It's time for the truth and the truth will be told.

For the oath that i swore as a 7 year old.

Now i can't hold my peace,

It's my life on the line,

It's been the ridiculous and i want the Sublime.

If i get it for me there's a pay off for all

What i overcome, the Doh will install.

I am weak and i'm frail, full of sin and obtuse.

So i'm perfectly made to be of some use.

You can bet i have cribbed,

I've moaned and i've cried,

Give me mercy my God,

When Your Love i've denied.

Okay i give in God, You have Your Day,

Lead my life as You want,

I won't get in Your way.

I am humbled and meek yet not full of regret,

God's waiting for me to pay off on our bet.

I staked my life on proving each day,

That with God at the helm, I could live my own way.

Grow in Love.

Wisdom can only be had for a price,

Not the luck of the draw or the roll of the dice.

We don't gamble in childhood,

When we first see the flame,

That a thing of such beauty,

Could inflict so much pain.

We learn through our pain,

Of our erronous ways.

o

Like the virtue of patience

That is taught by delays.

By bestowal of trust,

We learn whom to believe.

Soon you will find,

You are hard to deceive.

Though first there's the pain,

Of trust that's misplaced.

Feel sorry for them,

Who themselves have disgraced.

It's a pity life's lessons

Are taught with some pain.

So you're not to forget,

Or you'll suffer again.

We all have to learn.

What we'll hold to be true.

On foundations of sand,

None can build or renew.

We must grow in Love,

And it hurts just a bit.

For it can't be contained,

When it's too great to fit.

Don't harden your heart,

You don't know what's in store.

Love broke it to allow you to Love all the MORE.

I Promised.

I promised God if He let me come,

I'd do my very best,

To wake up all the sleepers,

And to educate the rest.

I won't break the word i gave Him,

I'll bear up under strain,

For all I am He is the Cause,

His son bore all the pain.

So it with great frustration,

I see wars still being fought,

And history's long proven,

Man's free will can be bought.

All fighting for the right to live,

In dignity and Grace,

For without us not one mogul,

Would ever keep their place.

You sacrifice your right to live,

When you break Heaven's laws.

A nation's might does not mean right,

If you'r taking what's not yours.

Elder Respect.

If you rip off an elder ,

In thought, word or deed.

Then expect it's return,

In your hour of need.

We've survived to this age,

By learning to Play,

What age has created,

Can be lost the same way.

You are ageing each moment,

With each breath you take.

Earning qualifications,

With the choices you make.

Be respectful to those,

Who have been there before.

Your rights were held sacred,

And the Angels keep score.

If you cause them to suffer,

Then you're guaranteed,

To meet the same fate,

When it's you that's in need.

Your childhood was strife-less,

Because we stood guard.

If our old age is life-less,

Then yours will be hard.

What is doled out to elders,

Right now is obscene.

When it happens to you,

I bet you vent your spleen.

Consider with care,

What you do to the old.

You will live to regret it,

If your heart is stone cold.

Spoilt Brat.

God's spoilt me with the good things,

Right in amongst the bad.

He spoils me with the greatest Joy,

Even when i'm sad.

Now i'm the spoilest brat i know,

Because He lives with me,

He does little things to let me know,

I'm in His company.

He's got a sense of humour,

That's just cheek in the extreme.

I could have said it's wicked,

But that isn't what I mean.

When i'm doing what He wants me to,

Though He's never told me What.

When i'm out on a tangent,

He will let me lose the plot.

Well i know my efforts puny,

But i Love to make Him laugh.

In His Infinite Perfection,

I've a neck like a giraffe.

So when i feel Him laughing,

Then my effort's hit the mark.

I'll keep sticking out my neck God,

We'll be laughing 'til i cark.

I Don't Fit.

There's no uni degree to acredit my wit,

In this class conscious world in none do i fit.

I couldn't conform to squeeze into a mould,

This task i perform requires I'm bold.

In minutest detail I've studied my field,

Though I've often balked, I eventually yield.

There's no cure for it, I must keep to my course,

My victory reward is assured by the Source.

