This month's Playboy has an article entitled, "Talk Like A Prince". It's a humor piece by Rob Tannenbaum. It's basically a tutorial on how to talk like Prince so you can get the draws.

This portion of the article is on Playboy's website at:

http://www.playboy.com/ma...rince.html

TALK LIKE A PRINCE
He's short. He wears high heels, G-strings and feather boas. He sings in falsetto. And yet, he ends up with Kim Bassinger, Madonna and Carmen Electra. Is there something we can learn from this man?

Humor by Rob Tannenbaum

As Valentine's Day nears, millions of men face a difficult choice: whether to send a dozen red roses or a dozen white roses. Flowers, men understand, cannot fail to express a certain mild effort and thoughtfulness. This is the pleasure of the conformist gift. Through generations, men have sent flowers on special occasions as automatically as we've worn safety goggles when welding. In both instances, our objective is to avoid being injured by the sparks carelessness can cause.

Women understand how little consideration a flower order requires; men are compelled to send roses, however, because love is a language, and we are illiterate. In our efforts to speak more fluently, I suggest men look to the inventive example of Prince, a.k.a. , the Artist Formerly Known as Prince and, simply, the Artist.

Back in the Eighties, the singer was rumored to have dated a series of alluring actress-singers: Apollonia, Madonna, Vanity, Sheena Easton, Carmen Electra and Susanna Hoffs, plus Kim Basinger and Troy Beyer (who were both actresses but not singers, so far as anyone can recall). Yet, viewed with a cold eye, Prince's charms aren't instantly evident. He is short. He sings in a girlish falsetto. He dresses in high heels, lace, G-strings and other women’s apparel. I have an Uncle Kenny who fits this description, and Kenny spends most of his time in prison or in group therapy. Any man who can become a stud while dancing in the wardrobe of a New Orleans streetwalker knows some things the rest of us do not.

Buy the newest album from Prince, The Rainbow Children, at Amazon.com.

On examination, it's clear Prince seduces with language, much in the tradition of another physical misfit, Cyrano de Bergerac. "I'm gonna talk so sexy, she'll want me from my head to my feet," Prince boasts in one song. This cunning linguist is such a champion romantic, he even married his former wife, Mayte Garcia, on Valentine's Day several years ago, leaving actress-singers to Lenny Kravitz.

Unlike Prince, you may lack the imagination to call your girl's bedroom "the place where your horses run free." You may not have the audacity required to tell her, "Jerk your body like a horny pony would." Instead of banal roses or Hallmark verses this year, you can integrate some of Prince's lyrical sentiments into traditional Valentine's Day wishes and customize your romantic entreaty. Here's an example:

My darling,

I'm so glad you're my valentine. I cherish you because you're smart, funny, thoughtful and YOUR BODY'S HECKA-SLAMMIN'. Now that you've agreed to be my valentine again this year, I GOT A LION IN MY POCKET AND, BABY, HE'S READY 2 ROAR. I've learned so much from you in the time we've shared: that love is kind, that love is gentle, that love is patient, that there are 23 POSITIONS IN A ONE-NIGHT STAND.

For more Prince-like seduction techniques, buy the February 2002 issue of Playboy magazine.

(This isn't the entire article. It's actually pretty funny.
It would be a pain in the ass to type verbatim, but if you guys beg me enough I'll do it.)

[Y'all get on with the beggin' if you like... -Ben]