It hurts down there in the emotions that are contrary to my Spiritual belief. I played 'Better than U think.' he recommended it. Oh i hear him when he wants to make me listen. The clamour of life intrudes i have breakfast waiting on the bench. I was supposed to have it b4 i came on but i was impatient to connect w/ u over there. I am doing my best to fight off this feeling of being bereft. Like i just lost a dearly beloved husband. I'll wear a wedding ring in public. I bought it just for that reason. I'm not available i'm married to Prince in my heart and Soul and i'll be damned if he's ever going to get rid of me. I would feel the bottom has dropped out of my world if i don't maintain this charade. I'll go through all the motions of life. I'll laugh, i'll weep but my heart is with Prince wherever he is. His bot. posted something about 'one like U never lasts for eternity.' I read that as a challenge to my dedication. I cite the Year of the Tree. They last longer than us. Prince got that i had paid for all my short comings in advance by doing volunteer work in my early married life to compensate for when i couldn't physically give any more. Paying it forward i've heard it discribed. Very apt. I'm cut off the twitter feed has stopped. I can't receive or post. The weather app was infected on the the iPhone so that's off as well. I still have the other 47 pages of that letter i didn't get to know if he read. I doubt it. He would have mail piled up to the ceiling from all over. I feel the zing in the world has just toned down. I'll find him in everything. I'll see him everywhere. I listen to him every day. I'll keep him playing as long as my heart doesn't break in the process i'll endure because that is what this will be for me. I endure because i have his music to play all the time. I will do. I'm lost without it. Sun's up, Magpie chortling out there. I went out and stood under the Moon that peeked through the clouds about 4am ish. I took it to Nature to heal some of the pain. Always always there it will remain. To Spirit nothing in this world is impermiable it flows in and around and through, him, me, everything. In this Spirit we move and have our Being. When our vibration is closest to Divine we coalesce with the Divine. It is then that we know we are truly One.

It's going to be more elevating than i expected. I am not lost for words i'm just almost drowned in a sea of emotion. It's hovering on the edges of reality that it's a possibility i will only see him in my dreams now. I haven't been able to see him yet. Feel him no problem. Especially if i get on the verge of losing control of the grief. I'm going to have trouble listening to a few. I feel him in my hands. I wanted to see if both pairs r the same as each other. They become hypersensitive and perceive softness in all things that r touched. I wonder why he gives me his hands to play with? So he can feel what i'm doing of course. I'll feel it when it's ok to come on here. It has to warm up. It makes me wonder why i still have the songs playing in my head when i wake up in the morning..it may give me a reason to wake up, i just don't understand it now. I had only just begun living again. Him, the music and the 'mind wells up in wonder, thinking 'bout me and U, a dozen fantasies(only a dozen i teased? Must have been having a bad day, i could come up with lots.), call me one & done, when U look at me.'Prince. R U going to make me live without him in my life?

[Edited 4/25/16 14:11pm]

Well written, it has a good flow...I understand where you're coming from. When I heard the news I cried uncontrallably for three days and later all the time in between when I thought I was alone. It became hard for me to display any emotion...I was akin to a corpse...I just found no reason to laugh, and sing anymore... How can such a talented man be gone form us so soon?! Why does an insignificant, umimportant person like me linger...I'd gladly change places with him if It would bring him back! I hear his music all the time...as if he'd wanted me to sing...and it's frustrating! He was such an inspiration to me if it weren't for him I'd never would have taught myself how to draw and sing...sometimes I wondert if I had been better off never having liked him at all...I feel so lost and empty without him....now he comes to me only in dreams...I'll love you until the die expire...

PurpleRain747 said:

Well written, it has a good flow...I understand where you're coming from. When I heard the news I cried uncontrallably for three days and later all the time in between when I thought I was alone. It became hard for me to display any emotion...I was akin to a corpse...I just found no reason to laugh, and sing anymore... How can such a talented man be gone form us so soon?! Why does an insignificant, umimportant person like me linger...I'd gladly change places with him if It would bring him back! I hear his music all the time...as if he'd wanted me to sing...and it's frustrating! He was such an inspiration to me if it weren't for him I'd never would have taught myself how to draw and sing...sometimes I wondert if I had been better off never having liked him at all...I feel so lost and empty without him....now he comes to me only in dreams...I'll love you until the die expire...

Wow, is that your drawing? It's very good!