i've been sitting in on a few of my friends classes on women in art and the whole idea of the ideal woman and beauty and all of that... and just re-evaluating what i've experienced in my life

...and i started working on some writing...
... now - i'm a horrible writer in every sense of the word, and for that, i think i have something interesting to share... i don't know...
... if you don't like it, that's fine - i just needed to get this out of my system and farther than the pages in my private book



it's not finished yet... and should i get to that point, i'll make sure to post the rest...



so, in case you haven't realized it by now - it's called... "White Girl" :

don't let these words fool you
i'm happy in my skin
but there are those days..
in life --
where this black puzzle piece just doesn't...
fit in...
these eyes, this nose, this smile
this self...
unique in it's own glory
this present, places past upon the shelf
manifesting a sad story...
this little black girl - a beautiful one
unaware of her own mystique
only knew of life as an outsider -- the "other"
her "blackness" synonymous with "weak"
her hair was kinky, her skin was smooth
warm as sunshine and first kisses
the hate, the fear, the ignorance
they stifled her lonely wishes...
wishes of peace, love and acceptance
rang hollow on deaf ears
her black became cold, isolated -- bitter
stone heart, glass eyes, ice tears
most tragic of all, she wanted a change
to wish a pebble of a pearl
the only thing that this little black child wanted...
...was to be just like a white girl
straight hair, fair skin, a "natural beauty"
was what her eyes did see
false ideals, so-called "Big T" truths
forced by society..... (to be continued)




alright -- have at it.
[Edited 6/5/08 18:53pm]

Love this

Mach said:

merci, mach

Sammi, I thought it was awesome, speaks truth about what many little girls of color, not just Black went through and many who are still going through self-identification issues, within a society that tells them through media and various sources that their beauty is not ideal. I especially like the last part of it, where you mentioned "false ideals", it speaks volumes and so true.

As far as you mentioning not being a good writer, you're wrong, I thought it was excellent and you basically spoke for a lot of little girls who unfortunately still feel that way.
[Edited 6/6/08 7:16am]

Black girl
The beauty of within.....without
The false praise of the masses

Shining despite the despair
of the negative image outside
4 when u go into life's battle
I will ALWAYS be by your side

Black Girl
The ONLY Girl.....I Love.

Graycap23 said:

2elijah said:

thank you so much... i always realized that i wasn't alone, but man... it's rough to keep that in mind when it's happening to you

i'm happy it speaks for a larger group... thanks n blessings

Graycap23 said:

thank u.

Sammi,
I told you before that you should keep writing and I sincerely, sincerely meant it. This is a very poignant piece. I really like it.

There's a little four year old girl (you have seen her picture) that I dearly love, who is already having these same feelings. Last Christmas she wanted to know why there's hardly ever any black angels. Meggy and I combed the stores until we found a gorgeous black angel tree topper for her. We do what we can but we aren't black and cannot say to her the things you can.

Keep writing.

sammij said:

You're welcome, it is unfortunate that the media/advertisers/fashion world and many in society dictates what "real beauty" is. So-called "physical beauty" does not last. Real beauty is within one's soul and that lasts forever.

If you accept who you are and embrace all of who you are, then you'll know what real beauty is. If someone has a problem with your physical image, it's usually because they have a low opinion of themselves and have fallen victim to society's false image of beauty.

Anyway, keep up the good work, and never refer to yourself as a "horrible" writer again. I look forward to reading your next one.


word edit
[Edited 6/7/08 19:07pm]

shellyevon said:

merci
i have tons of random musings (is what i call them) but they were all from when i was a young emo 13 year old, and when i took myself far too seriously - that's what made me stop, that realization...

now i just write, and if something like that comes about, i go with it
i haven't felt like completing it yet, but when i feel the next wave, i'll ride it.

