These phone call stories are bizarre. If she phoned me, I'd find it difficult not to put on the comedy Prince voice from 'if a Girl Answers'

Phoning personally to take orders?! I mean, if the book had come out on time, it would have been a cool thing. Now it just looks a bit weird. She could self publish through photobox and it'd be ready in a week.

dustysgirl said:

Exactly. She can't keep using the "been ill" excuse because she was taking preorders 4 years ago. I do hope she's in better health, but she can't keep using that as an excuse. And she was on TBN in December of 2008 promoting the book and saying it was finished. Well, if that was the case, why has nobody got their book and why would you promote a book that hasn't even been printed yet? Honestly, Denise is getting really tiresome with all her excuses.

A lot of those religious freaks are liars and hypocrites.

Now if Vanity called me, the conversation would go something like this:

rriiiiing
Blaque: Hello? Who dis iz?

Vanity: Hi, this is Evangelist Denise Matthews. I understand someone here ordered a copy of my book. The lady of the house, perhaps?

Blaque: Craig, n*gga is this you? Don't be playin' on my phone and sh*t.

Vanity: This isn't Craig. Its Reverend Denise Matthews.

Blaque: Oh snap! This is Vanity! "Tonight, I'm livin' in a fantasy, my own little nasty world...

Vanity: Excuse me...

Blaque: "Tonight, are ya gonna cum on me cause you know I'm a nasty girl"

Vanity: Those aren't the words. Anyway, I just wanted to personally thank you for purchasing my book and offer you some guidance in saving your soul

Blaque: Oh, thanks baby but I got all my old albums backed up on mp3. Its all good. No lost soul, here, V. Call I call you V? Vampish...Vanity...I am vamp!

Vanity: Miss Matthews is fine.
It seems as if you are leading a very secular life. Are you overindulging in pleasures of the flesh?

Blaque: Not at the moment. But if you wanna help a brotha out with that...

Vanity: I used to be on that misguided path of fornication. I indulged in all sorts of pleasures of the flesh and took all kinds of drugs...

Blaque: Oh, so you was a big ass slut back in the day, huh? S'aight. I understand. I've knocked the bottom out of mad honeys, I just never got zooted out of my mind like you did before I did it.

Vanity: HEY! I think I should go...

Blaque: Wait...I wanna say a prayer.

Vanity: Oh, okay. Its always a good time to call upon the Lord, praise his name.

Blaque: Dear Lord, let Miss Matthews, a former Nasty Girl, show through her book how she overcame her Mechanical Emotion and found her way to you. Let her tell of how she went from being the Pretty Mess that she was, Flippin' Out and acting like a Wild Animal...was she Crazy? Maybe. But now she has found her way to you. Let her tell how you Undressed her from her sins and whatever she was Under The Influence of...

Vanity: I see what you're doing here...

Blaque: Wait, I'm not finished.
Dear Lord, PLEASE let there be some dirty shit off in this damn book that took her ass 10 or 12 years to release.
Please let her go thoroughly through each and every flithy, nasty detail...

Vanity: My book is a guide to helping those that need to see the path to salvation find it by understanding how I got there through the mistakes I made in my life. I'm trying to help young people understand that you don't have to go to the brink of death to get to God's guiding light.

Blaque: Oh.

Blaque: So you got somethin' in there bout Rick James knockin' yo box out?

Vanity: I try to tell the truth about my past misgivings...

Blaque: I'll take that as a yes.

Vanity: Well, once the book arrives, you can read it for yourself.

Blaque: So, from what I understand, you used to get down with Rick James, then you kicked it with Andre Cymone for a minute and Prince, too? There were even rumors about you and Morris. Then you popped over to Nikki Sixx and you rolled with a couple of few other rockers as well before you married a pro football player, right?

Vanity: Well, I have abandoned that pathway to destruction.

Blaque: So you was a straight up starfucker, huh?
Damn V, you was buck wild. I ain't mad at cha, baby.

Vanity: Well now I have offered myself to Jesus...

Blaque: So JC gets to hit that if he wants to? Damn V, you worked your way all the way up, huh?
Still starfuckin'. Uh huh.

Vanity: No, I...

Blaque: Looky-here, I don't drink but I got this leftover Colt 45 malt liquor from this party I had a while back. You're welcome to come on over and...

Vanity: I no longer immerse myself in the sins like that.

Blaque: Well, I can get you some wine, baby. You like boxed or screw top?

Vanity: I don't drink that cheap shi...uh, I mean I do not partake of such things any more.

Blaque: Hey, didn't Jesus say somethin' bout wine bein' his blood and bread being his flesh? I got red in the box, baby if you want to take a squig.

Vanity: I'm sorry but I have to go.

Blaque: Well, do you got Apollonia's number? Maybe she can fill in for your ass like she did in Purple Rain. Second best is good enough for me.

Vanity: Good-bye!

Blaque: But, don't cha wanna see my knightstick?

CLICK.
[Edited 4/8/10 0:43am]

Diana80 said:

While I do believe that she was truly sick and I hope she's okay,I think it's time for her to either release the book or refund people's money.The end of this month should be the final deadline.No more excuses after that!

BlaqueKnight you are one of the most entertaining posters here without a doubt!

mimi2 said:

co-sign


I almost peed my pants at that post.

Blaque, you's a fool! I wonder if Vanity lurks around here and if she's seen this...

Shyra said:

Not likely. I think she tries to put the whole Prince thing behind her.