Q: What did one butt cheek say to the other?

A: Together, we can stop this sh*t.

I betcha we'll get relocated once luv4u finds us in here Just a hunch.

If a man is alone in the forest without any women, is he still wrong?

A man comes home from work to find his wife sliding down the banister.

"What are you doing?" he asks.

"Warming up your dinner."

While watching TV with his wife, a man tosses peanuts into the air and catches them in his mouth. Just as he throws another peanut into the air, the front door opens, causing him to turn his head. The peanut falls into his ear and gets stuck.
*
His daughter comes in with her date. The man explains the situation, and the daughter's date says, "I can get the peanut out."
*
He tells the father to sit down, shoves two fingers into the father's nose, and tells him to blow hard. The father blows, and the peanut flies out of his ear.
*
After the daughter takes her date to the kitchen for something to eat, the mother turns to the father and says, "Isn't he smart? I wonder what he plans to be."
*
The father says, "From the smell of his fingers, I'd say our son-in-law."

*

Q: What do you call a fake noodle?

*

A: An Impasta

Q: What do you call an alligator in a vest?

*

A: An Investigator

Q: Did you ever hear about that movie constipation?

*

A: It never came out.