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I saw/heard/felt him pull up outside while I was just finishing up my work for the evening. He looked much better than last I saw him. I wandered outside just to make sure. It was. Everything was new. Even the tinted windshield had “Bling Bling” across the top. As I walked around the vehicle, the alarm chirped at me, warning me with it’s noises not to get too close or it would annoy not only me, but those in the surrounding buildings. I walked back into my building, grabbed the key, and locked both front doors.

After sitting in my chair for a couple of moments trying to decide what to do, I went up to the upstairs office and grabbed a dolly truck so I could move what I needed to more easily than it would be otherwise. Unlocking the office door, I wheeled the dolly back to the office my boss occasionally leaves his stuff in. I walked to the first available desk, lifted one end of it to about a 30 degree angle, watching all of the crap slide off of it into a different pile of crap he has building up.

I decided to double check to see if my old friend would still be around in a couple of minutes, so I walked back outside, being careful not to let the doors lock behind me. Based on the chirping, I made my way back inside. Flipping the desk onto it’s side, I then pushed it up so that it was on it’s end. This way, the desk was taller than I was, and it made it easier to slide the dolly underneath it.

I slowly manuevered the desk out of the office, and pushed the button for the elevator. As it opened, I wondered if we’d both fit. Thankfully we did. I pushed the button for the roof, and began getting excited as each floor passed. Finally, the old elevator opened it’s doors, and I felt the breeze. I sat down on the ledge of the building. Anyone that saw me from another building would’ve sworn that I was from the film “City of Angels”. I turned around to see my ex-coworkers sitting down on the desk, trying to prevent me from doing what I was about to do.

Claudia, Roy, Stacy and Mike just sat there, daring me to do it, making my decision an easy one. With one push, the desk, along with my 4 ex-coworkers fell the 12 floors from the top of my building.

I watched their looks of surprise every moment of the way down. Finally, the split-second before landing on my old friend, Claudia lifted her finger at me and I watched her mouth the words “you’re such a dick.” Ah, Claudia. Always such a way with words...

The impact of the desk landing on my old friend was spectacular. The 12 foot high windows at the front of my building fought off the spraying glass and metal of the now flattened Lincoln Navigator. The chirping was gone. Remember the old episodes of “Dukes of Hazzard” when the police cars would roll over and the sirens would sound like they were drowning? That was the sound the car alarm made as it was buried under the weight of my co-workers, the 40-year-old metal and plastic desk, and the weight of the sport utility vehicle’s own body.

Rather than take the elevator back down, I raced down the 12 flights of stairs to see the damage for myself. Amazingly, my ex-coworkers were standing around the vehicle, shaking their heads. The only one that spoke was Mike, who drunkenly exclaimed that the trip down was the most exciting thing he’d ever been a part of and wanted to do it again. I didn’t see any point.

The tires were blown out. The only thing that seemed to still be in good working condition, were the wheels. The wheels were still rolling, even though the rest of the car was not going anywhere. My ex-coworkers helped push the desk (which remained undamaged in the incident) off of the vehicle and back onto the dolly. I quckly wheeled it back in, flipping it over onto it’s backside, watching it land on top of all of the crap thrown all over the floor.

I walked back outside, giggling as I saw my 4 ex-coworkers sitting on top of the flattened Navigator. I had intended on thanking them for sitting through the experience. I put my foot up on what was left of the back bumper, and the vehicle lurched forward. All 4 of them looked at me with the evil eye.

The sparks lit up the street as my old friend barreled down the hill. 3rd avenue, 2nd avenue, 1st avenue, Western, Alaskan, then coming to a complete stop as it flattened out, not quite reaching the railing that was needed to be broken through.

I went back inside, pulling the doors shut behind me. I went back to finishing my paperwork, and waited for my co-worker to relieve me. Just another exciting night at “work”.

nice one, matthew...

where do you work?

Christopher said:

At the old people's home.

Cloudbuster said:

You dirty skank....you leave them alone.

Christopher said:

Cloudbuster said:

but we already knew that.

Natsume said:

thank you