I'm in the process of taking a song from rough crappy demo and moving forward to TRY to really polish it up nice and pretty.

The song is WHATCHAGONNADO. Some of yous might have heard the roughs before. Now, I'm putting together a new take on it, (heh) and looking for input. WHAT would make the song better? Here's the process so far.

1. ROUGH DEMO: www.funkmusician.com/music/w1.mp3
This version was the fist one, where I had lyrics, an idea of the tune, and some chord stucture going.

2. FLUSHED OUT DEMO: www.funkmusician.com/music/w2.mp3
Real Drums, harmonica line, better song structure

3. Latest total remake: www.funkmusician.com/music/w3.mp3
I've given up on the harmonica lead because, well, I stink at harmonica. By the way, the screaming stratocaster reminiscent of SRV on David Bowie's "Let's Dance"? It's the variax. This thing is so cool.
[Edited 10/23/04 6:48am]
[Edited 10/23/04 6:51am]

So the 1st version reminds be of Sly with that Casio keyboard and the rawness (or demo-ness) is appealling to me on that level

The second version has the Harmonica riff that I think should be a part of the tune (even if it's not throughout the entire song). You wrote that you suck at the harmonica but it's a riff with delay and it's cool.

The third version is nicely polished and I love the Organ but the harmonies in the beginning seem a little in your face (:53). It seems like the vocals are consistant but it certain parts it sounds like something was added over top or something, a little more in your face than in other parts. The guitars in the background was noticed from the beginning and it's really a nice touch.
Loving the Casio intro and outro with the break down at the end.

Overall, in evey version, your singing makes this tune for me and the chord changes are great as usual.

The guitar sounds great, but I think it was a mistake to leave out that harmonica lead. I'd also like that lead part a little more forward in the mix sometimes (in my face!). Sounds like the bass has dropped out of the mix a lot more in version three also. How about a mix of 2 and 3? And how about someplace in the song you showcase that great lead sound you got? Nice job, man!


ps - did you see the Tele I got?

Harp line from V2 should stay.
Add it to the V3 rhythm track.
It's a hook that sets up the tune much better.
Save the guitar solo for later.

Harp hook again to intro the 2nd verse.
I might even add the harp-line into the 2nd chorus.

Guitar solo.

Harp-line over the chorus-outro spiced with tasty guitar fills if not a fullblown 2nd solo.
I would drive that groove in the chorus-outro to heaven and just fade that bad-boy.

That's how I hear it.

Nice piece.

tA

Tribal Disorder

http://www.soundclick.com...rmusic.htm

Absolutely one of the best songs I've heard lately. I love the harmonica. When I grow up, I'd like to be like you.

Yeah, Everytime I hear the harp, I'm digging the hell out of it, just, maybe not for the solo. I got a cold, the vox are showing it.

And hell yes, I did see the tele you got!

This is definitely an interesting progression. But I favor the demo more than the other 2. You had such a Sly vibe going with the first rendition and I'm always gonna be partial to Sly .

oh man leave the harmonica -- at least at the beginning (and ending) - maybe kill it during the middle parts. I think you nailed the song on the Flushed out demo. I'm not diggin the back up vox on the total remake, the groove isn't as strong on the remake either. It's funny how the little congo drum machine sound adds so much... I like the sound of the second better... Only suggestion is to minimilize the harmonica at certain parts.

Cool song!

theAudience said:

,...what he said

Otan Im glad u back 2 doing it! I thought u said u packin up and leavin us!

Great groove! I also like the harmonica, adds character .

At first i thought it said "WHAT YA GONNAD'S DO"; like; a sex education song..
Yep, i'm off to have a listen.

Review Edit:
I listened to the Soundclick version. I liked your tone vocally, plus some parts of the harp playing i thought were damn succinct, like it was keyboard.Nice swing R&B pop feel, and pleasant foot tappin' tune.As vocals are mixed into the foreground i think you did great!
[Edited 10/24/04 10:22am]
w3 Listened edit:
Yeh evolved from a Culture Club kinda sound to a Real Sound.It's all there.I think just remix the vocals wider, so they're panned out instead of so central.Just my thoughts, who am i to tell you.Plus, give the rhythm guitar more strokes / bar to lift the tempo, to offset the cool slow groove.During the guitar solo dirty it a bit more and get wilder.Geez, so easy to critique, basically fantastic ideas. To my ear and how i think you would like it to be,Vocals more tracks and widen, lift the funk on the rhythm guitar,fluffier; and make your solo "bigger"!Loosen the thing up and expand the sound ,and rockit hard in the middle. Sorry to say so much otan, but great song and those are my thoughts.
[Edited 10/24/04 10:53am]

My vote is definitely revision numba 2
Cool song O
Too bad radio didn't exist anymore

I like V2 the best but, I like the intro of V1 and the beakdown around 4:00 on V3. I like the harmonica lick on V2. The vocal intro with the minimal drum machine thing on V1 was nice. The overall production was cleaner on V3 but almost too clean. It could use some of that snot from your cold to dirty up the vocal a bit. Your voice has great modulation but could use a little stank.

