We split but we've stayed friends. It's all been cool but the last time we met face to face sexual things happened and I started to wonder if I still had feelings for her. I even expressed these feelings to her at a later time (I was very drunk at the time)

But tonight we had phone sex and afterwards she's like- 'this must never happen again' etc, etc, etc

I do still have feelings for her but I accept she's not the one.

Advice please.....

Take it from me, find someone new to have sex and phone sex with. You and the ex will only keep playing this same game and it will get you what? Same shit, different day! I've been there before and it's such a waste of time. There are plenty of people out there that are worth the adventure of getting to know. Take the chance and move on. That's my .

Ooh, I feel for ya...

If you've accepted she's not the one, it's time to move on. Staying friends is fine, but never get so close that things can happen... Distance yourself and get over her. I know it hurts, but you'll get over it and it's the best thing to do really.

why such a big emphasis on "the one"? Is dating nothing but an ongoing search to find "the one"?

Son, we need to talk.

Lemme buy you a cuppa joe.

Natsume said:

I believe in "the one"...but most people settle for "the one who's good enough for now."

Case said:

so very fucking true!

Case said:

But how do you know if someone is "the one" if you don't give them a chance? Shouldn't dating be more about fun? With less emphasis on something so serious?

Sweeny79 said:

Yup. Then in five years, when they're in divorce court, they're like, "Gee...I didn't see THIS coming!!"

People are so stupid...

Case said:

A lot of people get married wayyyyy too quickly after the initial date as well. It's like, thank you people for keeping lawyers on the face of the earth.

Not that all lawyers are bad. Just a few. (My wife is a paralegal. hehe)

Case said:

I am all for dating people who are not necessarily "the one," but not for marrying them. People should have more self control than that.

Natsume said:

You've just made my day!

NCC2012 said:

hooray!

Case said:

I think it's more like looking for "a one", although I do believe I have found "the one"

The whole divorce thing just comes from slipping moral standards. Relationships are not different now but people think divorce is more acceptable. They give up at the first hurdle. Socialisation has done this.

schmedit...
[This message was edited Sat Jun 26 22:50:18 2004 by Famboozled]

Natsume said:

They SHOULD...but they don't. MOST people get married for the wrong reasons.

Famboozled said:[quote]Case said:[quote]



I think it's more like looking for "a one", although I do believe I have found "the one"


Yeah...but isn't "a one" the same thing as "the one who's good enough for now?" THE one implies that the person is either your soulmate or the mate of your dreams (two completely seperate categories, I might add), while "A one" is just some schmo who you can talk into going out with you. "A one" implies desperation and getting in a relationship just for the sake of having one.

Case said:[quote]Famboozled said:[quote]

Case said:

Not really. What I was getting at was not the idea of being with someone who's ok simply because u just want someone to be with until something better comes along. What I'm suggesting is that you may have more than one potential soul mate (slight contradition I know) who feels like "the one". Without living your life a million times u could never know how many people exist on the earth that you feel an incredible connection with. There could be many, but meeting one of them and settling down with them would be nothing like just being with some schmo who you can talk into going out with you. That is desperate while this is not. I think of my wife as a soul mate but I can't realistically say that there might not be others in this world who I could have a very powerful connection with. I don't feel like I'm settling for anything and missing out. Does that make any sense?

Famboozled said:[quote]Case said:[quote]

Famboozled said:

Yeah, it does. Sorry to have taken the term out of context. Yes, I DO believe there are MANY MANNNYYY people on this planet that could give a person a DEEPLY satisfying relationship. But the problem is, is that people let their agendas and motives (ie: marriage, desperation to have kids, etc.) cloud their judgements and so they'll take ANYONE...even if they're clearly incompatible with them. I did this in the '90s MANY times.

End it and move on.

luv4u said:

Agree

soulyacolia said:

Ask her to bring along her sister.

sex with an ex

muirdo said:

So you think this situation is ok then? It worries me. I thought that we were just friends and was fine with that but now I feel the lines have become blurred I know for a fact that she doesn't want a proper relationship with me but it's her thats instigating these things. I think she does it to feel better about herself, to feel wanted.

The last thing I want is to break contact with her. She really is a good friend. We're very close, soulmates almost. I think we're using each other and I don't feel comfortable with that.

Natsume said:

you need to tell that to jlo and ms. britney spears. it's sad that people can't be single or dating but unattached. they either have to be engaged to be married, married, or on their way to divorce court.