Sorry I didn't post this sooner... I wrote this yesterday and never posted it. Here 'tis:

Friday, 3pm.
Yesterday was the open audition. The newspaper said that less than 50 people showed up. Come on people. It's a world-famous rock band, doing a frickin reality show. There's certainly more attention whores out there.

Anycrap. The open auditions were yesterday. The private ones were today, but, due to the low turnout yesterday, I think they were letting ANYBODY into the joint. At least, that's my guess.

I showed up, they snapped a photo of me, (NOT too pretty) and gave me a number. 083. They then sent me over with the three other rockstar hopefuls.

It was me, some pretty blonde girl, a sulking tatooed girl and a big hulking dude. Miss Tatt and the Hulk both played acoustic guitars. The blonde brought a karaoke disc. Apparently, I'm the only one ready to RAWK, as I brought my telecaster and harmonica and backing track that I'd recorded THAT MORNING.

They got us up to play in the order of our numbers. I was last, so I got to watch the other three go first. (which was good because I took notes on what NOT to do!).

Miss Tatt got up and mumbled her way through some blues number and then butchered Sympathy for the Devil. She had a GREAT voice - honest - it was rock all the way, but unfortunately, her shoegazing disposition and inability to appear alive really seemed to hinder her.

Next was the Hulk. The dude kicked SUCH ass. Unfortunately, he kicked ass with an acoustic guitar. No matter if he played INNA-GODDA-DAVIDA or PARANOID, it would sound like a coffee house. So, he was rocking, but only in a showerstall kind of way.

Next was Karaoke Girl.

That's really all I need to say about her. "Next was Karaoke Girl". Honest. Don't make me be cruel. Oh - BUT - before she started, she was stupid enough to say, "oh, I can't see you guys with all these lights on up here!" and they said, "well, you should ge used to it! you're here to be a star, right?"

As they all performed, the producers would wrap up each song at around the second chorus, thank them, ask a couple questions, INVARIABLY, they asked, "CAN YOU ROCK?" and Miss Tatt and The Hulk both tried to bring it, but, come on, they're playing acoustic. And, sure, tell me that acoustic rocks on some songs. That it does. But not at this audition, it didn't.

And karaoke girl was thanked after the first song and sent on her way. Actually, as each of them wrapped up their part, they were sent on their way, leaving only me and my gigantic ego to show them how to bring the rock and the funk to the stage.

(note: I'd recorded all the backing tracks in the morning before the audition, burned them to CD and was Ready. With a capital R.)

I started out with "She's Too Rich For Me" - playing just the harmonica solo and then wailing on the vocals, no guitar for that one. I was all about the rock star poses, moves, gestures and shit. Honestly, I think I really knocked the stage up from all my horned up steps.

After the second chorus, it was wrapped up and they asked me to do a cover. That's when I let the ego soar, to paraphrase John Ashcroft.

I did this version of "Baby I'm A Star", but to an INXS song.
http://www.blindslim.com/...AR_VOX.mp3

The heads were bobbing with the two producers, I'm guessing that they got the tongue-in-cheek nod to INXS and Prince in one song. Who knows. When they called me last weekend, they'd asked me specifically NOT to do an INXS song, so, you know, I had to sneak a little sumpm sumpm in SOMEwhere. They clocked me on it afterwards, "hey, so, that's Prince? It sure sounded like 'What you Need' by INXS" and I laughed and said, "wow, it sure does! and that's no coincidence! I'm a whore" and we all had a good laugh.

So, when i finished that one, they asked me to do another original, (something they had NOT asked any of the other contestants) so I whipped into "Sometimes I Cry", a whiny ballad about missing a dead person. Come on, you can't tell me that I didn't rock that one too! It's MICHAEL HUTCHENCE! He's DEAD! So they dug that one.

When they cut me off on the second chorus on that one, they asked me if i had a copy of that song with me.

OF COURSE I DO! WHAT, YOU THINK I'M SO STUPID THAT I WOULDN'T BRING A CD WITH ALL THESE SONGS!? JEEZ ONLY AN IDIOT WOULD

oh wait, no, no I don't have a CD with me.

crap.

So, I kicked ass up to the third-yard line. Touchdown? Well, the producer gave me his business card and asked me to send a CD to his office, since he'd probably lose/break the CD on the road anyhow. Excellent, I'm able to get a conversion, (hey hey look at me using sports cliches! SHIT I am the Par 5 course!)

The whole audition was like those Broadway musicals, where, you're on the stage, and there's bright lights in your eyes so you can't see them, you just hear voices asking you questions.

COOL things:
- I was the 83rd person to go in front of these guys, and yet, I was the FIRST person to do a Prince song. And they commented on that. "Odd, you'd think more people would do a Prince song - you know, 80's, dance music, pop music... good choice" UNH!
- I brought in a POD amp modeller instead of bringing in an amp. The producer said, "excellent choice. nobody else has done that - and this is a perfect situation for one of those" so again, BAM, I showed that I'm the greatest person in the world. Or, at least out of the 83 that they'd seen. Which, I guess ain't saying much. Whatever.

So, what's the outcome? Well, supposedly, they'll call me if I'm selected. Great. So I left without even knowing how much ass I kicked. I'm not worried. I brought it. I laid it out. I showed them what I had, and, they'll dig it or not. I was me and did my thang.

And, so, now, it's almost 2 the next day, no phone call. Maybe they'll call once they're done with all the auditions, or, maybe there's no call for me. Who knows.

