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Thread started 08/11/08 5:56am

eaglebear4839

I Say You Are, I Say I Am

I Say You Are, I Say I Am
by Eagle Bear

If I am
Whatever I say you are
Then my sorrow
Would be from looking
Only on either side
Of the crack in the mirror

If you are
Whatever I say I am
Then my angst
Would be from hearing
Only from one ear

If we are
Whatever we say of each other
Then our contempt
Would be only in recognizing it as true...

©2008 Eagle Bear
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Reply #1 posted 08/16/08 7:25pm

tony23k

avatar

eaglebear4839 said:

I Say You Are, I Say I Am
by Eagle Bear

If I am
Whatever I say you are
Then my sorrow
Would be from looking
Only on either side
Of the crack in the mirror

If you are
Whatever I say I am
Then my angst
Would be from hearing
Only from one ear

If we are
Whatever we say of each other
Then our contempt
Would be only in recognizing it as true
...

©2008 Eagle Bear

Nice one eaglebear,it has a cool "slam" feel to it.
my phone is heavy
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Reply #2 posted 08/17/08 9:27am

eaglebear4839

if you think this is slam, wait til you see the one I wrote called "Hey Thug Azz". thanks for writing. check out "36 Cents", too. I'm such an "elektrofiliak".

tony23k said:

eaglebear4839 said:

I Say You Are, I Say I Am
by Eagle Bear

If I am
Whatever I say you are
Then my sorrow
Would be from looking
Only on either side
Of the crack in the mirror

If you are
Whatever I say I am
Then my angst
Would be from hearing
Only from one ear

If we are
Whatever we say of each other
Then our contempt
Would be only in recognizing it as true
...

©2008 Eagle Bear

Nice one eaglebear,it has a cool "slam" feel to it.
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Reply #3 posted 08/18/08 2:48pm

tony23k

avatar

eaglebear4839 said:

if you think this is slam, wait til you see the one I wrote called "Hey Thug Azz". thanks for writing. check out "36 Cents", too. I'm such an "elektrofiliak"
I do.
Is it from an activist point of view?
that's how i hear it.
I especially like the bolded part.






:::looking up "elektrofiliak"::: lol
my phone is heavy
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Reply #4 posted 08/21/08 3:33am

eaglebear4839

I intended it to be reflective in nature. But the one thing I'm always glad for is when others tell me their interpretation, because that's what I hope my writing does, in part.

And I can't tell you what an "elektrofilak" is just yet, but I will give you a hint - they thrive on a brew called "Club Scrub".
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Reply #5 posted 08/21/08 4:19am

eaglebear4839

I Say I Am, I Say You Are:

here's pt. 2:

I want altruism from you
If I can give to you
What you would give to me

If I give you too much
Then I will make you hate me
Yet I only want your approval
If I value you

I realize sometimes
That the last thing you want to hear
From me is reality
Yet, I will not the be
The end that justifies your means

It takes one to know one
It's one take to one know
Generalization is my pusher
And conclusion's jump my needle...
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Reply #6 posted 08/29/08 11:00pm

tony23k

avatar

eaglebear4839 said:

I Say I Am, I Say You Are:

here's pt. 2:

I want altruism from you
If I can give to you
What you would give to me

If I give you too much
Then I will make you hate me
Yet I only want your approval
If I value you

I realize sometimes
That the last thing you want to hear
From me is reality
Yet, I will not the be
The end that justifies your means


It takes one to know one
It's one take to one know
Generalization is my pusher
And conclusion's jump my needle...

I love this line.
my phone is heavy
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Reply #7 posted 08/30/08 7:21am

eaglebear4839

there's one more verse, that could be seen as a postscript or could be a cliffhanger to pt. 3 - what do you think?

If I look at you
The next time I see you in church
Will you see the cold stare
Behind my smile?
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Reply #8 posted 08/30/08 11:26am

groovyiau

you have an interesting view eaglebear4839
Did you ever play a game called Abes Oddworld... ?
club scrub makes me think of a
drink you would
find in there saloons...

you writing style is very hard on my mind..
which is interesting considering the music you make..
although
we do see different things in that as well....

Hopefully we wont meet in church... lol
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Reply #9 posted 08/31/08 6:18am

eaglebear4839

is hard on your mind how? 'splain, Lucy... lol I do tend to have a different approach to each. but as for music, it's about to get creamy with a little Serena Swirl - it's what you chase the club scrub down with...

groovyiau said:

you have an interesting view eaglebear4839
Did you ever play a game called Abes Oddworld... ?
club scrub makes me think of a
drink you would
find in there saloons...

you writing style is very hard on my mind..
which is interesting considering the music you make..
although
we do see different things in that as well....

