Girdle said:

Nice...

Volitan said:

Cool!

Volitan said:

okay, they're all sort of written in a song context so if the sound rediculous, just imagine them in a hard rock song


Cherise

Cherise, when it's you and me
Sexual Fantasy is all my eyes can see
Maybe you don't realize
It can be so much better with me

Maybe one day we can make it happen
When you and I are alone
Maybe you can show me
and throw me a bone

I know you've already got a man
and you think you can't ever leave him
But if you come with me,
I can be the ruler of your kingdom

Cherise, my message is loud and clear
You don't need that fool to put your stuff in gear
So come over here and make it come true
All I wanna do, is do things to you

Teach Myself To Fly


I can't be what you want me to be
I can't be what you wanna see

I don't know what I'm gonna do
I'm not gonna choose just to please you

Your expectations are far too high
Let me get my wings and teach myself to fly

Maybe I'll pick a different life
But either way, it'll be mine

Busted

A barely lit room
and an illuminated TV
This is what I want it to be

Your fiery shit
screamin' out for me
We may get caught at the scene

Go over to the bed
and hope it doesn't creek
Because all the others might take a peek

Take off my hat
my shirt, my shoes
This is time I don't wanna lose

Dim the lights some more
I'll show you what I got
**Can't Read My Own Handwriting Here **

Make it quick
And put on your clothes
All the people out there ain't ever gonna know

Put on your shirt
and fix your hair
Only you and me will know what was shared

OK, Volitan, I think I just put Cherise and Busted into a hard rock song..
As for Teach Myself To Fly....very moxie...I like it...

Volitan said:

I can be nice, and say you did a good job,
or i can dissect the hell out of it

As a song writer, which one do you want?

"Nice" of you to give him a choice.... lol

obsessed said:

Its a philosophical one

EmbattledWarrior said:

OK....
Nice to see you back...
Now I really need to sleep...fightin' off a gigantic cold...
Nite, EW....

obsessed said:

Nite kitten

obsessed said:

Hi.
no,
I recorded it from a tape.

I would love to do that someday.


Hope you feel better soon.

Volitan said:

nice and welcome.
Did you ever decipher that line in "Busted"? also, what's on TV?

Thanks Tony and Obsessed.
Obsessed:

EmbattledWarrior said:

Both? I mean, say what you will, but I didn't write them for you or anyone else. I wrote them for myself. I don't really see what makes you think you're in any position to critique me, but go ahead.



No I didn't, and I have no idea what's on TV. I don't feel like going to look. Why do you ask??

Volitan said:[quote]

EmbattledWarrior said:

When i said the question was a philosphical one, i wasn't lying
That reply you gave me says alot about you...
You're in the I don't write for anybody but me stage...
i know cause i was there bout 6 years ago
you don't wanna be bothered with being critiqued, you think its uneccessary
So that means as a song writer you're probably just begginning

So given you're answer i'll keep silent until the day you really want some advice
which might be a few years from now,
good luck man

EmbattledWarrior said:

What ever dude. It's cock rock, not some serious Bob Dylan "Mr. Poet trying to be serious" bullshit. I'm just wondering who you think you are to be critiquing other people's stuff. What are your credentials?

This isn't the first time you've talked down to me over things, and it just really makes you look like an ass. You aren't above me or anyone else here.

Volitan said:

Wow, hostility
I'm not above anyone,
I merely said i was in you're position before...
it isn't a question of status in life
it's a question of maturity, which is something you don't have yet.
And i thought a fellow comerade song writer, would wan't some advice,
I was wrong, you could've said no
no need to be so sensitive.
And fyi, some of the best works of song writing belongs to the"cock rock" genre

EmbattledWarrior said:

I was just wondering why you should be the one to critique me. It's like when I asked about Prince's guitars a while back you said something to the effect of "give it up, because I'll never sound like him". I wasn't trying to sound like him. You said it in a way as if to say "Come on, kid, you have no idea what you're talking about." It's like you assume that I don't know what I'm doing or something. A lot of times it just seems like you tihnk you're some super seasoned veteran, whose trying to give advice to some "new kid".

You're comment about my style of music didn't really help your case either. You're probably one of those people who thinks art and music is something to be planned and taken seriously. To me music isn't about writing something thought-provoking or emotional or serious. Music is something fun to play in my eyes. If I wanted to write something though provoking, I'd write some shitty analogies about comparing ym life to a war or something. Life's too short for that. I want my music to be fun, I don't want it to make me think. In my experience, people prefer a fun song to a shitty-thought-provoking-emotional-pouring-my-heart-out ballad.

