its pretty good for a demo
did you do this in one take?
personally i thinbk its a bit naked needs more sounds, but afterall it is a demo

well i like the acoustic intro
that stays
it sounds like a ballad
it would be nice if after the second verse, you incorporated a keyboard
playing lush Chords along with the acoustic guitar
and let that build up for like 20 secs
then just be for the 3rd verse when it gets loud
add some big beats kick drums along with a snare of your choice
doing a standered 2/4 ryhthm
then after the "you can do so much better than me"
add like a strat on mid distortion playing the riff and improvising solo
then you die it down for the next verse
cut the next 2 verses cause its a lil dull and can get anoyying
last thing you need is a long ass song thats going nowhere
incorporate another guitar to the dueling guitars,
finish off with the last verse and end in acoustic
perhaps just repeating a line until fade
"you can do so much better than me" or whatever
or change the tempo, like the ending of house of the rising sun

or just come up with something on your own
thats just stuff i would do lol

I dig this a whole lot

dont shoot a brother here, but...

There's parts of the vocals where you're going all over the place - in and out of the right key. You're not going sharp or flat, you're just hitting a note that doesn't sound like it belongs in there - most of the time, it's during the wavering runs where you're mariah-ing all over the place. (or is that Aguilerring?)

Vox still need work. You shoulda heard them after the first take....ewwww. There's like four separate vocal tracks and four guitar tracks so without bouncing I'm kinda low on tracks. I was trying to work out some kind of cool harmonies, but still need some help. While I like lush harmonies I have a hard time actually singing all of the parts. I believe I'm not Aguilerring, but William Hung-ing.



Second. Cut the drummer off on the coke. The entire song is very laid back except for speedy gonzales on the ride cymbal. I would say go back just play quarter notes, with an occasional extra hit here and there - IMPLY that groove instead of beating it into submission.

There's no drummer just a random pattern on the Zoom drum machine that I thought would fit what I was actually trying to acheive. I'm so afraid that I'll forget the riffs and chord progressions that I spend NO time trying to program the drums for an entire song. (You've listened to the others right? LOL) I thought that I could possibly add the kick and snare through my Korg keyboard to make parts more powerful. It would be different if I actually recorded it with a real drummer.


The oddball bridge is great and just flat out wierd at the same time - so, definitely leave it as is...

This sounds like a great song in a work in progress.
The verses are arranged in good fashion and I can hear what they want to sound like, but they are done very quickly and sketchy.
I dont know what the slowed down voice thing is saying in the background.

If you do remake it, do keep the falcetto and your regular range together because that gives it a nice quiet layout. The bridge can be turned up with lots of guitar going all around.

The drum track needs to be turned up, or just but up to the fore just a lil more...if that's what u like (because I love big pounding drums ).

So this will go down with me as "Dancin Round The Truth" FINISH IT and dont leave it behind like the other classic.

definitely an original song. I can't feel this one. good vocal. very eclectic.

psykosoul said:

Thanks, psyko! Any suggestions for improvement?

VERY COOL TRACK!

Thanks for everyone's comments. I don't remember how I got on Vina's "ignore" list....

artist08 said:

???

I don't know how 2 make this one better. It's not anything that u did wrong, I just did not groove on this one. It was kind of eclectic. Kind of artsy.Don't feel bad , I write some music that I don't even understand but someone else might. Don't let my lack of feeling this one slow your roll. Roll on my friend.

artist08 said:

???

paisleypark4 said:

HEY! Don't be spreadin no rumors about me boy-eee!

I've been kinda busy, you know.. I already splained myself.

OK, This is really really cool. I LOVE the Bridge. I'm trying to pinpoint what this all reminds me of... It's like a combination of a few different band's songs. I hear what Otan is talking about as far as going in and out of key. I think that was happening to me in Red Pepper Bunches... Did you get a chance to listen to that, by the way? Anywho, I really like the concept and the arrangement of this. Very very cool.

Still trying to pinpoint the vibe I'm getting from this. The middle/bridge reminds me of the Pulp Fiction theme song... The acoustic intro is like The Truth and also like Temple of the Dog or something. And your vocal tone quality always kinda leans toward Neil Finn.