Hopefully we wont meet in church... lol
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Reply #10 posted 08/31/08 8:45am

groovyiau

eaglebear4839 said:

I Say You Are, I Say I Am
by Eagle Bear

If I am
Whatever I say you are
Then my sorrow
Would be from looking
Only on either side
Of the crack in the mirror

If you are
Whatever I say I am
Then my angst
Would be from hearing
Only from one ear

If we are
Whatever we say of each other
Then our contempt
Would be only in recognizing it as true...

©2008 Eagle Bear


eaglebear4839 said:

is hard on your mind how? 'splain, Lucy... lol I do tend to have a different approach to each. but as for music, it's about to get creamy with a little Serena Swirl - it's what you chase the club scrub down with...


Waaaaahhhhh o.k. Desi....

its like this....

from what i can read...
and actually have to work out....

Your actually saying you want someone
like you
who is like themselves
and not copying you...
but still like you...

Now i dont know if your trying to be
clever writer with your writing
or your trying
to explain yourself and what
your looking for... and this is how you do it....

to me...
Its a bit like Poe trying to fill words into silence...
I watched this the other day..
http://www.youtube.com/wa...LSmhpwLdEQ
Vincent Price is better
but he enunciated a word wrong.. lol


o.k. bye now Desi...
Vivienne and i are going to the shops..... lol

lol edit..I was gonna but Mary Jane... but thats dope..... lol
[Edited 8/31/08 1:51am]
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Reply #11 posted 08/31/08 10:23am

eaglebear4839

Well, you know what they say...clever is as clever does (who said that?)

But as for "filling words into silence", that would be a good thing, because silence is where God lives. God also permeates the space in between the words that comes before the silence, and after it, and in between.

Apart from that, I'd highly suggest that if the words are hard on your mind, then try interpreting with your being, not your mind. Either that or read pt. 2 of this prose (below), to find out who and what is being addressed.

groovyiau said:

eaglebear4839 said:

I Say You Are, I Say I Am
by Eagle Bear

If I am
Whatever I say you are
Then my sorrow
Would be from looking
Only on either side
Of the crack in the mirror

If you are
Whatever I say I am
Then my angst
Would be from hearing
Only from one ear

If we are
Whatever we say of each other
Then our contempt
Would be only in recognizing it as true...

©2008 Eagle Bear


eaglebear4839 said:

is hard on your mind how? 'splain, Lucy... lol I do tend to have a different approach to each. but as for music, it's about to get creamy with a little Serena Swirl - it's what you chase the club scrub down with...


Waaaaahhhhh o.k. Desi....

its like this....

from what i can read...
and actually have to work out....

Your actually saying you want someone
like you
who is like themselves
and not copying you...
but still like you...

Now i dont know if your trying to be
clever writer with your writing
or your trying
to explain yourself and what
your looking for... and this is how you do it....

to me...
Its a bit like Poe trying to fill words into silence...
I watched this the other day..
http://www.youtube.com/wa...LSmhpwLdEQ
Vincent Price is better
but he enunciated a word wrong.. lol


o.k. bye now Desi...
Vivienne and i are going to the shops..... lol

lol edit..I was gonna but Mary Jane... but thats dope..... lol
[Edited 8/31/08 1:51am]
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Reply #12 posted 08/31/08 11:10am

groovyiau

Ya hit the nail on the head there eaglebear...

"interpreting"

now to me we are "beings" first....
interpretations is an acquired skill
that we can add or take away complexity....

part 2 was less hard on the head...
part 3 was easily understood...

and are you saying
that i got part 1 incorrect... ?
coz i would like to know
what your really saying if i did.. lol

are you actually doing
some form of writing course ?
coz you just might be too eductated
for my understandings... and that might
become frustrating for you...

sorry if it is....




cool
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Reply #13 posted 08/31/08 11:45pm

eaglebear4839

It's never frustrating to me when make inquiry like you have. I think the worst kind of question is one that never gets asked.

Though I am planning to take several writing courses while in school over the next couple years, subjects like children's literature and fiction writing, I have been a writer ever since childhood.

So, not to be a smart-ass or anything, but if you think you got it, then you did. Don't overthink it. Let it marinate.

groovyiau said:

Ya hit the nail on the head there eaglebear...

