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Forums > Art, Podcasts, & Fan Content > RAte my lyrics/poem please!
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Thread started 06/24/08 9:49am

dyami12

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RAte my lyrics/poem please!

"vex"
sitting in a daze with my stomach in knots..
eye'm stuck inside a phase eye wish eye forgot.
In the midst of this crowd, eye stand on edge..
My psyche unbowed, this man will never pledge.
As eye sulk, she comes and smiles.
She was once saw as beauty, eye'm no longer beguiled.
Soon she begins 2 talk on the matter of why.
Vexed, eye reply wishing she would fly.
Never clever, she fails 2 read between the lines.
It's whatever, we could never combine.
So the truth, still eye can't accept.
Reason why, its beyond this depth.
Her words were once my own.
Foolish 2 believe my life she could hone.
5:45, 3 hours since she left.
The essence survives, crime being the perfect theft.
Robbery of my mind, eye'm sure she has no clue.
eye've been battling this desire since her debut.
eye need her extinct from my brain;
Unhealthy thoughts foriegn as the country Spain..
eye crave 2 ignore emotions unreturned.
Plauge of deplore, surely eye've learned..
..In her chills, I'll force a burst..Erotic thrills, so good, it hurts..My motions 2 her velvet, she'll strike it as love..Rain from her pelvis..ended with doves..
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Reply #1 posted 06/24/08 10:11am

syble

why do you need to be rated?
walk with crooked shoes www.myspace/syblepurplelishous
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Reply #2 posted 06/24/08 10:12am

dyami12

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syble said:

why do you need to be rated?

to get opinions on my art forms..why else?
..In her chills, I'll force a burst..Erotic thrills, so good, it hurts..My motions 2 her velvet, she'll strike it as love..Rain from her pelvis..ended with doves..
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Reply #3 posted 06/24/08 11:45am

Slave2daGroove

I like the story telling aspect but that eye icon is too distracting for me.
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Reply #4 posted 06/29/08 5:43pm

missmad

Slave2daGroove said:

I like the story telling aspect but that eye icon is too distracting for me.



yea agreed
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Reply #5 posted 06/29/08 7:29pm

tony23k

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I agree^^^
the eye icon is a stumbling block.

After the 3rd read ,it does flow alot smoother.

How are we rating?
my phone is heavy
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Forums > Art, Podcasts, & Fan Content > RAte my lyrics/poem please!