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Thread started 02/19/20 3:29am

Pokeno4Money

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Daddys who leave their children


Branching out the subject of fathers and parenting in the other thread, how much of an impact does a father have when he leaves his children and how should the situation be explained to the children left behind?

First and foremost, when somebody voluntarily decides to leave it's THEIR CHOICE to do so. What they are saying is those left behind aren't that important to them, obviously. They'd rather have the freedom to do whatever the hell they want instead of stay with those they decided to leave behind.

Should the children left behind be told this? Yes, I think so. We hear all the time the sob story excuses given for those that leave. They try to gather sympathy by making themselves out to be some kind of victim. "Oh the pressure was too much, the stress, the responsibility" blah blah blah.

Fact is, their CHOICE to leave was an immature response to a situation they didn't like because they could no longer get their way and do whatever the hell they wanted to do. Did they think about how their life would change with the added responsibilities of fatherhood when they conceived the kids? Nope. But again, you either man up and accept the hand you've been dealt or you make an immature childish decision to leave because having your own way and being able to do whatever the hell you want is more important than the people you left behind.

I think children need to be told this, they need to understand Daddy isn't the good guy they thought he was. So hopefully the children won't grow up and make the same selfish immature decision their Daddy made.

Thoughts?

"Never let nasty stalkers disrespect you. They start shit, you finish it. Go down to their level, that's the only way they'll understand. You have to handle things yourself."
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Reply #1 posted 02/19/20 6:00am

EmmaMcG

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I never knew my father. He left before I was born. My older sister is only 2 years older than me and she doesn't remember a time when he was around. It was never a case of our mother telling us anything. We kind of figured that out for ourselves that he was/is a prick. Why else would he walk out and leave a woman alone to raise a two year old, along with an unborn child, alone? So I don't think it's a case of telling children the situation, they will figure it out themselves in time. Having said that, my mother never shied away from telling us what kind of scumbag he was 😂.
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Reply #2 posted 02/19/20 6:26am

Pokeno4Money

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Wow Emma, I'm sorry to hear. But I'm glad your Mom didn't try to hide the truth about him. I'm guessing you've never had a desire to meet him, which is quite understandable.

"Never let nasty stalkers disrespect you. They start shit, you finish it. Go down to their level, that's the only way they'll understand. You have to handle things yourself."
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Reply #3 posted 02/19/20 8:25am

EmmaMcG

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Pokeno4Money said:

Wow Emma, I'm sorry to hear. But I'm glad your Mom didn't try to hide the truth about him. I'm guessing you've never had a desire to meet him, which is quite understandable.



To be honest, it was probably for the best. My mother moved on and had 2 more kids with another guy. So I got a brother and another sister I mightn't have gotten had my father stayed around. Besides, my father was/is a card carrying member of the IRA so that's definitely not the kind of influence that would have done me any good.

I honestly don't know if he's even still alive. I know his name and I could take a decent guess that he'd be around 50 years old by now. I know he was a few years older than my mother and if she was still alive she'd be 48 this year. My sister has a picture of him but I've never seen it. I just don't have any interest. He's a stranger to me. I don't hate him. I'm indifferent towards him.
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Reply #4 posted 02/19/20 9:34am

djThunderfunk

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As a father who fought for and won custody of my daughter, I cannot even begin to understand how a man could walk away from his children. The reasons to leave a spouse are endless... but abandoning a child is unforgivable.

That said, part of the problem is with the system which does not treat the mother and father equally. Divorce and custody are one area where a woman has the advantage(s) in our society. It's not easy for a father to get joint custody much less full custody. The court system is quick to disregard a father's rights as a parent. It can be an uphill battle for a divorced father to be present at all in his child's life, much less have any parental control or decision making.

That said, I'll never understand the fathers that don't try or give up in the face of the systematic obstacles. I didn't have to choose to fight for my daughter, there was no other option. My "choice" to do so must have been pre-programmed into my DNA, because that's the only "option" that I ever considered.

Sorry if my response is merely topic-adjacent and not what you're going for here. But this is where I'm coming from on this issue. wink



[Edited 2/19/20 9:35am]

Based upon limited in-vitro and anecdotal data, chloroquine or hydroxychloroquine are currently recommended for treatment of hospitalized COVID-19 patients in several countries.
https://www.cdc.gov/coron...tions.html
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Reply #5 posted 02/19/20 10:06am

2freaky4church
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I know this guy, he left all his kids because his wife cheated on him.