"interpreting"

now to me we are "beings" first....
interpretations is an acquired skill
that we can add or take away complexity....

part 2 was less hard on the head...
part 3 was easily understood...

and are you saying
that i got part 1 incorrect... ?
coz i would like to know
what your really saying if i did.. lol

are you actually doing
some form of writing course ?
coz you just might be too eductated
for my understandings... and that might
become frustrating for you...

sorry if it is....




cool
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Reply #14 posted 09/01/08 1:51am

groovyiau

eaglebear4839 said:

It's never frustrating to me when make inquiry like you have. I think the worst kind of question is one that never gets asked.

Though I am planning to take several writing courses while in school over the next couple years, subjects like children's literature and fiction writing, I have been a writer ever since childhood.

So, not to be a smart-ass or anything, but if you think you got it, then you did. Don't overthink it. Let it marinate.



I can say that
i have smart-ass tendencies.....
quite strong actually... lol
and thats why i can say i didnt
think you were being a smart-ass
at all...

I did think you were in school
and having a shot at some
new lesson you'd learnt...

i did actually ask you if i got it right?

yes or no will be fine...

I get a picture of a mask
a yellow face fox
whats behind the mask...
cares to no me not...
what i wish to tell
the mask was nice..
egg yolk yellow...
bright but not wild...
trist missed got...
care more not to no not...
not more than one
care more not to not know
not more than one
care more not not
not to know
to know knots...
3 ringed loop
i already marinated potatoes...
whats in your soup....
did not i ask...
for i would get the recipe
before the spoon was past...
lots of love..
me the smart-ass

lol
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Reply #15 posted 09/01/08 7:29pm

tony23k

avatar

eaglebear4839 said:

there's one more verse, that could be seen as a postscript or could be a cliffhanger to pt. 3 - what do you think?

If I look at you
The next time I see you in church
Will you see the cold stare
Behind my smile?
I wonder how pt.3 would have worked blended into pt.2?
The visuals leading into pt.3 are very abrupt and presupposed.Making it a more jagged read.I'm curious to see the postscript/cliffhanger.
my phone is heavy
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Reply #16 posted 09/02/08 8:31am

eaglebear4839

I will write the rest of pt. 3 just as soon as I fishslap someone for tryin' to hijack my threads. fishslap (not you, tho, 23)... hijacked
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Reply #17 posted 09/02/08 10:31am

groovyiau

sorry....
but come on.... you want feed back you want response...
how about this.... you write my response and what you wanna here....
and I'll just post this emotican cool

"some create doors where there is no wall....." <<< a being thought... (c)

lol
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Reply #18 posted 09/03/08 8:57am

eaglebear4839

(C0NSTRUCTIVE) Feedback I want...you posting your prose onto my threads I don't. Collaborative, not competitive. I'd like the main point of the threads I post to be the writing itself, with the primary responses being questions about the writing (inspiration for it, what's x phrase mean, etc.) On this end, I think Prince had it right in his npgmc chat rooms.

groovyiau said:

sorry....
but come on.... you want feed back you want response...
how about this.... you write my response and what you wanna here....
and I'll just post this emotican cool

"some create doors where there is no wall....." <<< a being thought... (c)

lol
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Reply #19 posted 09/08/08 7:07am

tony23k

avatar

eaglebear4839 said:

I will write the rest of pt. 3 just as soon as I fishslap someone

fishslapn' done?
lol



I think we would all like to hear the rest of pt.3 wink
my phone is heavy
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Reply #20 posted 09/13/08 6:27am

eaglebear4839

yes, fishslap done - here's pt. 3

If I look at you
The next time I see you in church
Will you see the cold stare
Behind my smile?

Maybe if I slip some Krazy glue
On your thumb,
You won't drop your teddy bear
And then you will see
The change in the landscape

To take a look
See if you can do somethin'
Without it looking like
Another shield from the guard dog...

©2008 Eagle Bear
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Reply #21 posted 09/15/08 2:04am

tony23k

avatar

eaglebear4839 said:

- here's pt. 3

If I look at you
The next time I see you in church
Will you see the cold stare
Behind my smile?


Maybe if I slip some Krazy glue
On your thumb,
You won't drop your teddy bear
And then you will see
The change in the landscape

To take a look
See if you can do somethin'
Without it looking like
Another shield from the guard dog...

©2008 Eagle Bear


Not as abrupt in this context.
And,flows quite well into pt.3
thumbs up!
my phone is heavy
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