Long ago, when I was way young, I got married. She had a 2-yr old boy. He was my first son.

Last friday night, he overdosed and died. The funeral was today. It was horrible. He was 20. I never ever thought I would have to bury one of my children, and I hope I won't have to ever do it again.

I know we're all musicians first in this little board, and I don't know any of y'all personally, but, if you have friends who are battling drugs right now, or if you are battling an addiction, my heart goes out to you.

I beg you to seek help, go to an NA meeting, talk to someone. Any drugs I did as recreational, prior to Friday, I'm never touching again. This has changed me forever.

Sorry to rain on the NFO parade. We are doing something incredible with the NFO - but, I wanted to say something about Matthew. That's him on the RIGHT (edit), last Christmas. The other two are my other boys.



- - - -
Here's a song I wrote last year, out of my frustration of his situation.

IS IT SO BAD
Caught between a lie and what you believe
you wiped your tears off on your sleeve
and when you open your eyes,
you find that you've been brought to your knees.
You didn't ask for no help
you figure you'd save yourself
but by the time you could see
you found you were just two steps from hell.

Is it so bad
that you hide your head in shame
looking for someone to blame
for where you are.
Is it so bad
that you'd rather die on me
than ask for my empathy
and a helping hand.

And I'd give you my hand
no matter if I was mad
or amazed
or ashamed
I can't belive the things that you did to yourself.

Is it so bad
that you hide your head in shame
looking for someone to blame for
where you are.
Is it so bad
that you'd rather die on me
than ask for my empathy
and a helping hand.

You don't have to suffer.
Maybe I can't help you,
but together we'll find someone who will.

- - - -

I never finished the song, but now I will.
http://www.blindslim.com/...bad_02.mp3

[This message was edited Wed Apr 9 4:12:46 PDT 2003 by otan]
[This message was edited Wed Apr 9 14:49:13 PDT 2003 by otan]

Oh my god. That is so horrible. I don't know what to say. Other than I'm sorry.

Oh man.

I am truly sorry for you loss.

I know every night I come home and see my first and only child (7 months) , I put my hand on his chest to make sure he's ok.

I freak out every time I think of what I'd be without him.


This is the worst thing I could ever imagine that could ever happen to a parent.


Liseten Otan, I'm gettin on my knees right now and prayin' for you and yours.


Lord knows that that this is all anybody can give.

Man, I am so sorry.

Prayers&RIP.

that's really terrible. i'm very sorry, you have my deepest sympathies.

Words can't do anything, and there's not enough gravity in my vocabulary to do justice to such sad news - sending warm vibes your way.

I can't express how heavy my heart feels as I read this. My heart goes out to you, Beau.

Got Damn. This is very unexpected news from a dear friend. Our hearts go out:(

I'm very sorry otan. Having kids of my own has made me realize the value of life. my heart goes out to you friend.

This thread hit me brick-hard several hours ago ... haven't stopped thinking about it since.
Sincere prayers 4 u and ur family - straight from the heart - and no doubt, sum1 will take heed 2 the message u send.
peace
[This message was edited Wed Apr 9 0:00:29 PDT 2003 by aspera773]

Mes condoléances

That´s so tragic.My thoughts goes out 2 U & your family.
Drugs is fucked up.I´ve experienced the flip side of
it in my family.Luckily it turned out fine at the end
but it was a wake-up call 4 me not having those
libaral thoughts about it again.
Peace & luv 2 all of U/Manki

i'm very sorry...blessings and condolences to you and your family

I'm sorry man. May God Bless You.

Thank you all for your kind words.

I've got to go back to work today, just to have the distraction. - I re-read my post and I was wrong - in the photo, Matthew is on the right.

Thank you again for your prayers and kind words.

thats so sad man. Im so sorry to hear that otan

Hey Beau,

The thoughts and prayers of prince.org are with you and your family.
I can only imagine what you are going thru @ the moment, but if there's one thing I know from the short time I have known you, is that,

1. You are truly an authentic person

and

2. You are a very strong person.

Now if your threads and postings are anything to go by and U share the same integrity with your kids, you should know that your sons are, were and always will be proud of you.

Thus, the aforementioned is verified.

Stay strong, and I wish you God's speed through this time.

All the best.

Andre St. Clair Dyer

Otan My Sympathies to you and your family, me being the father of a 9 year old son,i hope i never ever have to bury my child.my thoughts and prayers are with you, for he is in a better place. and his soul is at ease.

DreZone said:

Thanks for the kind words Dre.

yamomma said:

Yea, Man I to am truely sorry for your loss, If there has ever been a time for us all to unite, the time is now...If there is anything we can do...Just let us know.

May God be with you and yours.

We send you and your entire family condonlances

- DreamFirstBorn, Jew/HRH Gregory Alive
and the entire staff at The DownLoad Society.

I am truly sorry to hear that. My sincere condolances to you and your son's family. God bless.

My sincere condolances

dude..that's so sad... sorry to hear it... peace to you and your family

Truly sorry to hear that, Otan. My condolensces to you and your family.

Man, otan. I am deeply sorry to hear this. My condolences go out to you and your family.

Otan, u are in my thoughts. I lost my cousin 2 suicide only 5 or 6 weeks past, and that changed my outlook on life 360 - Im just glad that the last time I saw Him I told Him I loved Him very much, and that we hugged. That gave me much comfort thru dark days - that and the great memories we shared.

Death of someone we hold dear is so very hard 2 comprehend - especially when it is sudden.

Thinking of u at this hard time friend,

Jesus, dude, I am so sorry. My prayers are with you, friend.


Jason

otan said:

That's right man, work it out through your music. Those are some powerful lyrics.

There are particular feelings that I wish to share with you and I know no other way to convey them than to share the how a scene in Lord of The Rings, The Two Towers left me feeling.

In this particular scene, I think it is the King of the Golden Hall is recently woken from a deep and powerful hold over his person from Soloman. He goes outside of the kingdom and speaks with, I think it is Gandalf, who tells him that his son was killed while he was under a spell. And the King stands on the plane of land outside and says 'No one should ever have to bury their child'... and weeps at his graveside.

This really hit me, as I have a son who is 2 1/2. It was a film, yes, it is the meaning and message behind it that provoked a deep emotional response. Words simply, I imagine do not touch where you may be at. All I can say, is that I feel for you where you may be at, I hope that you have a support system that works for you when you need that help and my thoughts are for you Otan. Take real good care.