2elijah said:

now that means a lot to me... thank you [i]

and i'm mid-embrace with myself now... it's coming along, and i think the more i write it out the better

beautiful sammi many can relate

matthewgrant said:

thank you

WOW! Thank you so much!! I really have tears in my eyes...i feel you..sometime i feel like I will never be 'good enough' unless I was white, however I am extremely proud of my blackness and wouldnt trade it for the world.

However there are those days when I think, "would I be treated better if my skin was fair"?


Stay true my sister

paisleypark4 said:

thank you love

and i feel like that very often, and looking back on my youth (which i know isn't over yet) i just realize how much time was wasted on wishing myself otherwise..


even the term "fair" skin, why is it fair, is to be otherwise, unjust?
it seems petty but i'm just trying to unlearn what i've grown up knowing, and just trying to relearn everything carefully...

sammij said:

that is the purpose of life, to have these experiences, and to learn and to grow spiritually from them is all.

"Fair Skin" ... only been using that as a result of the observation that others say about lightskinned people or white. I never heard the term fair skin used to represent a black person.

paisleypark4 said:

same here
and the word fair to me, always meant "just" or legit
but it's just now that i'm realizing how they used that same word to describe a certain colour of shade of skin

i really love and value what i'm learning and can only hope my nieces and nephews will not grow through the same trials i have...

theres just so much to cover i dont know how or when i'll finish the poem... but im happy it's getting such positive feedback...

thank you again m'love
[Edited 6/11/08 12:37pm]

Interesting reading these comments. I've always wanted 2 be the skin tone color of Wesley Snipes.

Graycap23 said:

in the black community u would get made fun of so many times growing up being that dark..its not a commodity.

paisleypark4 said:

There would have been a lot more asses kicked. I LOVE being BLACK. It's a positive 4 me.

Graycap23 said:

it is for me too
its just hard fighting off the unnecessaries. say for instance, being the only black girl amongst a group of friends, everyone else is white, they have their own thing that they do that's just different and unlike what you would do

i'm happy to say most of my friends are very multi-cultural, and we all have learned over the years to reacquaint ourselves with who we are and then share our differences that way...

another unnecessary, being known for your blackness.. now this isn't a bad thing at all, but when as an artist, your work gets to be known as "black art" whatever that really means... and that you're no longer known as an artist but a "black artist" it's all so confusing, and i never know which is right or wrong... its like i can't just be, i have to "be" behind my blackness

for others, it's like a flag just so they know who they're dealing with
i just want to be...

i feel like none of this is making sense
and i don't want any of what i say to be taken the wrong way...
let me stop.
lol

sammij said:

LOL!! i know exactly what you mean. I got white friends who say sometime im ghetto, then my black friends say im a nerd..or i act like im "lighskinned" . I never been the one to 'act hood' or anything like that even though my entire life I was raised 'in the hood'. My music was my backbone and let that mold me to be who I am.

As for saying that...the more I have been called Bucwheat & Nigger and then...not black enough..only makes me more proud of myself. I thank you very much for your poem

paisleypark4 said:

you're more than welcome! if it gives birth to deep discussion then i'm all about writing then
i've been called nigger, i've been called whitewashed...i've been called it all..
mostly whitewashed...and i think that's what made me start thinking about what it means to be said term... i remember one day in highschool this black girl screamed it out, angrily, at me after i accidentally bumped into her..
she was friends with some distant fam of mine that went to my school too...
...and they all hated me. i was "too white"

then with the white friends, i was a token, it was cool to know "the black girl"



life - so strange.

sammij said:

LOL! And then people wonder why 'black folk' be angry. LOL! Alot of the really thug people I can get along with that, and then I can easily get along with the most suburban folks too that never seen a black person in the neighborhood since 2004. We just have to know "how to act" and "how not to act" with different types of our people. Its so strange ..this conversation could go on for ages!!! U cant act too black and you cant act too white!

Hard enough being a person already, and with me being gay on top of it really takes the cake.

sammij said:

I hear u. We just need 2 be ourselves not worry about how other people preceive it. Either they accept it or they don't.