Prince Will No Longer Cuss

Could this be a better day for comical news? I think not. Prince has
officially sworn off swearing. No kidding. Prince has become a Jehovah's
Witness of late, and as a result of taking up that, uh, religion, Prince
will no longer say bad words. This is Prince we are talking about, by the
way-the original purveyor of buttless pants. He made this announcement in a
forthcoming issue of Gotham magazine, where he also discusses the importance
of God in the life of teenagers. According to reports in the Associated
Press, Prince told the magazine that ''when you use those [curse] words, you
call up all the anger, all the negative times the word has been used before
-- you bring it toward yourself. Why would you want that?" And later, "When
I look at the violence, I wonder where the parents are, but also where is
God in their lives? A kid is an open computer ready for programming. Some
weird relationships happen, smoking too early and sex.'' Smoking too early
is definitely a hazard. So are buttless pants! In related Prince news, the
former symbol-man is currently in the midst of his Hit and Run Tour. But
this particular tour is weird and Prince only announces a small number of
dates usually a few days before playing them. He goes out for a short time
on the road and then comes back to Paisley Park. Then he does it again. He
is really odd. In other related news, Prince recently launched his
super-special New Power Generation Music Club, which allows subscribers
special access to all things Prince, like new tracks, videos, messages from
Prince himself and other fun interactive things. Prince's forthcoming album
is called The Rainbow Children. For all the latest news on Prince and his
curse words and tour updates, check out the man's website. And don't say
"ass." In related news, Prince is slated to perform at this year's
Montreal's Festival International de Jazz, from June 28 to July 8.

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- Mico Rison