Cock rock wasn't exactly the right term, by the way. I just meant rock and roll/hard rock

Volitan said:

That doesn't sactify anything you've said,
merely means you're a sensitive egoist... that thinks you shouldn't be critiqued
and you might be right...
And i don't know why you got into a tirade about the content of the song writing...
The content is the business of the writer, you're business...
I can't critique content, and if i did, i'd be an asshole...
I was actually just going to suggest that you use a rhyme dictionary cause some lines sounded a little forced...

Art and music? planned out ... haha
stop getting so defensive and trying to put me in the spot light,
The mere fact that you reacted like this, is because you're insecure...

And have you really been holding that Prince stuff in for this long,
Come on grow up now...

Seasoned veteran? nah, far from it,
But i do enjoy getting advice from other song writers, part of the growing process..
like i said i wasn't always like that though
Years ago i would've reacted the same way you've done
so i really don't fault ya,
everybody's gotta find their own way...
thought you might've wanted a little help
It's like i said...
You could've said no...
not go into a defensive tirade...

Volitan said:[quote]

EmbattledWarrior said:

I meant on the "illuminated TV" in your song scenario.
You know, as a woman, we wonder these things.

I was only teasing, though. It's my way of saying "welcome"
But you art people are so sensitive tonight, I'll save the fun for another day.

P.S.

I've written songs about having prostitutes "biting the bullet" to my revolver...
which is hardly thought provoking (maybe it is in some ways )
But don't try to make me out into some village geek writing beatnik poetry
shines poorly on you

Girdle said:

Girdle, just ignore us, you got any more stuff to post, by all means...
no need to disturb the flow of the thread, i'll be posting some stuff later
[Edited 11/1/07 19:59pm]

EmbattledWarrior said:

I think being an egotist would mean that I think I'm better than everyone else. I'm in fact the opposite. I was wondering why you think you should be the critic here. I have no problem with criticism, and I take it quite well.

I'm don't wanna get into a pissing match here. I was just saying, some of you're posts read like you're "mentoring" or "lecturing". If that wasn't the intent, my mistake. My "defensiveness" was misread as well, though. I just meant I play hard rock and lyrics aren't really what people care about when they wanna see a hard rock show. That's all I meant by that.

Water under the bridge, mate.



I have no idea. I turned it off.

Volitan said:[quote]

EmbattledWarrior said:

Hard Rock? eh
Playing Hard Rock means you don't have to write decent lyrics
not true
Ever heard of Husker Du, Led Zeppelin, Metallica, Guns And Roses
Rage Against the Machine, System Of a Down, Soundgarden, Weezer
White Zombie, Slayer?
All have songs with great lyrics man
Sure they also have lyrics that are fun too...
What i'm saying is don't limit yourself,
A writer is always a writer...
And seriously consider the rhyming dictionary thing...
It will take the work to the next level.
I'm really sorry if i offended,
I just believe us writers are a flock that needs to stick together
ya dig?

EmbattledWarrior said:

But the Hard Rock, riffy-based songs from those bands, the lyircs are not a shining point. How do you mean the rhymes sound "forced"???

Volitan said:

Forced as in, the rhymes don't feel natural and often use unatural sounding words, if that makes sense
kinda destroys the flow of the song,
you use alot of the same rhyme endings for the same songs,
Be, Me etc...and sometimes your forcing the rhyme so much that
some ryhmes sound awkward
like when you rhyme bone with alone
An easy fix is a rhyming dictionary,
Every song writer uses one
hell i even use websites like Rhymezone.com
they really do help,

other that the work is great, now the music is another story lol

EmbattledWarrior said:

I'll keep that in mind next time I write something.

Volitan said:

Cool Daddio

Now then what went on in this thread while I was gone,
besides the making of poetry?

Guess I'll have to catch up.... lol

obsessed said:

Don't you worry you're little head about that,
it's become nothingness lol

EmbattledWarrior said:

OK, if you say so! lol

Girdle said:

Too late.... lol

Now it's hot toddys for the laryngitis...Mmmm....lol

Tony, thanks for the well wishes....
hope you get to record that orca yourself one day.
[Edited 11/3/07 21:01pm]