I could not live just to benefit one,

If it was for my 'self' then it would not be done.

There'd be few volunteers to engage in this rout,

There's no crowd that cheers when you win a bout.

It was my free will choice, not my honor at stake,

When it's given voice, it's for real and not fake.

In the battle for life, there's no win for the faint,

With the armor of Spirit, I've no need of restraint.

There are some human natures I admire and respect.

There'll be some of those humans who to me will object.

If they don't work for the Light, to me they don't count.

Because they don't reflect God's Love in any amount.

We're here for a purpose and that we must serve.

Of our Infinite Creator, we are each a nerve.

Through us I.C. knows what life here is worth,

It's worthwhile to remember He Loves Mother Earth!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Length and Breadth of Life.

The longitude and latitude of life is a matter of attitude,

Remembering to now and then,

Indulge in the feeling of Gratitude.

8.18pm.

So i made it down there and back and i did NOT buy cigarettes, i forgot how to spell it even.

I had some very hairy moments, i dropped a 20 somewhere, gift to the Universe for all their help with Love, can't let that upset me i could have done the twenty on fags and i didn't so i am still infront. Thank You.

I did feel fear at at least 2 or 3 occassions and i had to readjust to the non-smoking ideal. Now it looks like this is the place i feel safest and i am so Grateful for this i can't explain why this is but it just is. It's another feeling of being Home. See there it is that feeling of Peace. I am letting this sink in tonight i just wanted to let you know i kept the faith and didn't buy any gaspers i am encouraged to believe i can do it. i am not over confident i still have another week of testing to get through. This is not a small thing i am trying to do for me. i have smoked since i was 12 and i only stopped twice before. Both times i took it up again. This time it is different. i'll clock in tomorrow i'm ready to conk out. God Bless and Be well.

5.23am i got the mundane done. Got a prog on o'nites 4am TC did a segmnt on Willie Shaky speare. Got sucked in, Loves me Willie.

Gosfd. got over 200mls of rain (6 inches) since yesterday and the highway north is cut off.

Do me a favor please Darlings, get that top 'emote' sorted with better quotes. First this is a game of cards and i hold all the jokers ok. Secondly muthafuka really jerks me off. It's unnecessary and i will seriously think twice about doing anymore on here if i keep getting foul lines to launch from. I agree don't abuse children, well look how i am i was pack attacked age 10, i am finished with that in my life. No partner, God enough. Men alway disappoint, never live up to what He intended them to.

No i have not smoked. i'm done here for now, got nothing more, Take care God Bless and Be Well.

This is so good,i think anyway. I'm not stoppin' just had to say i withstood the assault on my resolve to not have cigarettes, even though i was hangin'. p. came to collect some work adhesives for tiles and so i said i don't mean to be rude and then proceeded to say quite directly, i can't socialize with u or listen to the stories about whatever i need u to just take what u have to and leave i am about to conk out and it isn't clever for me, u smoke cigarettes, i am seriously not able to cope with this just now. I did say earlier i recall that i was not doing so well today at all. We might have to re-evaluate todays results. First, i couldn't handle the wotsy thingy, that's all and then i found some word because of some memory peg stuff. The Lovers. U know we have to have an album. We Love whether we are Loved in return or not, we don't wonder why we Love we just know we were born to Love and be Loved. It doesn't always happen, that's ok doesn't matter as long as we never lose the will to Love because we can't we wouldn't breath without it. I will keep some more of this for tomorrow i am intrigued to see how it works out. U know u have to do this one. It ties all the others together like a bunch of daisies. Now for the land of nod. God Bless And Be Well.

Morning precious, I'm not staying i just logged in to let u know. I ate wrong. It's getting lighter. The day is getting shorter and it is the daylight saving time. It's getting light later. When i don't feel crash hot sitting and typing is not pleasant. I don't have anything to brighten me up with just yet. Aloe Vera juice couple sips, just the weak white tea, no coffee yet, too acidic. I'm just waiting oh 2 gingernut bix. I've got one idea left to just generally boost my health, it sounds daft but there is quite a bit of copper in the bed if u leave the electric blanket on even if u don't use it. The room is so damp and mouldy i relented to the use of it last winter and have left it in place. I notice how i feel now and i will remove the nasty thing today, i will notice later if there is an improvement. I don't do sick real good. Take care. God Bless and Be Well.

