bit too broad. But with madonnas last few albums there has been so much emphasis on who she pairs up with, when shouldn't the main thing be her insight, her talent, her abilities?

Yes, other prominent artists team up with various producers and songwriters as well, but even with the best of them, it starts to show when they become too dependent on them.

But there's also artists like Joni, who can just pick up a guitar and make an incredible song. She doesnt need a team of professionals to hold her hand through the whole process.

Tom said:

and that is what makes people like joni special. what makes an entertainer like madonna special is her ability to incorporate her work with someone else's. if joni tried to make a pop record like madonna she would fall flat on her face. that is not an insult, since joni herself would probably choke at the idea of making a pop record. joni does joni. madonna does madonna. no one can replicate either woman.

Tom said:

it starts to show with Madonna too. I'm Breathless was the death knell for Pat Leonard. Erotica for Shep Pettibone, Music for William Orbit.... American Life for Mirwais.

it should be noted that the only times she's hooked up with the latest "hot" producers has been when she went in a more r&b direction (LAV and Bedtime Stories albums), for quick cash-in value. though they had been around previously, she practically MADE Pat Leonard, Pettibone, and Mirwais. and hell, William Orbit was considered a has-been by 1997 when she recorded with him. all of these people have gone on to great success in large part due to their work with Madonna, when pretty much nobody was paying any attention to them before, aside from the occasional remix buried on a 12-inch or maxi-single.

Madonna LOOKS GREAT!!!
She is indeed aging very well...

She doesn't use drugs or drink heavy...she's no Courtney Love...
She is MADONNA and how beautiful she is at 45!!!


I'm 25 and have loved her since I could remember!
Her next album should be a return to OLD SCHOOL MUSIC!

Madonna -Dance Material, no electronic experiments this time around...I want that 80's sound and edge to her music.
Plus more Ballads on the line of 'Crazy 4 U, This used to be my playground, and Live to tell'.

She doesn't need to experiment with Electronics anymore...maybe one or two...rock oriented songs!

BUT BRING BACK THE MADONNA OF 80'S!


www.newpowerdetroit.com

That old ass bat should never release another album. it's just bloody awful so called music ... and more .....

DODOBref said:

i'd really like to see her do a jazzy thing, similar in style, but better than I'm Breathless. maybe like the re-INVENTION performance of Deeper & Deeper.








just kidding. that sucked!

Tessa said:

I was gonna say!!!!

I'll admit, I thought the performance was cute for a minute. But, once I realized that she wasn't gonna slam it into a full-on dance party I was about ready to slap her!

Tessa said:

According to the U.S. tabloid Star magazine (as you know,not a very reliable source,lol)...Madonna has just finished recording a "Broadway-sounding" album that an insider says will be tied to the movie "Hello Suckers",a film that she would like to star in.