All you others say Hell Yea!! woot!
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Reply #6 posted 02/19/20 10:31am

djThunderfunk

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2freaky4church1 said:

I know this guy, he left all his kids because his wife cheated on him.


Happens all the time, unfortunately. That's why I left my first wife, not a reason to leave my daughter though. This guy you know, is he aware he's a scumbag?

Based upon limited in-vitro and anecdotal data, chloroquine or hydroxychloroquine are currently recommended for treatment of hospitalized COVID-19 patients in several countries.
https://www.cdc.gov/coron...tions.html
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Reply #7 posted 02/19/20 10:33am

2freaky4church
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He's really cultic about religion. lol

All you others say Hell Yea!! woot!
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Reply #8 posted 02/19/20 10:43am

djThunderfunk

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2freaky4church1 said:

He's really cultic about religion. lol


What does that mean, he's VERY religious? If so, he fails at that, too. Most religions promote responsible parenting (from their own point of view, of course).





Based upon limited in-vitro and anecdotal data, chloroquine or hydroxychloroquine are currently recommended for treatment of hospitalized COVID-19 patients in several countries.
https://www.cdc.gov/coron...tions.html
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Reply #9 posted 02/19/20 11:05am

liljojo

Fathers who do this cause daughters to have a underline hate sub-consciously and sons who grow up hating they're the same gender as him and lost of masculinity unless they are blessed with a great man in their life. But even though you leave the child wondering why you don't want them. They didn't do anything to you, why aren't they good enough. It's a hurt and pain that causes childhood trauma because a father is that important in his children life.


No matter how much the child say they hate or will never be around their dad, as soon as they see him and get pass the anger and bitterness they try to make up with them, and then there's a sense of completion. That's why it's important to stop praising single mother situations because it's bringing on the ideal that the children responsibility belong to the women only and that's not true. The woman can only do so much with the children, I don't care what the hell the media and female groups tell you. It's two parent homes struggling to take care their children, so all this single parent stuff need to stop. If you're not ready to be a parent don't skeet in a female.

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Reply #10 posted 02/19/20 11:56am

2freaky4church
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I'm trying to be nice. He's kinda nutty lol

All you others say Hell Yea!! woot!
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Reply #11 posted 02/19/20 1:41pm

Pokeno4Money

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EmmaMcG said:

To be honest, it was probably for the best. My mother moved on and had 2 more kids with another guy. So I got a brother and another sister I mightn't have gotten had my father stayed around. Besides, my father was/is a card carrying member of the IRA so that's definitely not the kind of influence that would have done me any good. I honestly don't know if he's even still alive. I know his name and I could take a decent guess that he'd be around 50 years old by now. I know he was a few years older than my mother and if she was still alive she'd be 48 this year. My sister has a picture of him but I've never seen it. I just don't have any interest. He's a stranger to me. I don't hate him. I'm indifferent towards him.


Sounds like you took the best approach with him. He's not worth hating, and of course hate is self-destructive anyway.

I know everyone who has been in your situation is different. Some want to know about and meet their birth father, some don't. They all have valid reasons for how they feel.


IRA, wow! I remember all the stories of them when I was growing up.

"Never let nasty stalkers disrespect you. They start shit, you finish it. Go down to their level, that's the only way they'll understand. You have to handle things yourself."
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Reply #12 posted 02/19/20 3:28pm

uPtoWnNY

djThunderfunk said:

As a father who fought for and won custody of my daughter, I cannot even begin to understand how a man could walk away from his children. The reasons to leave a spouse are endless... but abandoning a child is unforgivable.

Unfortunately, there's nothing to prevent folks who shouldn't be parents from having kids.

I realised a long time ago that lifestyle (marriage & fatherhood) wasn't for me....too much work/responsibility & too expensive. My maternal grandmother would say, what's wrong with you? biggrin

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Reply #13 posted 02/19/20 3:50pm

Pokeno4Money

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uPtoWnNY said:

I realised a long time ago that lifestyle (marriage & fatherhood) wasn't for me....too much work/responsibility & too expensive. My maternal grandmother would say, what's wrong with you? biggrin


I know, right? In families it's so common for relatives - usually the mother or grandmother - to pressure us into getting married and having kids, and they somehow think there's "something wrong" when we don't. Why can't they just accept the fact it's not for everyone? So many divorces and f'ed up kids have resulted from people being pressured and shamed into doing what they didn't want to do. And believe me, kids know when they weren't wanted. They can sense it from a very young age.