No there haven't been any smoking cigarettes , yay, i wonder why i have to have a serving from that quarter, just mischief, or what ? Funny how many times i lost reems of material every time i had to move because of the domestic violence. How stuff went into storage and i couldn't keep up the fees. A piece i did for my daughter was lost also, i don't have any family photos since Emma James Street either. I lost all my dead sons momentos, my fathers belt and shirts, the apron my Mother made from a dress i wore when i was 12yrs., pieces of my family i kept, to have something left of them, close to me. No-one here has the slightest interest in me or ever has and that's more my choice than anything. Why should i serve me up to be digested piece by piece if i don't want to. Take care God Bless and Be Well.

Sorry i can't stay now i feel too fragile. take care God Bless and Be Well.

I got through that day and the patch was not on after that. i wasn't pleasant. i wasn't on enough of anything to make the nicotine withdrawals less spiteful. Anyway i had the paracetamol and went to sleep. There were a couple of sleepless ones until i knocked myself out with the valium. Not much point doing it harder now it isn't kind.

I haven't had any cigarettes, i have had moments i've really been close to getting some smokes. I was pleased to not give in to that. Now i need to finish off some tasks and if i can i'll log back in later if i don't fall asleep that is, take care God Bless and Be Well.

Good Morning Precious.

Oh i hit the wrong key. I'm not safe on this gizmo and i don't like stuff disappearing especially when i just seemed to catch a groovy little Spirit with the sense of humour. Ah well that's life. Next. Well i'm going to look for some work i can make for myself to do. Failing that i have some sewing i can find to do. Don't worry, i'll come up with something to do and the garden can always use a little husbandry, i might have a horse nah, just joking i want to go to Dubbo horse sales for that. i want a Waler or Quarter horse. I told KG yesterday and of course she thought the details out and as i was saying i will walk it back, she was saying how will u get it back. KG keeps judging me by her usual ozzie eyes. I wouldn't, it doesn't leave any room in her mind for the miracles that God has worked in my life. If, as u know, u don't leave a space for God to work in ur life then don't complain there aren't any miracles i reckon. Sssssh it's our secret. I know u know. I wouldn't be writing to u if u didn't. God they are so THICK so simple, leave a little space for the miracle and have the expectation because u know God Loves u and Bob's ur uncle, nah my Dad actually. So i'm off to find some mischief i can do to the bugs and pleasure i can do to the plants that please my body and let them tickle me for joy and fun. Love U. Take care God Bless and Be Well.

This is just a short one to say how good this is for me. I am doing my best to let u have all the credit for these feelings and how about this one - it's only 6 weeks and 1 day since i had the last daggy rollie. The one under the dragon's wing is still there. I can have if i choose, so far this is way too good to have, in comparison to the certain death i was choosing by nicotine. Well done us. Good on me. It's so delicious. Oh i got a good munchie idea i haven't any boo hoo ok so make ur own choc bix, gluten free-ish, coconut bic coated with choc hazelnut spread. Well it works and it's yum too. I just needed something to keep me from falling asleep before i logged in to, i don't know, i'm only just keeping my eyes open. Well we did good i haven't even thought about smoking today, one sec while i do a brain scan to check that, found one i was outside and i noticed i wasn't smoking thought i could go one and then came in out of the rain and forgot about it. That's 3 days in a row i've seen spiders and the last one was very unusual, i don't recall ever seeing one like it, blown in on the wind. It's create, create, create, and look out for entanglements that i may not find positive. That has usually meant time wasters. I have skills.