Awesome story! Where's the video of all this at? Give us the link, put it online! Give us this guy's email so we can all bug him about how much ass you would kick and how you're not into autoerotic asphyxiation! I hope you went with the leather pants or assless chaps!

otan said:

It's multiple city thing so maybe they will call when they are done. It sounded like a good experience whether or not they choose you.

artist08 said:

Who says I'm not into esoteric prophylaxis? No. wait. what's the question?

Very nice read, otan, you are cracking me up as usual! If you have as much bravado on stage as you usually have in your posts, I know you have a chance. Like you said yourself, you did your thing and you gave your all. There is nothing more you can do now but hope you will make it to the next round. I wish you all the best, man, I know you rock! You certainly deserve to be the frontman of INXS. Just remember to leave those groupies alone....

otan said:

Excellent, very clever.

U rock Otan!
Seems U did really great out there
/peace Manki

OH MAN!
I hope we get to see the audition when the show comes out.

I can see it now ... I'll be fighting the wife over the remote saying "But I know this guy! Survivor can wait, darnit!"

Great story. Keep us posted!

the Minneapolis audition is Feb 1...after reading your post I might go try it!

Excellent O.

It will be interesting to see how Burnett directs this show. Already controversy. And just how involved will the members of INXS be, cuz if this doesn’t work....they’re definitely face down. If Burnett has any real understanding of a) a musician and b) the music business...he’ll layer the programming with tidbits of informative and related content to not only showcase talent but take the viewer deeper.

The only way to make this work for Everybody is to find someone that will actually take the defunct INXS into a new direction. U can’t replace Michael. It’s ridiculous IF they think they can continue as INXS. It’s like Nirvana without Curt, the Doors without Jim, Grateful Dead without Jerry, Queen without Freddy (and this new tour won’t fly). Ultimately, what INXS needs is a new front man with the kind of enigmatic chemistry that’s going to spawn something Exciting and New, and with the help of multi media exposure - the world just might get a decent new band.

So when the call comes for the second phase O...be armed with your own sheit and take your bad SELF to the party.

Best,

http://www.michaelhutchen..._name=0002

Here's an interview with the sax player from INXS - he says they're looking for someone OTHER than a Michael replacement. He'd prefer a girl to avoid comparisons even further. Good read, if you got the time.

U didnt want my dorothy parker sheet music offer, then?

PRNelson said:

Thanks - I thought about it - went over it, and in the end, decided to go straight down the middle with a cheez sellout instead of a semi-obscure song that they might not recognize. Sucks, I know...

otan said:

The link doesn't work. Can you try that again?

Hey otan wonderful . Great to read and hear about you in full "attack" Mode . Good luck, you deserve something good to come out of this!!!

http://www.michaelhutchen..._name=0002

Try that link.

Excellent work, Beau. I hope that you get the job! I know that you could do just as great of work as Michael Hutchence. You've got my vote! I support family first, of course!

Peace,
JD

Man, that is great! If you don't get selected for this gig - and they have to be total idiots not to select you, but they ARE record company executives - you're a better humorist than most of the people who get published in newspapers.

I told u B that u are the man 4 the job.I really mean it man.

Well, it's looking more and more like I didn't get the gig. No biggie, really. Unless they're holding out to tell me in three months, I'm pretty certain that I didn't get it.

Good luck man... You already know you were the best that audition.

otan said:

I thought they were doing more auditions? If so, its to early to know. They won't start handing out golden tickets until they have seen everyone. I know this.

THIS dude got called back:
http://www.basicrockoutfi...alWave.mp3

THAT is some frickin rock star voice. He explained about his audition, and HE got called back the next day for a second round of auditions, and went into detail about what happened... signed a contract to shut up about what else happens, the audition was much more in detail than what I did, so, that tells me then that I didn't make it.

UNLESS, like I already said, they saw me and wrote "HE HAS IT!" on the envelope and didn't need any further proof. But seriously, I doubt THAT. I mean sure, I'm the badassest mother on the planet, but, holy crap, listen to that dude's song.

I don't have that range. I have the Beau sound. And I'm fine with that. So, let's just shut up about how I should be fronting INXS and let's move on.

Have you seen the new Beau site?

www.beauhall.com

otan said:

This is nice!
Did you photoshop your eye that shade of blue or is that natural?

Dude's got a good rock range, yeah, but lacking the song writing skills. Nothing really sets this guy apart from about 300 other top 40 sounds out there. (My opinion)

Yes he's good. But we're talking INXS here! A bad ass band that fused funk, pop and rock! A band that creative needs that chemistry with the new front man too.

yamomma said:

I agree with you, but, I'm sure there's a THOUSAND suits talking them into chasing the Matchbox20 crowd.

And hell yeah I photoshopped that thing. That's like 6 layers there.

otan said:

Then again, I could be wrong.

nice new website B.

Stax said:

You could be wrong about what? Me being a definite shoo-in? There's an ongoing debate about what "they" want in their next singer, but it's been said that they don't want somebody who sounds like Michael Hutchence... and, since the dude was my fave singer back in the day, I'm sure I sound more like him than NOT like him, if you know what I mean.

otan said:

Given that they have already called that other guy back, I meant I could be wrong about them not calling anyone back until all the auditions are over (well, it looks like I am wrong). You do kind of have that Hutchence tone, however. That is a compliment, as far as I'm concerned, but I hear what you are saying.
[Edited 1/25/05 23:31pm]