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Thread started 08/18/10 10:07pm

ernestsewell

Relationships Outside Of Your "Race"

I just hate the term "race" in any fashion when it relates to people's origins. For the sake of argument, I'm using it here.

How many of you fine folks have been, or are in, an interracial relationship? Was it a plus, or minus for you? If it's a minus, I'm totally assuming that doesn't mean it was a minus based on race, but rather two people not clicking, but did it effect your views on interracial dating later? Did you have something in the back of your head to keep you away from doing it again?

What kind of confrontations, looks, fights, discussions, etc have you experienced personally about your relationship at the time? Were you ever confronted directly about being w/ someone of a different race? Have you been harassed? Do you have friends that were/are in interracial relationships? Did you find support w/ them, or no? Did you even need support (meaning, if you did, was it because you were new to the idea and had been harassed, etc)?

I'm quite interested to hear your personal experiences. I've only 'been with' a black woman once, and a black guy once, but it was a sexual thing. That list also includes a couple of Latino men, and an Asian man. My curiosity doesn't just extend to black/white relationships. It goes for white/latino, black/latino, asian/black - whatever combination is yours.

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Reply #1 posted 08/18/10 10:16pm

bboy87

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I live in California so it's common lol ESPECIALLY in my family

"We may deify or demonize them but not ignore them. And we call them genius, because they are the people who change the world."
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Reply #2 posted 08/18/10 10:22pm

FauxReal

I've never dated inside my race(s) and my experience is limited. I'm black and white. Each of my two experiences were Hispanic women. Some people would argue that essentially I'm the same race as them since Puerto Ricans are mixed for the most part.

In each case, race never really caused any problems within the respective families or otherwise. There were some customs I had to get used to, like being fed 3 times more food than I needed in one meal, but none that made me second guess what was going on.

I never really got to ask my mother this, but I often wonder what she dealt with when she decided to marry my father. Coming from Northeastern Wisconsin which is heavily Caucasian (and from my experience not short on racists at all, which is not to suggest all Caucasians or Wisconsinites are racist, but in that area, it's not uncommon), I can imagine she got her share of looks perhaps when she went back there. I got racial comments thrown my way in the 90s when I lived there and I would imagine that race relations would have improved if anything a decade and a half later. So for her, the first in her family to marry outside of her race, I do wonder if there were any negative sentiments toward her decision, spoken or not.

Back to my own experiences, having two relationships that ultimately didn't work out did not change my view on interracial dating/marriage. I would do it again if someone outside my race catches my eye again one day.

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Reply #3 posted 08/18/10 10:22pm

ZombieKitten

Amongst my friends, it seems the done thing actually.

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Reply #4 posted 08/18/10 10:27pm

KingBAD

sence my youngest is bi-racial

we'll always have an inter-racial relationship

but then it's well within my race isn't it...

i am KING BAD!!!
you are NOT...
evilking
"KingBAD, well you are just a troll" (an emotional fan)
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Reply #5 posted 08/18/10 10:51pm

Serious

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I am in a relationship with a black man and apart from always being stared at whereever we go there have not been any problems about race yet apart form 2 or 3 stupid comments. I am very sure we will have to face them some day though as neither in his country nor in mine black/white relationships are very common.

With a very special thank you to Tina: Is hammer already absolute, how much some people verändern...ICH hope is never so I will be! And if, then I hope that I would then have wen in my environment who joins me in the A....
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Reply #6 posted 08/18/10 11:00pm

JustErin

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My really serious long term boyfriend was bi-racial, the other non-white dudes I have been involved with were black, east indian, middle eastern, latino...I have never, ever had to deal with any issues because of an interracial relationship - and certainly not from my family (my dad is mixed race).

Where I live, it's so racially diverse interracial couples are everywhere.

Oh wait, I lie....the only time I was ever harassed was by a group of black girls who called me "white trash" because they simply saw me with a black guy (that I was dating)...but that was years ago in another smaller city. shrug

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Reply #7 posted 08/18/10 11:06pm

johnart

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JustErin said:

My really serious long term boyfriend was bi-racial, the other non-white dudes I have been involved with were black, east indian, middle eastern, latino...I have never, ever had to deal with any issues because of an interracial relationship - and certainly not from my family (my dad is mixed race).

Where I live, it's so racially diverse interracial couples are everywhere.