Okay then, so, the concensus (sort of) is:

use the intro from 1
use the harp, keys and drums from 2
use the guitar solos from 3

dang. I KNEW that. I knew that. I just don't have the place to throw up some real drums. I'll get it together. thanks for your time as always.

otan said:

HEY


don't forget that organ from 3 (used in moderation)

I think once you play it live it'll come together!

Hopefully that'll happen this coming weekend. I gotta add a new post about Sunday's gig - some great stuff happened.

otan said:

Listening to this: http://www.funkmusician.c...ic/w3.mp3; i like it a lot !

? You Dropped "Life can be so nice".....LINK ; Voluntarily ?

FLUX said:

oh - yes - I dropped the "So Nice" link voluntarily - no pressure from Purply, just kinda figured, hey, change my sig for awhile.

Okay. Updating this thread. I re-did the song slightly - added a (painful) harmonica and pumped the organ some more. I'm still not entirely happy with the tune, but it IS moving closer to the best of the above three versions.

I would like to hear more intensity in the vocals.

<-----dumbass-not-listening-close enough-to-the-words ----- edit
[Edited 11/23/04 13:22pm]

Slave2daGroove said:

heh, not to bring you down, but actually, the lyrics are to my dead son, so, yeah, there's rage in there, but it's a little more seething Sly than screaming Teddy Pendergrass.

"flowers, makeup and a pretty suit ain't the way I'd like to see you" --> dead, in a coffin.
[Edited 11/23/04 12:30pm]

otan said:

Sorry, I guess I should have listened closer. Bring the seething intensity through with your voice, again, it's a great tune.

It's no biggie. I'm glad the lyrics are broader than "boy loses son". More people will maybe identify it with some skank they used to date, or continue to date but hope that they'll change their evil ways.

It's all funk.

ha, i think this is the piece i tried fooling around with a long time back. Ya u really funked it up. its cool.

Wow!
I don't know how I skipped over this. I think I had it confused with another song thread of yours.

Diggin it a lot Mr. Hall.

It was a couple of weeks ago that i dug out your thread Beau, because I couldn't stop playing Version.3 . Was telling friends to download it, and the link wouldn't work any more, so i hassled people to listen to it when they came over. I feel that there was something going on that was tugging at me , and the lyrics brought up memories from years ago of a friend whom i'd lent money to ( $100 ), to find He'd died partying on it.
That aside and the tragic circumstances which brought you to express this song; i feel the vocals are the best i've heard from you. There's no , let's try to lose a testicle in a Prince-like range, but you kept nicely in your range.The composition has lot's well placed Guitar breaks, a succinct minimal scrape with the Rhythm funk guitar, and as i said i really like it !

P.S. Dumb question: I hit the link to this version , no. 4, and something has downloaded, i.e. A window open with a little red X in the upper left hand corner."right click " =
Properties:SoundClick MP3 File
http://www.tindeck.com/au...nnado4.mp3
4696248 bytes
But where's the downloaded file ?

I dunno - I think that server (Tindeck.com) comes and goes - sometimes it's working great, and then sometimes it's not there.

However, I yanked two of the versions from my site, (the links at the START of this thread) after about two weeks. I was running out of space on my site and had to clear things out. If you want the song back up online, I'll post it over on soundclick or use this Tindeck thing again.

I really love this song and would re-record it a thousand times if only to continue to discover little things about it - ways to say it differently each time, ways to color it. These days I'm going through and just re-hashing old songs left and right, trying to get them polished up for the actual CD release I'm working on.

Thanks for the feedbags and I got more that I'm working on. The only thing i DONT have is time!!!

otan said:

Would be great to have V.3 online . Or whatever you feel is your baby. Then i could start passing the word Downunder. Couldn't hurt to have a fan base in Oz, and i reckon this song might just do it for you

FLUX said:

Ehh - well - I'm liking the latest version now - it'll need a little more tweaking and then I'll be totally happy with it, but that third version is the one with the live drums, and I really dig that version as well.

THAT version is up on the soundclick page:
http://www.soundclick.com...dmusic.htm

Rock the word man. I'm working on putting together a CD over on cafepress - hope to have something available within the next week, but it'll just be a ton of demos for now. Until the new recorder arrives!

otan:




You didn't Variax !... ... Still great though... ... Permutations.
[Edited 11/26/04 10:00am]