Rainy Nights in Tao

The balance between heaven and earth
Rests on a rainy night under a tao moon
A divine flood swallows up my shore
A shore where i grown too old, too wise, too soon

The Showers have cleared two separate paths
One of honour The other of adulation
One leads to fame and circumstance
The other was Alien to my elation

Days merge into yearly jubilees
watching the shade cover the undergrowth
whilst two paths age beside my mesmeric sea
My mind conflicted embraces both

In State’s of one, Millions cross my mind
The twilight catches the mirror of my eyes
showing the balance between heaven and earth
A balance i will no doubt despise

With my back laid against my wise shore
The waters wash two aged paths
and chooses the passages i went looking for
a choice where nostalgia awaits amassed

By DaSorcerer


Need some opinions, its still in the preliminaries, be brutally honest

Honestly, its wonderful!





Jshua

Styles said:

coming from you,

That really means alot

Thank You

C'mon now, i know you guys arent big on poetry,

But any hint of advice would help,

A help a fellow artist out

Honestly, in my opinion it's too wordy. Have you read this aloud?

Is it meant to be just a poem or lyrics for a song?

I really liked these lines:

One leads to fame and circumstance
The other was Alien to my elation

My mind conflicted embraces both

showing the balance between heaven and earth
A balance i will no doubt despise

VinaBlue said:

Just a poem, the syllable structure in my opinion needs work...
cause some line sare longe rthan need be...
but other than that, still trying to find ways to discredit it
thnx for the comment though, appreciate it