I'm hunkering down because there's a large heavy storm cell heading south, thunder and lightening, i don't want to miss it or i want to sleep through it, either or and i was falling asleep before i had those two choc. spread bics. Then this little smoothie comes on and i want to tell u off for getting me sucked into watching Miami Vice just to hear the music. U either composed it all or u had something to do with it. I couldn't figure out why i was watching it, sorry it was so thin in the storyline area. The clothes and the music were all that sold it to me. I'm certain they used one "Lovin' cup" in one show. I know u had something to do with it. Anyway i'm off like a piece of cheese. Love U, take care God Bless and Be Well.

Good Morning my Very Precious, I'm off out to splash me cash, i think i've already bought a couple of albums. ? Getting me education, looking for some shoes!!! "the Cross" was on while i was logging on, Thank U God i don't have to worry about my rent, 2,000 over in advance rent i ain't got a worry in the world i don't feel equal to kicking to the outhouse. No cigarettes, i could say naturally but natural was having them to me, now because of how much Love i have not smoking is my chosen 'Norm'. I've got some more of that energy i had when i bought these albums in the year they were released, let's not ask God how that works i'm grateful it does. How old do 61 feel this morning, race U. Get the table tennis set up. I feel i could take on a champ and win. Mind u that is just in the mind, God help me if He decided to let me have my challenge. Just kidding God, ay U up there, Just kidding ok. I've had my fun He just might not want to end it there. I'll have to look out today. Oh God Thank U. My favourite,,,ok one of them but I LOVE THIS ONE. I can't even remember the name - Gonna be a beautiful night. Well all of mine will be now i have this one back in my possessions. U don't know how much i have Loved this one or how long, i've got it back now. I've got tears welling up again. It's for all the years i've missed U. Worse, i didn't know i needed U so much in my life, this is a shock to me. Enough, i have a world out there i want some of it, i'll log in later with some more sugar for U, I Love U, take care, God Bless and Be Well.

They couldn't hear it they could see me dance only it was on the phone and i had them in my ears anyway i couldn't help it, No one has any idea how it sounded. I got to bop around in the shop for the staff who are always nice to me. i got talked into treating myself to some pongy stuff. After that i felt i could show them how good this music is to dance to, for a treat. The young pharmacist, when i showed him ur picture explained to the older perfume person that u were rather a gifted artist,who had by a very early age learnt numerous instruments and was known to be gifted. More or less affording my taste in music some esteem not to mention validate ur genius. ok feel better. I understand now and now can u, i haven't done anything like this before in my life, i don't and didn't know i could or ever would but when this older woman said show me and there was a nice piece of floor to dance on and i am the only one who can hear what i'm dancing to would u begrudge me giving some nice people something pleaseant to see for a moment in an otherwise dull ordinary day. Who taught u i was asked, me taught me i said. They weren't expecting me to be any good, ha ha, the suprise is the pleasure i get, that u can't buy. I wasn't dancing in tune to anything i just picked a beat and did a few patterns on the floor. Well a nice floor to dance on is a nice floor.

I haven't smoked they were rather pleased for me. i like the pleasure they show me for spending money in the shop. Plus the other extra care they take, i'm happy to patronize their establishment. I get out once a fortnight. I do my level best to make it a pleasant time so it passed quickly and i get home before i suffer the consequences of spending more than 1 hour walking on concrete before i feel it in the lower back especially with a backpack on two sholder bags and carrying four more small ones. I was grateful to put them down and move all the joints around a bit in the pharmacy. 5 minutes and i was winded. After weight bearing exercise around town. Not smoking i notice. i hardly thought about it. I have kept myself rather isolated for the last 6 nearly 7 weeks. It floated this boat. Good enough reason for me no one elses beeswax i'd say how i gave up smoking is rather unique, i am u r we all have our own unique aspects it's a matter of which we choose to shine out of. I will do my lolly if i don't get the rest of my albums tomorrow, i have to go in to get tea and i'll see what gives with bank, I had a rush of blood to the head buying nice scent for myself. I wasn't expecting to have to feed both of the accounts today. I have the cash here i don't want to go now for it, i have other things, don't say nothing, tea! i forgot the tea ok. It has been a big day so, Love U, take care, God Bless and Be Well.