"Never let nasty stalkers disrespect you. They start shit, you finish it. Go down to their level, that's the only way they'll understand. You have to handle things yourself."
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Reply #14 posted 02/19/20 4:31pm

liljojo

Pokeno4Money said:

uPtoWnNY said:

I realised a long time ago that lifestyle (marriage & fatherhood) wasn't for me....too much work/responsibility & too expensive. My maternal grandmother would say, what's wrong with you? biggrin


I know, right? In families it's so common for relatives - usually the mother or grandmother - to pressure us into getting married and having kids, and they somehow think there's "something wrong" when we don't. Why can't they just accept the fact it's not for everyone? So many divorces and f'ed up kids have resulted from people being pressured and shamed into doing what they didn't want to do. And believe me, kids know when they weren't wanted. They can sense it from a very young age.




Add that with I myself feel I can't trust the majority of people, I know it's good people out here but with all these issues in western society you don't know who you can trust anymore or what people morals are. So being alone in peace just seem more beneficial, less stressful, and easier. I believe if people knew it was a healthy society out here that wasn't a greed and lustful driven society family might be considered. But when you make marriage into a business partner contract under the court house, promote harlotry, and never seperate the criminals from the good citizens, along with the cost living and pay wage having a huge gap it turns people away.

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Reply #15 posted 02/19/20 4:46pm

RJP1205

I work in the the Dept.of Social Services on the same floor as child and family services and they have a saying that I've heard more than once direct from the workers seeing things firsthand: All the good and bad in this world is a direct result of how parents treat their children. I don't think most people realize just how critical the parent/child relationship is to all critical areas of a child's development. There is no substitute for that bond and irreversible damage is done by absent parents.
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Reply #16 posted 02/19/20 4:53pm

Pokeno4Money

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RJP1205 said:

I work in the the Dept.of Social Services on the same floor as child and family services and they have a saying that I've heard more than once direct from the workers seeing things firsthand: All the good and bad in this world is a direct result of how parents treat their children. I don't think most people realize just how critical the parent/child relationship is to all critical areas of a child's development. There is no substitute for that bond and irreversible damage is done by absent parents.


Co-sign.

Sooo much of who we are and how we behave as adults can be traced back to childhood.

Think of it as a house, and our childhood is the foundation.

If our life is built on a weak foundation, the entire house will always be unstable.

"Never let nasty stalkers disrespect you. They start shit, you finish it. Go down to their level, that's the only way they'll understand. You have to handle things yourself."
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Reply #17 posted 02/19/20 8:46pm

13cjk13

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Pokeno4Money said:

RJP1205 said:

I work in the the Dept.of Social Services on the same floor as child and family services and they have a saying that I've heard more than once direct from the workers seeing things firsthand: All the good and bad in this world is a direct result of how parents treat their children. I don't think most people realize just how critical the parent/child relationship is to all critical areas of a child's development. There is no substitute for that bond and irreversible damage is done by absent parents.


Co-sign.

Sooo much of who we are and how we behave as adults can be traced back to childhood.

Think of it as a house, and our childhood is the foundation.

If our life is built on a weak foundation, the entire house will always be unstable.

Hence the cunt in the white house.

"If we had had confidence the president clearly did not commit a crime, we would have said so."
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Reply #18 posted 02/19/20 11:14pm

Pokeno4Money

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djThunderfunk said:

As a father who fought for and won custody of my daughter, I cannot even begin to understand how a man could walk away from his children. The reasons to leave a spouse are endless... but abandoning a child is unforgivable.

That said, part of the problem is with the system which does not treat the mother and father equally. Divorce and custody are one area where a woman has the advantage(s) in our society. It's not easy for a father to get joint custody much less full custody. The court system is quick to disregard a father's rights as a parent. It can be an uphill battle for a divorced father to be present at all in his child's life, much less have any parental control or decision making.

That said, I'll never understand the fathers that don't try or give up in the face of the systematic obstacles. I didn't have to choose to fight for my daughter, there was no other option. My "choice" to do so must have been pre-programmed into my DNA, because that's the only "option" that I ever considered.

Sorry if my response is merely topic-adjacent and not what you're going for here. But this is where I'm coming from on this issue. wink


Thanks, I appreciate your response! And I completely agree with you. I often wonder why women have the advantage in divorce and custody battles. Is it sexism carried over from many decades ago, when not nearly as many women were in the workforce? Once the child is no longer being breastfed, I don't see anything else the woman can provide that the man can't which would make the child "better off" with the mother.

Yes once you're a parent, the top priority should become the child ... nurturing, protecting and raising. There should never be a reason for the father to leave forever. Even if the father has personal issues like addiction, they should go deal with it ... and then return after they have.

