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My poem "Wintershaped" Here is the lyrics:
"Wintershaped" Winter spreads her arms around my heart She came fast and tore it apart Her breath was cold, her sight was freezing You can never win without leaving I don't believe you at all I've lost my only hope You've disconnected from me I don't believe you at all That starlight which led me on a lonely night Is useless now because my soul is blind Everything has been lost under snow Something scary I just don't want to know I don't believe you at all I've lost my only hope You've disconnected from me I don't believe you at all How can I believe in you when I don't believe in myself? Because my english grammar is not that good, I need you to help me correct some grammar mistakes (I'm not sure about the past tenses). Thanks in advance 
Edited. I think it looks good as it is now. Thanks to EmbattledWarrior for his help [Edited 1/6/10 8:47am] | |
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it's beautiful!! I like it as is  | |
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BklynBabe said: it's beautiful!! I like it as is
Oh, thank you  So, there are no mistakes? | |
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zaza said: BklynBabe said: it's beautiful!! I like it as is
Oh, thank you So, there are no mistakes?it's perfect (even if it wasn't, it's poetry so it's allowed to have errors LOL) | |
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BklynBabe said: zaza said: Oh, thank you So, there are no mistakes?it's perfect (even if it wasn't, it's poetry so it's allowed to have errors LOL)  You're right  | |
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zaza said: Here is the lyrics:
"Wintershaped" Winter spread her arms around my heart She came fast and tore it apart Her breath was cold, her sight was freezing You can never win without leaving I don't believe you at all I've lost my only hope You've disconnected from me I don't believe you at all A star light which leads me at the lonely night It's useless now because my soul is blind Everything has been lost under snow Something scary I just don't want to know I don't believe you at all I've lost my only hope You've disconnected from me I don't believe you at all How can I believe in you when I don't believe in myself? Because my english grammar is not that good, I need you to help me correct some grammar mistakes (I'm not sure about the past tenses). Thanks in advance Its not that grammatically bad, Should be "Winter spreads her arms around me" The first two lines are kinda awkward of the 2nd verse Perhaps you should try "That starlight which led me on a lonely night is useless now because my soul is blind" that might work a little better Other than that. wonderful job, love the phrases. Great imagery I am a Rail Road, Track Abandoned
With the Sunset forgetting, i ever Happened http://www.myspace.com/stolenmorning | |
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EmbattledWarrior said: zaza said: Here is the lyrics:
"Wintershaped" Winter spread her arms around my heart She came fast and tore it apart Her breath was cold, her sight was freezing You can never win without leaving I don't believe you at all I've lost my only hope You've disconnected from me I don't believe you at all A star light which leads me at the lonely night It's useless now because my soul is blind Everything has been lost under snow Something scary I just don't want to know I don't believe you at all I've lost my only hope You've disconnected from me I don't believe you at all How can I believe in you when I don't believe in myself? Because my english grammar is not that good, I need you to help me correct some grammar mistakes (I'm not sure about the past tenses). Thanks in advance Its not that grammatically bad, Should be "Winter spreads her arms around me" The first two lines are kinda awkward of the 2nd verse Perhaps you should try "That starlight which led me on a lonely night is useless now because my soul is blind" that might work a little better Other than that. wonderful job, love the phrases. Great imagery Ok, thanks I'll see what I can do. | |
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I like it.
I think this poem is about me  | |
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TheVoid said: I like it.
I think this poem is about me No, it's not about you I wrote it two years ago when I was still in love with my ex-girlfriend.
Which is quite strange..I was in love but deep inside I had these dark lyrics  [Edited 1/6/10 9:38am] | |
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It's beautiful.
I'm almost certain it's about me. | |
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TheVoid said: It's beautiful.
I'm almost certain it's about me. Ok, I have to admit - it's about you, Dan. I wrote it 2 years ago because deep in my heart I knew that I'll meet you on this site in the future  | |
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Very nice zaza.  | |
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Elle85n09 said: Very nice zaza.
Thank you | |
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It's beautiful Zaza | |
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I like it! 
Rhythm floods my heart♥The melody it feeds my soul | |
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Mautina said: It's beautiful Zaza
Thanks, Mautina | |
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veronikka said: I like it!
Thank you | |
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I love it.  ACRYLIC
I do nothing professionally. I only do things for fun. johnart: Acrylic's old bras is where tits of all sizes go to frolic after they die. Tit Heaven. | |
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Acrylic said: I love it.
And I love YOU. | |
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zaza said: Acrylic said: I love it.
And I love YOU.  ACRYLIC
I do nothing professionally. I only do things for fun. johnart: Acrylic's old bras is where tits of all sizes go to frolic after they die. Tit Heaven. | |
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Acrylic said: zaza said: And I love YOU.    | |
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