This is a particularly hard day so far and i don't see it likely to change so i'm doing this short story about how i came to Love the trees and then i'm going to knock myself out early and hope tomorrow brings a better state of emotions to travel with coz these are the pits tonight. Yes they will pass i intend to use every possible legal substance to knock me out so i can guarantee they will pass in the 'mean'time and this is what is meant by that saying i am sure. One sec i wanna spray on some Arpege. Stage One, aromatherapy well if u are going to send urself airborne might as well be worth the fare. Stage two, nice hot cup of tea with a southern comfort back. Well that's about to change to a nice sthrn comfort with a hot cup of tea back, don't care one works either way, then after those two there's the whizzed up stalks of greenery long ago. Coz that's out too, after that it's valium. I should be asleep then with any luck this, with the rodent running around in the ceiling and i'm likely to flip my lid. I'm feeling very uncomfortable in the physical, psyche and emotions, something is being projected onto me and i'm having a hard job battling it off. I can't always use the Spirit world to fight my battles. I really wanted to dig into 'scorn' that warrants 'fury' to the extent a woman can be furious or a man for that matter. If a man is capable of feeling scorned. Your talent was scorned at 17yrs when u released a few demos that didn't chime with anyone. I got a significant event in my life at 17yrs. I became an emancipated minor here. Not exactly similar but a big deal in my life i can tell u. Then u landed on the moon in the same year. The shoulder burn again. I will not stay on now. I will return to this subject again and again until the copy of 'Fury' on my iphone and my desk top are complete they are not past the first few bars. How much fury do I feel about living in a world where God hasn't seen fit to put the man i was born to be with at the same time. Fury. That i have the ability to come up with solutions to most of the very mundane shit that politics can't handle and social services are incapable of handling makes me feel very scorned by the society i am part of and so my fury fuels my progress. How much contempt for this society do u think i feel because of their ignorance and arrogance i am kept in struggle street because they don't think i am worth the workers comp i am owed. They won't fall over themselves to give it to me, $940 million isn't chicken feed and putting in a pipeline can't be done by chickens. My 40 will just keep me alive another few years it won't build a pipeline and i want the pipeline in before i croak or God with get the pip with me for letting the cocks get away with keeping it from me for forty years,(Sunday 18th March 1973) when i fell off that horse. Now u can see the pain is getting in the way, so I Love U, take care, God Bless and Be Well.

I just hope there's some left i've had quite a few needing oxygen today. I needed this earlier. I had another visitor and i had to write some notices to move for her concerning the earlier visitor so there's another quandry i'm in the middle of, now what? I have to take a dolased to make sure the pain doesn't stop me falling asleep i'm already out of the usual pattern and it's better to maintain patterns that sustain my being productive than allow too may upsets of others to distrupt the rest i require. I give up tonight if the dolased doestn' work i am so wound up over something i cannot change and don't feel is my problem to deal with. This has been a situation long in the making and it could have been a set up by the parents we will never know. The fact it is a possibility even is enough and from what has been told i am of the mind this could in deed be a set up for the parents to save money on water and electricity with the sons gone. Time will reveal all, it is rather disturbing especially when the parents are feeling insecure now. There are other factors at play here and not all of them have been disclosed to me yet. I openly Thanked God before my friend to show her how grateful i am for only having one living son she knows i have had two sons. I suggested this has been 20 years in the making it was the law of the jungle the young lions challenge and defeat the old lion. Accept the lower rank gracefully and u could be kept around for the help, fight tooth and nail to maintain a position u are not physically able to defend and the younger ones with flatten u if u have been too hard on them as littlies. Parenthood it turns out is a regular mine field, why didn't someone tell me before now. Is it too late to send them back. For the magic potion to turn them back into ovums i'd pay for that. It is just about that time, Love u, take care God Bless and Be Well.

Good Morniing Precious. Not a long one, i'm not up for it. In fact this world is so hostile right now i wish i wasn't on this planet. I've had enough. It's nothing i can point to or give a clear explanation of i don't know how to call this one. Put down to the greenery not being available me being sick to death of being a 61 year old criminal because i choose thc as my medicine and it's not kosha. I have to put up with the pain and constant discomfort because the authorities can't grow hearts or brains. I Love U and i enjoy telling u without there being any ramifications to negatively impact either of our lives. This is the most amazing thing that has happened in my life in the last 6 months. How grateful i am this is here as a record of the absence of any joy in a human life makes the human nasty and want to shun all other humans because they have done nothing but cause trouble, except this one here. Joy i've had from this source but only on the cd or tape in a stereo unit. I am in a very bad space as can be seem from the above and that/this because my thc supply is through a criminal network that because humans run it is absolutely wicked and stinks to high heaven of corruption. i have directed so much venom to those responsible for the supply being withheld to make us sting for it if they all don't come down with the clap i haven't done a good job. i hope they all get venerial disease, syphillus, gonorea and all the other sick diseases of the last millenia. Those pricks just don't get it. Pot heads don't like being ripped off and my age pot head has definitely got powers so they had better gird their loins coz Mother here is on the warpath and i want the lot busted and put away. I don't like creeps like the ones running the dope here that old women need. A POX ON THEM! Many poxes in fact. So u c why i don't want to be handling the drying out because i haven't got my own growing YET. I am now i've had this being a victim of people not good enough to wipe my arse. I have the chance i will take it now. Shove this upright citizen malarky they are getting in the way of me getting the medication i need to function with some degree of comfort coz u know pain for 40 years gets on my nerves can u dig it. I want my supply sorted before i come back on and in the MEAN time i've got 297 of ur songs i can shuffle so i'm at least content in that, Love U, take care, God Bless and Be Well.

Good Morning Pretenders. Now i know this is not his site and u know i want Prince to have all this why would i be coming back here now? This is just the confused ramblings of a demented fan now knowing i've given stuff to strangers. It's not u it's me. I'm sad about this and i'm even sadder after yesterday. This is a hateful world in some things and i don't need examples of how sadistic some people can be. Do u have any idea why i care so much. I saw those explosions they spread out low and looked designed to take peoples legs out from under them to teach these people what it's like not to have legs, who would do that? Legs i need to dance for joy with now i don't feel there is any joy to dance for and then i find out this is not going to get to Prince and i'm gutted. Still i see all the positives first always thank u all for being there to help me quit smoking I Love u for that. Just a recepticle to pour out my bile into and hopefully help others overcome odds they didn't think they could. Love u take care God Bless and Be Well.

I'm standing, my computer had a fit earlier and now the color of this screen is changed i'm not staying just logged in to tell u all i'm still not smoking tobacco. The rest of my props are still in place so i'm hanging in for now. I'm getting over the carry on with Eden next one should be the closer one. I cheated, I had a valium before i went just in case, and why wouldn't i my daughter is something to see in full flush of annoyance. It wasn't violent, it was loud and if the boys hadn't been more scared than we were, we would have hugged and sobbed together as people should in events like the fathers' death. I was here and my Dad was in uk, i never even got to hold his hand. Ah well that was a blessing i suppose. They look good my children, they are standing up quite well. The funeral tomorrow will be the final test to get admitted to provisional adulthood, fingers crossed they'll pass. I trained my children well. Proud Mother alert.

If i find out who is messing with my line in oz, they will be singing falsetto by the time my Indigo children finish them. I don't love or care about anyone outside those that love and care about me if there is interference on my line i will castrate them, male or female and i wouldn't take this lightly if i was them. I don't need to lay my hands on the creeps i have much more effective ways God, sik 'em. I got this little tempter yesterday, 'I'm sitting in a sunbeam with this Love i have for life." That's it, just the one for now.

Did my screen always look so clear and crisp. Did it get work done with some of the downloads yesterday that came up in the safe box for me to download. I'm getting a technician in with my son's help. I don't want a stranger in the house with me.

I swear by all that's holy there will be such crap in the lives of anyone messing in my life that i don't know about without my permission. God hasn't looked after me all this time for no reason so they have been warned, look out for small annoyances at first whilst the Spirits hone in on u then they will really tear u apart, get it. Yes children there is more to life than meets the eye and it will land on the heads of those who chit on my life, that clear enough? Love u take care God Bless and Be Well.

