16.
This Is The song They Were Playing

It's a sweet sweet thing
When my baby bring
His love to me,his love to me

We talk all night
To get it right
In harmony,with symmetry

REF:He's brigt in the darkness
Dark in the sun
Hard and fragile,he's the one

Got to find a way
Make my baby stay
Here with me here with me

Cause in the morning light
Hes' a lovely sight
With symmetry in harmony

REF;

17.
This Is Julian and Me Waiting

We stand on the rustic footbridge
Between the Carnival and the parking lot.
Our elbows rest on the railing behind us.

Faces pass,cooler now,familiar
Some still dancing,arms around each other
Clomping across the bouncing,bowing footbridge.

Jason is gone
Like pigment dropped in paint
He is mixed among them.
Stirred to nothing,become part of everything.
I did not see him pass us by--
I'm not sure I would have known him
Perhaps now he had another man's face
Or another man's body.

"It was so sudden,"I say to Jason and myself.
"I just hope he's careful."
But what I really mean is...
I wonder what he's doing,this stranger,
Brave sailor exploring the shores of strange lands
Tasting the sweet and salt of foreign waters.

We stand at the shore
Watching the waves,the flowing of the tide.
The great round moon above,guiding it all.
I glance at Julian,still beautiful,who smiles.
And I wonder what would it take
For an especially high tide
To sweep him away,smiling and still beautiful?

He turns around,leaves the watch to me.
He is looking over the dry creek bed
And the dark trees behind.
I do not see Jason, and all the revellers are gone.
We are standing nearly alone
Music stopped and lights failing slowly.
One by one,darkness descending
He cocks his head,looks at the trees.
"Did you hear something?"

18.
This Is Just Julian and Me

I turn out the light and stumble across the room
Ramon's extra room
Of boxes and unused furniture
To the bed.
The sheets are cold except were
Julian has already warmed them.

In the dark I am still spinning with lights and music
Still burning for freedom, burning.
I feel the breath ebb and flow from Julian
And after a moment of perfect peace,
Flow slowly back in.
The moon, spinning and burning above
Through Ramon's dusty window
Throws a shadow grid across the bed.

It dawns on me how Julian has changed in a year
Grown as gradual and determined as a tree.
Giving and graceful as a fern
His body stretched beside mine
Is as seductive as a stranger's.
He moves beneath me,
Stretching,uncoiling against me.

The moon,risen past the window,
Disappears and the room slips into darkness.

19.
This Is Julian Sleeping

Mist is still rising from the wild side of Ramon's house.
Where redwoods and ferns,primordial foliage
Prepare to take on another day.

What Miracle is this,I wonder,
Julian still asleep beside me.
For I know,with a dreamer's certainty
That somewhere in the silence of the night
My breath and blood were restored to me.
With no explanation for their loss or return.
We are left by the act,
By the thousands of actions that compose the act
Fresh and eager again.

What miracle is this ,I wonder
As Julian stirs beside me
It must be a secret miracle,I know.
For an analysis of miracles reconstructs them,
And I would not change mine for my life.

20.
Ramon Took This One

Jason is eating English muffins with Ramon
Sitting on the windowseat overlooking the sunny garden.
"Here come the lovebirds,"Jason greets us.
We join them on chairs and share the berry preserves
Ramon's mother made for him.
Awkward,for Julian holds my hand under the table.

Ramon refuses to be photographed
An atypical vanity but,
Considering his narrowness of face,
And his lesions,understandable.
So he took our picture.
It is as peaceful a scene as any I have known:
The three of us,tousled,muffins and preserves
Fresh and eager sunlight lifting texture from
The checkered tablecloth and rough wood panelling..,
Casting our faces in light and shadow.
We are a still life,a bowl of fresh ripe fruit.

Julian is looking at me,moving hair from my eyes.
It is such a tender jesture,
But I did not even notice it at the time.

