RECTUMA
by Eric Campos
(2004-04-23)

2003, Un-rated, 95 Minutes, Pirromount Pictures


When I was a kid, “The Attack of the Killer Tomatoes” was an absolute godsend. I was a huge monster movie lover and the sight of an army of gigantic tomatoes going to war against the human race made me shoot Cocoa Krispies flavored milk out my nose. They got me every time. But I knew it didn’t have to stop there. Things could get a whole lot more out of control than that and I’m not talking about the threatened invasion of Killer Carrots at the end of the film or even a Killer Tomatoes sequel…although we did get that sequel and we’re all sorry for it. No, there was something else on my mind, but I knew it would never happen. There’s no way in hell someone would make a film about a monstrous ass laying siege to a major city. Well, along comes creator of cult films Mark Pirro (“Deathrow Gameshow,” “A Polish Vampire in Burbank”) with his latest movie, “Rectuma,” which offers just that.


Thank the Lord! Thank the Lord!


Okay, here we go – returning from his vacation in Tijuana, Waldo Williams finds that his ass has been infected by the Mexican Butthumping Bullfrog, causing him plenty of pain and a whole lot more gas. After visiting a wacky scientist, Waldo finds that his ass has started glowing green with radiation. It’s not long before his rear end takes on a life of his own, detaching itself from the rest of his body to go on a killing spree, leaving fecal tracks wherever it goes, incriminating Waldo in the murders. But being framed as a murderer is the least of Waldo’s problems as his ass grows Godzilla big and wages full out war against Los Angeles.


Of course, you realize none of this is taken seriously. And I really mean none of it at all. Even the intermittent anti-piracy disclaimer in the picture of my screener had a different joke every time it came scrolling by – threatening a curse or the vengeance of a bunch of Italian thugs if illegal copies were made of this DVD. Whosever idea it was to do that, I just want them to know that they are deeply appreciated. That kind of sense of humor is found in every frame of this film. So basically your threshold for silliness will dictate how much you will enjoy this film if at all. If you’re a fan of Pirro’s earlier works, then it’s guaranteed that you have to see this film with the utmost urgency. He’s outdone himself here. Not a moment goes by that the film isn’t making some sort of crude joke. Those with tastes that run towards toilet humor will not be disappointed – asses, turds and farts abound. Lovers of giant monster movies will also find plenty to soak up as countless Godzilla jokes are made, including the appearance of the Mothra twin fairies as our sing-songy narrators.


You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you might even shit blood. Yes, “Rectuma” is just that turdriffic.

What a fucking stupid idea for a film.

sounds gross what's next - invasion of the giant pinworms?