Oh wait, I lie....the only time I was ever harassed was by a group of black girls who called me "white trash" because they simply saw me with a black guy (that I was dating)...but that was years ago in another smaller city. shrug

Did you correct them? It's SUCCUBUS BITCH, bitches!!! flipped off

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Reply #8 posted 08/18/10 11:07pm

JustErin

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johnart said:

JustErin said:

My really serious long term boyfriend was bi-racial, the other non-white dudes I have been involved with were black, east indian, middle eastern, latino...I have never, ever had to deal with any issues because of an interracial relationship - and certainly not from my family (my dad is mixed race).

Where I live, it's so racially diverse interracial couples are everywhere.

Oh wait, I lie....the only time I was ever harassed was by a group of black girls who called me "white trash" because they simply saw me with a black guy (that I was dating)...but that was years ago in another smaller city. shrug

Did you correct them? It's SUCCUBUS BITCH, bitches!!! flipped off

lol

I ignored them...that always pisses people off more.

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Reply #9 posted 08/18/10 11:10pm

johnart

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JustErin said:

johnart said:

Did you correct them? It's SUCCUBUS BITCH, bitches!!! flipped off

lol

I ignored them...that always pisses people off more.

cool

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Reply #10 posted 08/18/10 11:13pm

JustErin

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johnart said:

JustErin said:

lol

I ignored them...that always pisses people off more.

cool

And believe it or not, I have never been a scrapper. I've never been in a physical fight in my life. I have had my fair share of chicks that wanted to kick my ass but somehow I always seemed to get out of those situations untouched.

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Reply #11 posted 08/18/10 11:15pm

ThreadCula

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Race has never been an issue with me. When I date someone,it just happens.

The first guy I ever dated was Italian.

My first serious boyfriend was white. We were together for 7 years. It was never a big deal. Our families were cool with it. Actually he never thought about it all until...

One day we were driving and an older white couple in the car next to us almost got into a car accident because they were staring at us so hard. From that day on I think it bothered him a little. He took notice of when people stared. I didnt care.

We were in the elavator at my dentist office and a black guy flirted with me right in front of him. He didnt realize I was with the white guy standing next to me.

A black man confronted me once. He thought I was with my "white boy" because he had money and I was with him just because he's white. Wrong!

I didnt date him strictly because he was white. I was attracted to him because he was charming and romantic. We just clicked.

There were uncomfortable moments. At his sisters bacholerette party,I was very uncomfortable. I was stranded in a room full of drunk white rednecks in country bar.

After our breakup I only dated black men. I was approached by white men. But none I really clicked with.

Today I'm happily in love with a black man. Hopefully my dating days are over. He's a keeper.

"Nobody makes me bleed my own blood...NOBODY!"
johnart says: "I'm THE shit"
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Reply #12 posted 08/19/10 3:29am

MIGUELGOMEZ

It's not an issue for me. I've had al the color of the rainbow and I've learned a lot.
MyeternalgrattitudetoPhil&Val.Herman said "We want sweaty truckers at the truck stop! We want cigar puffing men that look like they wanna beat the living daylights out of us" Val"sporking is spooning with benefits"
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Reply #13 posted 08/19/10 3:30am

ZombieKitten

MIGUELGOMEZ said:

It's not an issue for me. I've had al the color of the rainbow and I've learned a lot.

even blue?

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Reply #14 posted 08/19/10 3:52am

Fenwick

ZombieKitten said:

MIGUELGOMEZ said:

It's not an issue for me. I've had al the color of the rainbow and I've learned a lot.

even blue?

smile

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Reply #15 posted 08/19/10 4:00am

purplehippieon
the1

I haven't dated or slept with a girl outside of my race, but I certainly wouldn't mind it.smile

In my country the most common type of interracial relationship is an Asian woman with a white man and usually the women come from either Thailand or The Philippines.

In my group of friends, there are still only two examples of interracial relationships: One of my friends, who is Thai, has a Norwegian (white) wife and one of my female friends, who is half Icelandic/half Japanese, has an Icelandic (white) husband.

Not too many years ago, some people here would assume if they saw a local guy with an Asian woman, especially if he was middle-aged and not very attractive, that he ordered his woman from a catalog. I think people are more used to interracial relationships now so these kind of ignorant assumptions are not as common today.

But if I would get any negative comments if I dated outside my race, I think it would rather be from women (white women that is) than men.

I say this because I remember working once with a girl around my age (who is white) and we were discussing which celebrities are hot. I mentioned that I found Halle Berry very sexy and she immediately said that I wouldn't want to go down on a black woman, because she thought black females' vaginas looked "like roast beef". disbelief

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Reply #16 posted 08/19/10 4:11am

Fenwick

My ex wife is black and I am white. It was the first serious interracial relationship either of us had ever been in, and I learned a lot from it.

Strictly speaking to the interracial aspect of it, most of the time it was absolutely beautiful. Two people from vastly different backgrounds learning about each other's upbringing and how it shaped us/our families. Being from middle class suburbia in the Boston area where there was a grand total of ONE black student in my graduating class of 400, it was quite strange to meet someone who more or less grew up on a dirt road in Louisianna. (Not implying her family was dirt poor by any stretch, just the difference of our upbringing).

Anyway, to Threadcula's point, 100% of the "issues" that came up race wise had to do with the world around us. No matter how free/accepting/tolerant you are as a person, when you're with the only white person in a club that has approximately three to four hundred black people in it, you're gonna catch quite a few stares, glances, sneers etc etc... We just learned to deal with it. Truthfully, it was never that bad. I think it was just so different for a lot of folks, that they couldn't help but stare/process. It's funny how jarring it is at first, but then how quickly you learn to live with it.

Not wanting to dive into why the relationship didn't work, I will say it truly had nothing to do with our race. I think we both probably derived a little pride from the fact that we didn't let something as petty and insignifcant as skin color get in the way of our getting to know each other. And to answer your question about did the experience change the way I view those kind of things my answer is 100% no. I kind of view that question in the same vein I do your thread about kindness. If you get burned for being kind, do you turn into an ass, or do you learn from it and continue to be the person you want to be every day?

I would do it again in a New York Minute.

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Reply #17 posted 08/19/10 6:19am

connorhawke

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We've never had an issue with it, and previously I've been with men of various 'races': caucasian, melanesian, south asian, east asian....I never really had any problems with it, nor experienced anything bad about it.

But then again I live in Sydney where it's just so commonplace that you'd never hear anything against it. And if you did it'd be a hell of a surprise. shrug

I don't understand the hangup on it, really.

"...and If all of this Love Talk ends with Prince getting married to someone other than me, all I would like to do is give Prince a life size Purple Fabric Cloud Guitar that I made from a vintage bedspread that I used as a Christmas Tree Skirt." Tame, Feb
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Reply #18 posted 08/19/10 6:55am

NMuzakNSoul

No problem. I love everybody (and they love me) cool

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Reply #19 posted 08/19/10 7:03am

sexyAuntyFuka

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I do not.. DO NOT discriminate when it come to a piece of ass

I am like Captain JT Kirk of the starship enterprise... I care about the shape and don't give a fuck bout' the colour...hell, I'd fucka green bitch neutral

Wake up children, dance the dance electric... there isn't much time.... who farted? whofarted ...was it u? disbelief
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Reply #20 posted 08/19/10 7:04am

sexyAuntyFuka

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connorhawke said:

We've never had an issue with it, and previously I've been with men of various 'races': caucasian, melanesian, south asian, east asian....I never really had any problems with it, nor experienced anything bad about it.

But then again I live in Sydney where it's just so commonplace that you'd never hear anything against it. And if you did it'd be a hell of a surprise. shrug

I don't understand the hangup on it, really.

Ever been with an Aboriginie? neutral

Wake up children, dance the dance electric... there isn't much time.... who farted? whofarted ...was it u? disbelief
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Reply #21 posted 08/19/10 7:05am

MIGUELGOMEZ

ZombieKitten said:

MIGUELGOMEZ said:

It's not an issue for me. I've had al the color of the rainbow and I've learned a lot.

even blue?

No, but he's cute! heehee.

MyeternalgrattitudetoPhil&Val.Herman said "We want sweaty truckers at the truck stop! We want cigar puffing men that look like they wanna beat the living daylights out of us" Val"sporking is spooning with benefits"
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Reply #22 posted 08/19/10 7:07am

XxAxX

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i've dated outside my race. no problem there. BUT i draw the line at guys from other species hmph!

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Reply #23 posted 08/19/10 7:12am

sexyAuntyFuka

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XxAxX said:

i've dated outside my race. no problem there. BUT i draw the line at guys from other species hmph!

Counts me out then... I'm part donkey pimp

Wake up children, dance the dance electric... there isn't much time.... who farted? whofarted ...was it u? disbelief
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Reply #24 posted 08/19/10 7:15am

XxAxX

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sexyAuntyFuka said:

XxAxX said:

i've dated outside my race. no problem there. BUT i draw the line at guys from other species hmph!