I regret now,with a burning sadness
Ramon was not in the picture.
I wish I could have persuaded him.
I wish a lot of things,
But I wish with an old man's heart
That he was in the picture.

I touch with my finger the place at the table
Where Ramon had been sitting.

21.
This Is Ramon on the Stairs

Later we leave him
Standing on the stairs leading down to his house.
Waving,in his bathrobe,surrounded by ferns.

"Good-bye" I whisper,holding him.
His body is bony and hard as a bird's
And he is shaking in my arms.
"Good-bye" he whispers back.
Then ,as if it had just occured to me
I say,again ,"Good-bye."
He only nods,his chin strokes my neck.
I kiss him and he looks away.

There he is:
Standing on the stairs leading down to his liitle house
Waving,in his blue terry robe,surrounded by ferns.

tony23k said:

that will be interesting to hear...

22.
Here We Are at a Winery

On the way back to the City,we stop at a winery
A stop we planned on the way up
As we passed through miles of neatly ordered grapes
Before we had spent any time among the wild redwoods.

We take the little tour
The "tour" we need to take to get the free wine.
Our guide is a chipper young man who would have been
A mascot for his highschool cheer squad
Just a year or two ago.
He led us, and two dozen more,through the
Neat and clean gardens,down into the cellars
Where the huge vats are lined up like bloated insects.
He ignores us,the three of us,completely.
Though it is clear he is one of us.

A newlywed couple is on the tour,
And the woman keeps staring at us.
Absently,I set my hand on Julian's shoulder
As I lean forward to see the historic stills
I fail to remove it promptly
So she nudges her man and they giggle together.
All crooked teeth and acne.
She is already pregnant,
Chockful of another teabagging voter.

Jason buys a bottle of wine
And Julian buys me a redwood refrigerator magnet,
That one,there.


Poor Monte...had a new dent in the right front fender.

obsessed said:

post 21,line nine...
you know what/how I feel about edits.

23.
Here We Are Back in the City

We drag our bags back up Jason's stairs,
And collapse into individual heaps
In his living room ,exhausted.

I lean against his dusty and paint spotted window
And I hear the murmur of wind through venetian blinds.
Below me,street and sidewalk
A spinkly tree at the corner is struggling
Up off the greasy pavement.
Where would Ramon be now?I wondered.
For the first of many times.
Surrounded by ferns?

Up until three years ago,
No one I had ever known had died.
Now it seems someone is always dying.

After naps,we eat at Panda Palace
And see an Almodovar film.
Later we visit a pub Jason recommends.
We sit in a leather booth
Surrounded by oiled wood and ferns.
Men in three piece suits,stylish ties artfully loosened,
Drink expensive little drinks at the bar.

24.
This Is Julian and Me Back at the Airport

We are laughing in the picture,
The two of us leaned up against the Monte.
Which I have intentionally parked so that
The driver's side is against the oleanders.

We are laughing because we are tickling each other
And because we are happy,I guess.
Dancing together to the rythym of our own laughter.


I knew I would never see Ramon again.
Knew the phone would ring some day.
But I could still dance with Julian,
Against the car,against the world.
Against the dawn of death...
A brief dance with Julian.



Against the silence sure to come.

I'm very sorry about your friend Ramon and the homophobic
incidents you and your friends experienced. I certainly
hope the latter isn't something you have to deal with often.

Again, excellent, descriptive writing...thanks for sharing
your experience.

tony23k said:

I'm aware of how you feel about edits... lol

obsessed said:

I think we're lucky to have certain people in our live's.Ramon was definitely one in my life.
The homophobia is mostly felt while traveling.

The world is changing,but it's not there yet.

Thank you for your comments.

The ones screaming the loudest,usually have something to share.

Are you trying to tell us something more?

obsessed said:

BIOLOGICAL EXUBERANCE

When ever,
How ever
Where ever
Expose it.
Or it'll
never
get better.

very nice Tony, how have you been? It has been a while...orgnote

missmad said:

Thanks, M!
Got it.

tony23k said: