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Existence I stand before you as a human, a being, a person, an individual with a mind, soul, and heart inspiring, loving, defiant, a compassionate spirit, reaching for an understanding of the Higher Power A warrior for truth, existing in a world filled with bitterness, hate, lies, prejudice, false friendships and deceit but within proximity…there is Love Love..it’s there, I feel it, as I imagine myself standing on the top of a mountain, looking towards the sky, watching the layers of golden, orange hues stream across it so beautifully.. like music notes singing the sun to sleep as it sets, while the earth slowly rotates to begin another day and night....and I embrace it. Yes, I stand there, with this great feeling of Love, as I ponder about my existence, my purpose, in this complicated world of personalities and differences. Copyright 2008 2elijah (ch) (couple of words edited) [Edited 7/5/08 16:29pm] | |
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very thoughtful
have you considered editing to bring the poem into rythmic stanzas? its a great tool to take the poem into a tighter set, i dont mean it should rhyme not at all, sometimes thats cool but i mean to revisit verses that flow unabandonedly. I sometimes decide the flow near the end or part way through. If I feel the verse is waffling and then i edit it to work with the other verses ie decide if you want 3 lines or four or more, re-read the rythmn and edit the vocab to fit etc some of my poems have a standard set of lines per verse sometimes i make a pattern of three then four then three and so on. I think it changes a flow of thought in words into a structured poem. a lovely visual you have great imagination - I hope you dont mind my thoughts. ( im refering to the third verse which nearly fits but could be re-worked into 8 lines of text to match your pattern elsewhere.) [Edited 6/21/08 10:13am] walk with crooked shoes www.myspace/syblepurplelishous | |
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syble said: very thoughtful
have you considered editing to bring the poem into rythmic stanzas? its a great tool to take the poem into a tighter set, i dont mean it should rhyme not at all, sometimes thats cool but i mean to revisit verses that flow unabandonedly. I sometimes decide the flow near the end or part way through. If I feel the verse is waffling and then i edit it to work with the other verses ie decide if you want 3 lines or four or more, re-read the rythmn and edit the vocab to fit etc some of my poems have a standard set of lines per verse sometimes i make a pattern of three then four then three and so on. I think it changes a flow of thought in words into a structured poem. a lovely visual you have great imagination - I hope you dont mind my thoughts. ( im refering to the third verse which nearly fits but could be re-worked into 8 lines of text to match your pattern elsewhere.) [Edited 6/21/08 10:13am] Well, actually the third verse does match. In the third verse, you just have to put yourself in that moment. Thanks for your advice though, but I like the way the poem flows. In my poetry, some lines will rhyme, some won't, some may not be structured the way others feel it should, and well some may not get it at all, but that's the world of poetry. Thanks for the input though. [Edited 6/21/08 17:04pm] | |
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2elijah said: I stand before you as a human, a being, a person, an individual with a mind, soul, and heart Inspiring, loving, defiant, a compassionate spirit, reaching for an understanding of the Higher Power A warrior for truth, existing in a world filled with bitterness,hate, lies, prejudices, false friendships and deceit but within proximity…there is Love Love..it’s there, I feel it, as I imagine myself, standing on the top of a mountain looking up at the sky, watching the layers of golden, orange hues stream across it so beautifully, like music notes singing the sun to sleep as it begins to set, while the earth slowly rotates to begin another day and night..and I embrace it. I stand there, with this great feeling of Love, as I ponder about my existence, my purpose, in this complicated world of personalities and differences. Copyright 2008 2elijah (ch) [Edited 6/14/08 14:06pm] I love the last paragraph of your poem. It's a poem stand alone.  my phone is heavy | |
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tony23k said: 2elijah said: I stand before you as a human, a being, a person, an individual with a mind, soul, and heart Inspiring, loving, defiant, a compassionate spirit, reaching for an understanding of the Higher Power A warrior for truth, existing in a world filled with bitterness,hate, lies, prejudices, false friendships and deceit but within proximity…there is Love Love..it’s there, I feel it, as I imagine myself, standing on the top of a mountain looking up at the sky, watching the layers of golden, orange hues stream across it so beautifully, like music notes singing the sun to sleep as it begins to set, while the earth slowly rotates to begin another day and night..and I embrace it. I stand there, with this great feeling of Love, as I ponder about my existence, my purpose, in this complicated world of personalities and differences. Copyright 2008 2elijah (ch) [Edited 6/14/08 14:06pm] I love the last paragraph of your poem. It's a poem stand alone. Thanks Tony, much appreciated. | |
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tony23k said: 2elijah said: I stand before you as a human, a being, a person, an individual with a mind, soul, and heart Inspiring, loving, defiant, a compassionate spirit, reaching for an understanding of the Higher Power A warrior for truth, existing in a world filled with bitterness,hate, lies, prejudices, false friendships and deceit but within proximity…there is Love Love..it’s there, I feel it, as I imagine myself, standing on the top of a mountain looking up at the sky, watching the layers of golden, orange hues stream across it so beautifully, like music notes singing the sun to sleep as it begins to set, while the earth slowly rotates to begin another day and night..and I embrace it. I stand there, with this great feeling of Love, as I ponder about my existence, my purpose, in this complicated world of personalities and differences. Copyright 2008 2elijah (ch) [Edited 6/14/08 14:06pm] I love the last paragraph of your poem. It's a poem stand alone.  Me too! It makes me feel all warm inside. ..as 2elijah and I met on this board....hardly spoke at first. Came from a "complicated world of differences," and became good friends who really understand each other. "Sistas."  I told someone today that I learned so much from 2elijah and reading P&R, that I feel like she was my teacher.
Great poem.... "Let love be your perfect weapon..." ~~Andy Biersack | |
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noimageatall said: tony23k said: I love the last paragraph of your poem. It's a poem stand alone. Me too! It makes me feel all warm inside...as 2elijah and I met on this board....hardly spoke at first. Came from a "complicated world of differences," and became good friends who really understand each other. "Sistas." I told someone today that I learned so much from 2elijah and reading P&R, that I feel like she was my teacher.
Great poem.... ...and you are a beautiful soul "my sista"..we are all each other's teachers, as I have learned much from you as well, despite our race and cultural differences. People like you give me hope that the attitudes in this world can change. Stay the beautiful soul that you are as it has touched me and many others here. [Edited 6/24/08 18:28pm] | |
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| "Let love be your perfect weapon..." ~~Andy Biersack | |
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noimageatall said: tony23k said: I love the last paragraph of your poem. It's a poem stand alone. Me too! It makes me feel all warm inside...as 2elijah and I met on this board....hardly spoke at first. Came from a "complicated world of differences," and became good friends who really understand each other. "Sistas." I told someone today that I learned so much from 2elijah and reading P&R, that I feel like she was my teacher.
Great poem.... We have alot of great poets here.And I really enjoy coming here and reading their work.I've even posted a few of my own. The last paragraph of "Existence" is what I enjoy. It could have a different meaning for everyone,yet the message is the same. my phone is heavy | |
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tony23k said: noimageatall said: Me too! It makes me feel all warm inside...as 2elijah and I met on this board....hardly spoke at first. Came from a "complicated world of differences," and became good friends who really understand each other. "Sistas." I told someone today that I learned so much from 2elijah and reading P&R, that I feel like she was my teacher.
Great poem.... We have alot of great poets here.And I really enjoy coming here and reading their work.I've even posted a few of my own. The last paragraph of "Existence" is what I enjoy. It could have a different meaning for everyone,yet the message is the same. You know you guys are spoiling me with all these compliments..right?! | |
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2elijah said: tony23k said: We have alot of great poets here.And I really enjoy coming here and reading their work.I've even posted a few of my own. The last paragraph of "Existence" is what I enjoy. It could have a different meaning for everyone,yet the message is the same. You know you guys are spoiling me with all these compliments..right?!
Every cell in my body absorbs any anXiety In case there is any it Stops Tied into nothingness Exiting my being totally, absolutely.. Nowhere to be found Clearly it was but a moment of Excitement 2008 t my phone is heavy | |
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tony23k said: 2elijah said: You know you guys are spoiling me with all these compliments..right?!
Every cell in my body absorbs any anXiety In case there is any it Stops Tied into nothingness Exiting my being totally, absolutely.. Nowhere to be found Clearly it was but a moment of Excitement 2008 t Wow!... ....cool Tony![Edited 6/27/08 20:30pm] | |
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2elijah said: tony23k said:
Every cell in my body absorbs any anXiety In case there is any it Stops Tied into nothingness Exiting my being totally, absolutely.. Nowhere to be found Clearly it was but a moment of Excitement 2008 t Wow!... ....cool Tony!
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tony23k said: 2elijah said: Wow!... ....cool Tony!
ure poems melt my heart & soul, Like the icying of the winter snow in to spring rain..... so that the subshine may come though and shine (in) 
Blessin~ and Peace to U Smiling Makes Joy Come Alive........and Joy can never die .........  | |
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