In a statement to the press via his NPGMC website, diminutive funkster Prince has officially announced his intentions to file divorce proceedings from reality.

"It's been a really tough and demanding relationship," the statement read, "and sew eye am Xcited 2 sever all ties with reality, and eye ham glad 2 announce that eye now look 4ward 2 a bright and sexy future engaged 2 delusion."

The statement went on to read that he has hired a Magic 8 Ball to be his new publicist, he will be producing the solo debut album of Shirley Hemphill ("eye doo knot care that shee is dead, that is how funky eye yam," said Prince), and that he will be building a massive new structure at his Paisley Park compound to fight off the insidious "poop monsters from Uranus".

More details to come...

hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!

poop monsters from Uranus...hahahahahahahahaha!!!

oh Prince, keeps it coming!

Prince and reality have already been seperated for many years so the divorce was just a technicality.

lovemachine said:

Defnitely. It's kind of nice to see him finally moving things along and accepting the inevitable.

s'like, who's gettin what? prince gets paisley park, or does reality?

alimony's a beeetch.

Handclapsfingasnapz said:

In a brief statement to the press issued just moment ago, reality made the following response to Prince's divorce revelation:

"Prince never understood me anyway. He was always completely removed from me."

To which Prince's publicist, a Magic 8 Ball, appeared shaken up and offered the following response:

"REPLY HAZY...TRY LATER"

Anxiety said:

I'm dying here!

Anxiety said:

I nominate this for funniest thread of the year

MEANWHILE:

http://thesmokinggun.com/...rown1.html

(I swear I didn't know about this when I started this thread. How creepy is that?)

Anxiety said:

p should run one of those ads in the star tribune...

lovemachine said:

Prince had no comment on this development a company spokesperson said "Prince has no intention of having any further contact with reality. He will seclude himself deep inside Paisley Park Studios studying the good book." The spokesperson added that Prince will continue his recording career by recording the much talked about Roadhouse Garden project. The sessions will feature Larry Graham on Lead vocal and all other noises by Kermit the frog.

NPGMC NEWSFLASH

Prince has emailed his 'fams', requesting that they return all emails sent to them via the NPGMC in the past 3 years. These emails must be printed on paper and returned by post.

An assistant to Prince's new Magic 8 Ball publicist said, "These emails r owned and were created by Prince. If he wishes 2 rewrite, or indeed, remaster them, that is his decision."

Paisley Park insiders say that Prince is planning an "Email: The New Masters" as the main selling point of Year 4 of the NPGMC. Remixing will include changing the Hit n Run concert dates that were emailed to members in the early months of the club in 2001. "He believes he can rewrite history, and why not?", another insider commented. "Time is, of course, only a trick. Who's to say he really performed on those dates anyway?"

In response to these rumours, the Magic 8 Ball stated, "Nothing is what it seems."

Reality was heard to comment, "I think any chance of Prince rejoining me have just been ruled out."

leecaldon said:

leecaldon said:

Tee...hee...hee

leecaldon said:

Did you know I snort when I laugh?

Well, now most of my co-workers know this about me...

leecaldon said:

Bravo! Prince's stupidity has sure sparked some very funny posts and threads.

ohhh it's hurts I'm laughin so hard!

Man, this is sick!

Where do you get all that from?

lovemachine said:

my take on this whole issue is not that prince is 'stupid', but that he genuinely needs our help.

true, we've received some odd emails from the NPGMC in the past, but i believe this one is legit.

please help him if you can

XxAxX said:

Is Prince (The Millionaire) going to ensure we are paid for this work you ask us to do?

but this really isn't about money, from our perspective. it's about allowing WB to call the shots at the expense of the artist. if they really did what the NPGMC alleges they did, then artists everywhere will suffer, and thereby consumers will suffer too.

so it's about the principle of the thing. (ok, and the money too) but mostly the principle. WB shouldn't be allowed to dodge out of an agreement by distributing material through unauthorized channels, in foreign countries, by way of an affiliated corporate entity. especially when they forced prince to stick to his end of the agreement.

if he'd been able to do what they've (allegedly) done, then he could have released stuff independently under the symbol name while still under contract with WB.

XxAxX said:

Why can't NPGMC make such points as intelligently as you?

Anxiety said:

She is making a HUGE leap in saying that Warner Brothers distributed those albums through unauthorized channels. We have no proof of that and WEA is certainly a part of the WB.

Does that mean Mayte was the Reality?

Savannah said:

Actually, I heard that reality made Mayte break up with Prince. Homewrecker!!!