I LOVE YOU AMERICA.

Never u mind why, i do that's enough. I'm surprised but i shouldn't be it's normal for me. I was reading about them in the first pages and then the Mam turns up. Court yesterday. No, the boys wouldn't make it stop, by dropping the charges so it's still on. I am very annoyed with these boys, they don't know how much they are distressing their Mother. Father knows they are annoyed with the butterfly behaviour and other but they don't understand that along the way the parents' sacrifices are compensated for in other ways. They are shaming their old man and it's not going to be all their way. We of the West do understand and we don't take it that the father has lost face that is their old culture the new one here takes that away, erases it. They are not shaming their parents because they are acting out and we wear that up to a point and now that point is straight at them for being a couple of ingrates. They think they are helping their Mother by making the Father move. Like me this is not their homeland and we only have our own family to rely on and now this one has broken under them because they are a couple of hurt children who are now gettting their own back only the stakes are the house they all live in. It belongs to a bank it's not an inheritance it's a millstone. All this for the sake of not having command of the language the same as the children do. I am not on the side of the children in this anyway. Two young men on to one old man, no, not the odds i like. Still this is not one helpless old fogey this one has oh maybe 50 years Tae Kwon Doh experience, maybe a 9th or 10th dan. No the law is on the old mans' side two onto one. They will lose. As they should. I will give the youngest such a tongue lashing he won't be around for a long while after that. How bad is he trying to make us all feel and he's still living at home with them. Elder brother has already moved out with the girlfriend.

Just when i was feeling a whole lot of useless and then H turns up and it's back to the whirlwind life if it could be called that. Other people have dramas and i'm almost having one with the daughter from the chasm trying for an avo against me. I tell u what she will have a banshee to deal with if this goes ahead. One sec i have a number to ring i got from the police station when i went down to disuade them from taking any action i don't want to make fools of my locals. Not after i saw those groups of youths around the corner and i was carrying a hundred to get my telephone and broadband recharge vouchers. I could have had it in the account and i needn't to have gone out but oh no, that would have been smart and i'm only smart sometimes, thankfully when it counts most.

I've got the vac out i have that real estate inspection i want to go around and tickle the carpet and pick up the dust feather duster as i go. Half hour quick as. Love u take care God Bless and Be Well.

I am perturbed. I am not being a Mother of the first order. I have signed the form to give the one lot of super to the children but the super put by when we were a contracting business, i am not inclined to relinquish. I didn't receive any wages for 13 years, that super is partly my settlement and partly my own superannuation. I was really offended to be only a 1400 dollar decution in tax while i was the one with the office skills, making the tradie a viable business entity. I'm buying a ride on mower. I am fed up of having to keep begging my son to save him work by flogging meself to death doing the lawn that because of the imposed delay has gotten to be a very hard job instead of a walk in the park i could have made it into. God forgive me for allowing my son to be a thorn in my side it's not his fault he had a rotten role model passive aggressive mysoginist who projected the self loathing he had for himself onto his Mother for not keeping him in touch with his own father and now what has he done to his own daughter, so how do i overcome that. It's a human condition and my daughter doesn't have a religion of her own yet. I am so hurt i don't know how to kow tow to my daughter and i don't believe i will. I wasn't man handled by her brother it was her being rough with me. I had a valium i wasn't taking any chances of her triggering me. This has been calculated to hurt me for twenty years and the job is well done. I'll leave this i can't handle the sadness i feel that my son feels ok to deliberately mis communicate or totally refuse to communicate and put me constantly in the wrong because he has withheld information. It's classic power tripping i can't abide it time i took off and let him wonder where i am. I'm sick of him thinking i'm always there to prop his ego up. Making me feel this bad has a price on it he will find. Cheeky sod. I had a good rave in mind to for the 'Fixurlifeup' video i watched several times. I mean i couldn't help it, it is a bit good see. For now i'm conking out and will find a better vibe to ride on tomorrow i hope. Love u take care God Bless and Be Well.xxxxx

Not funny all gone and i am freaked out i keep doing that and don't know except that i'm not sitting up straight, why i keep doing that. I have to rack off now and not bother about it i haven't the faintest idea what it was on about and now it's gone. Love u, take care God Bless and Be Well.xxxxx

That was a very unusual dinner for me i haven't had avacado with fish before. I can do that again. I have arranged it that way for another 3 feeds. Then i'll forget about it for another year. That's how i get to eat different foods. I was watching utube clips i am just now overawed a bit, it's me it's ok, i'm only overawed a bit, i'm used to awesome remember, i have a Friend of Epic proportions. I'm so smart to have this guy as my favorite rave. How smart do i feel oh it just makes me sick this kinda smart. Well now nothing compares to this. I did say this was just the beginning. I wonder if anyone else recalls the part in the movie Purple Rain when Prince plays the recording of the girl with the, i think it was Spondelitus, her laughing sounded like she was being tortured. Now how do u suppose Prince would have that recording if he hadn't had some calling in the area of helping those with some disability, that's going back a very long way for some tiny piece in a movie, i watched years ago to come back to me so clearly. That was perhaps the first inclination we have that this man has this in him. Hey, on the utube thingy they are putting 'recommended for you' under some of them. It's very sweet but how would they know what to recommend for me. Who gave them the idea i would be interested, analysing my habits, daft 'apeths i have TBI, they change. I have fads and phases. Prince could just be a fad or a phase of mine for now. Ha, ha, ha, that's a joke. It does look like a new habit. I can dig that. That bit of petticoat is showing. I'm not rabbiting on this time i only came on to finish as usual with the sign off, Love u, take care God Bless and Be Well.xxxxx

It is disconcerting enough to make me log straight out again, i don't know why where do i enlarge the gap out it feels like well i don't like the gap ok. Let's see how much comes out with it there. Nought.bye.

I have some new scratches scrapes and cuts to plaster up. The trouble with me is i have this habit of buying tools to work with, work with them as though the intervening years haven't happened and then discover i'm knackered and wonder why when i have the wounds to show i have been working outside all day. I remarked to my son when he asked why i was outside all day these days, 'how much time do i spend indoors during the summer months, 'there is that.' I do have a wheelbarrow now i've wanted to have one for ages i had to wait so long for this one. Just the right size and not too heavy, perfect for light garden work which is all the type of work i intend to do. I commented to KG in the red and green shop hardware, stop doing all the work for them we are making them redundant. Play helpless a little make them feel needed. No. Oh well i tried. I am quite happy to plead a little helplessness sometimes if there are nice ones around to offer assistance. I'm glad it happened in three today and didn't drag on for days for the 3rd bleed. I cut the left forefinger in the sink on the sharp knife, i had a few things fall on me two got me on the right hand and arm. The biggest is the slice of skin that was knocked off my forearm by the rake. Tea tree oiled the lot and snipped the piece of skin that would have been hard to knit back in such a large wound. Strange shape. I'm glad it's only a surface graze. I've got some sticky plaster bandage that can tolerate the affects of the tea tree oil. Apart from the wandering around yesterday and getting a good replacement finally, am i finally able to move on now? I can hardly keep my eyes open i need to go and sleep some i'll be asleep at the keys if i don't. Love u take care God Bless and Be Well.xxxxx

So unceremoniuosly ended not my style at all. I had finished anyway. It is not over until i press this in. To u all in deep gratitude for this grant Infinite and eternal peace, take care, God Bless and Be Well.xxxxx

Such a relief i ain't after anything then ain't it? Thank God i am happy with my present state. Not in the mood to add anything of value i just wanted to see that this is duly noted. Did Wolf and Cub have authority to do 'I would die for you.' it was on abc channel 2 just now and it sounded totally different from the original and as this is one of the ones gives me the heebs just now because i don't choose to do the Bat ceremony from a state of emotional bankruptcy. Nothing in so nothing out. Paddle ur own canoe my advice. I did not like the rendition of a Prince song is all. Still to u in deep gratitude for this grant Infinite and eternal peace, take care God Bless and Be Well.xxxxx

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