These were some of the many poems that I presented in my first exhibit in September-October, 2000. I was a regular at David's Coffeehouse in Hillcrest (San Diego), and the new owner (who took it over the previous year) offered me the chance to have my poetry exhibited just like the visual art that was exhibited there - a new artist each month. (Props to David Rae, because without him, my experience as a writer wouldn't be the same.)

Always Wondering

Always wondering
Waiting for the answer
In a cold place
Wondering why

Is he still alive
Or was he buried in the snow?
Has he been erased
Or has oblivion run away as well?

If he saw me
Walking down the street
Would he hug me
Or bash me?

What would I do
If he ever crossed my path
Would I hurt him
Or forgive him?

Will I ever find the answers I need?

(This was me wondering about my first partner...)

Good Enough

Good enough
To watch it break down
Good enough
To build it up again?

Improved enough
To see myself as is
Improved enough
To go for the top?

Smart enough
To know when NOT to speak
Smart enough
To speak my deepest desire?

Desirable enough
To get the lifeguard
Desirable enough
To go for the brass ring?

Fine enough
To help a person in trouble
Fine enough
To ask for a strong shoulder?

(This was my questioning of my self-worth and improvement since leaving my first partner.)

A Strange Magic (Love's Concern)

A strange magic
Capturing electric
Spine-tingling
Sensitive trick

Old and new
Combining powerfully
Awe-inspiring
Timing wonderfully

Love of life
Being realized
Spell-bound
Again mesmerized

Drifting so high
Joyous reverie
Earth shattering
Sensuous mystery

Playing with fire
Passionate burn
Ever-beautiful
Love's concern

(Written about love in general, and is the first in a seven-part suite.)

Out There (Way Out!)

In complete abandon
Have been left my thoughts
In search of the perfect daydream
Out there (way out!)
Beyond normal reaches of the truth
In appraisal of self, it would seem

To infinite surrender
Derelict in my conformity
Decided many ideas, long ago
Forsaking all others
In my search of perfection
Phallicism or maidenhood (do you know?)

Profound or cockeyed
The line that was never drawn
Ambiguity knows me "two" well
Tabled is the concept of choice
yet in the stench of apathy lies my hell

Half-inclined to ambition...

(About my inclination towards indecision...)

(Running From) Chasing Destruction

Everybody's got a gun
Aimed at the sky
Frightened by peaceful dreams
Millions gone in a split second
With freedom as a chaser
(Running from) chasing destruction
The power inside the ziploc
Temporary doctor
Take two lines and call me in the morning
Or else I might not be in pocket
Warping clear zoom lens
If six were nine
Then I wouldn't have given a fuck
Because I could never get off
To a decent start in the first place
Oozing forth before climax
I wasn't in my true spirit
So please forgive me and forget that "me"
That you never caused
By version, circumstance or gravity

(About my struggle to stay clean, and relating to other's stories of the same.)

Here's another installation:

she

the one thing that kept me in one piece was not denying myself
a deeper basis this is above anything else from which to live
she kept me from tearing myself apart no matter what
to my surprise the fear of falling down wasn't what I'd suspected
as if never once there, sticking like glue she stayed with me
grateful that I held it together and remained unharmed, unscathed
I woke up to find myself in my life and thanked god above

(Who is she? She only exists figuratively)

piano

just like a child
you appear to be plinking
the keys of life
in both major and minor

experimentation
seems to be all the rage
(at least it looks that way)

what are you going to do now?

wither away into acceptance
or shut out the fire of life?

spoiling yourself
with a wasted lifetime
won't help your cause at all
the child keeps hitting
all those sour notes

(The metaphor here is to a cartoon, where the character hits the wrong note and blows himself up.)

The Fire Made Clean

Desire -
The one for me
The one I want
One in the same?
Hopefully!

Heart -
Made to be seen
Made to be mine
Realistic comparison?
Certainly!

Timing -
Clear to go forward
Clear to be allowed
Possible to hope?
Easily?

Fire -
That grows stronger still
That gives in both
Can I really have it?
Yes!

(Written about two men I was interested in, who sat on either side of me during choir rehearsal, in question of who I would choose...)

Stillness

I see the winter
In precious stillness
As I travel through this purity
Graced by God
I feel the echo of love

Into good company
I was surely placed
Emotional yet subdued
Toward greater motion of expression
I hear the dreamer calling me

By waves of majesty
Your stillness enthralls me
This winter trip to the country
Was a good fix
I will continue

(Written while taking a trip to Julian, CA, and answers the question posed in the verse above it.)

More and More

More and more
I am touching
My heart of hearts

With great joy
Blessings I realize
Much more in store

To the deepest significance
I gladly fall
Into the very core

A happily maddening business
This is becoming
More and more

(Written in my first year of being involved with MCC-San Diego.)

All verse ©1994-1999, 2009 Eric Franklin Crow