"Never let nasty stalkers disrespect you. They start shit, you finish it. Go down to their level, that's the only way they'll understand. You have to handle things yourself."
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Reply #19 posted 02/19/20 11:17pm

guitarslinger4
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uPtoWnNY said:

djThunderfunk said:

As a father who fought for and won custody of my daughter, I cannot even begin to understand how a man could walk away from his children. The reasons to leave a spouse are endless... but abandoning a child is unforgivable.

Unfortunately, there's nothing to prevent folks who shouldn't be parents from having kids.

I realised a long time ago that lifestyle (marriage & fatherhood) wasn't for me....too much work/responsibility & too expensive. My maternal grandmother would say, what's wrong with you? biggrin


It's some communist shit, but I think people should have to have a license to have kids. You need a license, to drive, get married, go fishing, but having kids is arguably more important than all of those things.

The only thing I never really worked out a solution to was if people had an accident. In China they would demolish your house if you had more than 1 child, but that's not a real solution.

I think it's pretty big of you to be honest enough with yourself that you arent interested in being married or a father. Most people don't have the balls, good on you.

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Reply #20 posted 02/19/20 11:23pm

Pokeno4Money

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guitarslinger44 said:

It's some communist shit, but I think people should have to have a license to have kids. You need a license, to drive, get married, go fishing, but having kids is arguably more important than all of those things.


This is really weird, I just wrote something similar a minute ago in the other parenting thread before I ever read your post above. Great minds!

"Never let nasty stalkers disrespect you. They start shit, you finish it. Go down to their level, that's the only way they'll understand. You have to handle things yourself."
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Reply #21 posted 02/20/20 7:47am

2freaky4church
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Everything is communist shit unless it is your communism.

All you others say Hell Yea!! woot!
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Reply #22 posted 02/20/20 9:40am

Pokeno4Money

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2freaky4church1 said:

Everything is communist shit unless it is your communism.


When did you have your communion, Freaky?

Or are you 2freaky4holywater? lol

"Never let nasty stalkers disrespect you. They start shit, you finish it. Go down to their level, that's the only way they'll understand. You have to handle things yourself."
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Reply #23 posted 02/20/20 9:42am

2freaky4church
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Don't mock the holy communion.

All you others say Hell Yea!! woot!
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Reply #24 posted 02/20/20 10:12am

Pokeno4Money

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2freaky4church1 said:

Don't mock the holy communion.


Meet you at the Holy River.

"Never let nasty stalkers disrespect you. They start shit, you finish it. Go down to their level, that's the only way they'll understand. You have to handle things yourself."
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Reply #25 posted 02/20/20 11:32am

guitarslinger4
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Pokeno4Money said:

guitarslinger44 said:

It's some communist shit, but I think people should have to have a license to have kids. You need a license, to drive, get married, go fishing, but having kids is arguably more important than all of those things.


This is really weird, I just wrote something similar a minute ago in the other parenting thread before I ever read your post above. Great minds!


biggrin

It something I don't know would actually work, but again, having kids is an arguably more important thing than any of those other things i mentioned that require a license and yet we let anyone who wants to do it just because they can.

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Reply #26 posted 02/20/20 11:46am

Pokeno4Money

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guitarslinger44 said:

biggrin

It something I don't know would actually work, but again, having kids is an arguably more important thing than any of those other things i mentioned that require a license and yet we let anyone who wants to do it just because they can.


Yeah in theory it's a good idea, but it would be VERY difficult to enforce. Obviously the gov can't prevent people from having kids. And how could they force new parents to take parenting classes and prove they have what it takes to raise kids? It's not like the gov can take away handouts that help support the children, nor could they take away the children.

"Never let nasty stalkers disrespect you. They start shit, you finish it. Go down to their level, that's the only way they'll understand. You have to handle things yourself."
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Reply #27 posted 02/20/20 11:48am

2freaky4church
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Blame the Republicans who went after child care experts like Benjamin Spock.

All you others say Hell Yea!! woot!
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Reply #28 posted 02/20/20 12:00pm

Pokeno4Money

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2freaky4church1 said:

child care experts like Benjamin Spock.


Freaky I hope you continue to Live Well and Prosper under Trump!

Image result for live well and prosper

"Never let nasty stalkers disrespect you. They start shit, you finish it. Go down to their level, that's the only way they'll understand. You have to handle things yourself."
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Reply #29 posted 02/20/20 12:16pm

2freaky4church
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https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Common_Sense_Book_of_Baby_and_Child_Care

All you others say Hell Yea!! woot!
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