a friend of mine i used to have a very brief romantic fling with told me today that she was getting married to her boyfriend but that it was all a formality. i won't get into the ins and outs of it but it all has to do with them moving to England and them staying together for the sake of immigration.

now..is this a marriage of convenience or is she in love? should i tell her this? i'm not interested in her, just a little concerned for her on a long term basis.

it sounds like a bit of both (love/formality). If you know this friend to have good judgement, I would assume she's thought this through well. But, if she'd prone to rash decisions, I would talk it over further with her.

endorphin74 said:

What he said...

I got married for immigration reasons.

We're still married, and I really love him, consider him family, and want to always have him in my life. But the marriage was to make our legal lives easier. Period.

It's not fair that we HAD to get married to accomplish those things. It's also not fair that I can't marry whomever I want (Matt, for example, or any female partners I might have) and get similar legal benefits. Heterosexist, hyperreligious nation that we live in. . .grrr. . .

It's worrisome if she is really in love and sees this as a convenient way to fall into marriage. I know someone who did that. Her heart was broken that the guy really did just want immigration. She thouhgt he'd "come around."

On a larger scale, I personally wouldn't do it. A friend of mine from Canada wanted me to marry her so she could stay in the country. I gave it serious thought, but just wasn't comfortable with it. Too me, marriage is a big deal, and not to be taken lightly.

I do also agree with Tackam about some of the absurdities of what "marriage" is.

Either you tell her and never mention it again or you never tell her what you think, but then when shit hits the fanyou should know you can't bring it up either. Personally I wouldn't say anything, cause it should not make a difference and could only fuck up your relationship with her. I say it should not make a difference, cause I think that if she's truly in love with him, there's no way you'll be able to change her mind even if to you it's obvious he's using her. If she's not getting married for the "right" reasons I assume she knows damn well what she's doing and apparently cares enough about him to be willing to help him out which might benefit the relationship in the end anyway.

While I don't think that situations like mail order brides are okay, I do not have a problem with people marrying each other in order to be able to stay in the same country. They obviously care about each other, and while it's not THE best situation for marriage, it's better than marrying someone ONLY to obtain citizenship.

Not saying anything, but at this point, I would do anything to stay with my boyfriend.

POOK said:

I agree with the monkey

Freespirit said:

yes...you can contribute