Counts me out then... I'm part donkey pimp

falloff

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Reply #25 posted 08/19/10 7:34am

paisleypark4

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ernestsewell said:

I just hate the term "race" in any fashion when it relates to people's origins. For the sake of argument, I'm using it here.

are in, an interracial relationship?

Me! Right now I am..three years now..He is Native American and Norwegian.

Was it a plus, or minus for you?

A big plus. He was one of the first guys I ever had a crush on when I was a kid.

What kind of confrontations, looks, fights, discussions, etc have you experienced personally about your relationship at the time?

Man I have had to confront all types of white people saying ni**er freely as if I am not in the room (in a respectful educated manner), I have had to hold back on being angry at being stereotyped when I never gave them any reason to be so; and never bringing their race into any subject. Being called 'white' also just because I stay educated and smart gets on my nerves too. I had almost got into it about that too.

Were you ever confronted directly about being w/ someone of a different race?

Yes ..mostly by other african amreicans. They ask me did I just like "white guys now?" But after I explain the story of how we met they change their minds. They actually get along with it fine.

Have you been harassed?

No, just looked at.

Do you have friends that were/are in interracial relationships?

Yeah, most of my family are mixed and so I see it all the time, plus my partners family have black husbands, and one philipino.

Did you find support w/ them, or no?

No. Not much, they don't talk about it. My partners aunts just like black guys alot I guess...and my partners mom even has a black boyfriend. My boy never really got into black guys, but ever since he been with me..he has been obsesed with T.I. and other black guys too lol!

Did you even need support (meaning, if you did, was it because you were new to the idea and had been harassed, etc)?

Sometimes..my partner stood up for me in the beginning between his friends and me on racial tension because I would explode on them...but now Im calm and collected about it ...

I'm quite interested to hear your personal experiences. I've only 'been with' a black woman once, and a black guy once, but it was a sexual thing. That list also includes a couple of Latino men, and an Asian man. My curiosity doesn't just extend to black/white relationships. It goes for white/latino, black/latino, asian/black - whatever combination is yours.

It is definitley a learning experience for me. I have to deal with things I never thought I would have to. Not that it is hard; however finding the right balance between us can be SOMEtimes tricky i.e. music to listen to...conversations about black history or r&b music / movies is hard when I have no support. I am glad that I can teach people about being African American in a smart way and take away their judgments on being my race.

Download all the shit hop that you can for your kids, neices, nephews, and their friends also. That will prevent them from going out and buying it and will prevent some shit hop sales. Every little bit helps - Andy
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pagemus
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Reply #26 posted 08/19/10 7:37am

uPtoWnNY

Dated hispanic and asian women. Never had a problem, but my last girlfriend(who was Puerto-Rican) told me she overheard nasty comments from some black women. I was like, please. As long as those pathetic losers don't say it to my face, they can think what they want.

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Reply #27 posted 08/19/10 7:45am

SHOCKADELICA1

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purplehippieonthe1 said:

I say this because I remember working once with a girl around my age (who is white) and we were discussing which celebrities are hot. I mentioned that I found Halle Berry very sexy and she immediately said that I wouldn't want to go down on a black woman, because she thought black females' vaginas looked "like roast beef". disbelief

falloff Wow...well Roast beef is juicy and delicious, so I don't care if mine looks like that! foodnow

Anyhoo.....have I dated outside my race? No. Had sex with? YES!!! nod

I've yet to have a full fledged relationship with anyone outside my race and I welcome the opportunity.....

"Bring friends, bring your children and bring foot spray 'cause it's gon' be funky." ~ Prince

A kiss on the lips, is betta than a knife in the back ~ Sheila E

Darkness isn't the absence of light, it's the absence of U ~ Prince
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Reply #28 posted 08/19/10 7:45am

CarrieMpls

Ex-Moderator

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My first serious boyfriend was latino. Never caused an issue for either of us.

I dated a black man a few years ago, though it never reached the “serious” stage. It was more of an issue for him than me. He’d make off-hand comments about what people thought when they saw us together, though we never encountered so much as an overt stare, let alone a shady look or comment. It actually was a big part of what turned me off of him.

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Reply #29 posted 08/19/10 8:39am

paintedlady

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I will not date in my race since I don't know who 2/3 of my family is.

I prefer African American men, because of culture .... even though I dated all types of black men.

I always wanted to date a white man... never did... come to think of it I was never appraoched by an Asian guy either... shrug

My mother always gave me crap about dating and loving balck men, until I told her that I didn't know who my cousins were... then she backed off. lol She understands now.

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