The future used to lay before me,

Ahead of me,

Like an unwrapped gift.

Like a promise of hope.

Now I wake up

And it is already behind me.

And no matter how fast I run,

I cannot catch up to it.

Change used to be a welcomed guest,

And I was always so anxious to greet it.

But now,

Before I am even fully dressed

I have become out of fashion.

Already out of fashion.

There had always been some predictability

To life.

Those little things you could take for granted

Without ever thinking twice.

Like spring.

Time to start planting

And putting all your winter things away.

But now

There comes a late frost,

Then another.

And suddenly it is snowing again.

And you are lost,

Caught between conflicting seasons.

There used to be a sense of security

To life.

Not a complacency,

But a Calm.

Like a softly falling snow on Christmas Eve.

But now there is a sense of panic

To everything.

A not knowing,

Pulling me further and further away

From peace.

C Dianne Baumgartner 2018