JDINTERACTIVE said:

Nice one. I've heard sumfin' similar.....

" What you gonna do JD, Go for the EASY PINK or the

TIGHTBROWN into the centre" ....Playing snooker of course

senik said:

I remember another slightly offensive one which a friend (who slept with anything in a skirt) used to say, which was:

"Cover the face, and bomb the bass".

"Adams is stretching himself, looking for Seaman"

1p1p1i3 said:

"Batistuta is very good at pulling off defenders"

“Gary Neville says that Porto are a bunch of girls who go down too easily.”
PETER SCHMEICHEL, Radio 5 Live

TheFrog said:

Yeah, they to say that round my ends too, only it was " Fuck the face and bomb the bass!"

(Now we're moving up to primary school level )


[This message was edited Tue Apr 20 8:12:20 2004 by senik]
[This message was edited Tue Apr 20 8:12:38 2004 by senik]

MICHAEL Buerk watching Phillipa Forrester cuddle up to a male astronomer for warmth during BBC1's UK eclipse coverage remarked: "They seem cold out there, they're rubbing each other and he's only come in his shorts."

Ken Brown commentating on golfer Nick Faldo and his caddie Fanny Sunneson lining-up shots at the Scottish Open: "Some weeks Nick likes to use Fanny, other weeks he prefers to do it by himself."

MIKE Hallett discussing missed snooker shots on Sky Sports: "Stephen Hendry jumps on Steve Davis's misses every chance he gets."

JACK Burnicle was talking about Colin Edward's tyre choice on World Superbike racing: "Colin had a hard on in practice earlier, and I bet he wished he had a hard on now."

Chris Tarrant discussing the first Millionaire winner Judith Keppel on This Morning: "She was practising fastest finger first by herself in bed last night."

WINNING Post's Stewart Machin commentating on jockey Tony McCoy's formidable lead: "Tony has a quick look between his legs and likes what he sees."

ROSS King discussing relays with champion runner Phil Redmond: "Well Phil, tell us about your amazing third leg."

DURING the 1989 British Masters golf tournament, commentator Richie Benaud observed: "Notices are appearing at courses telling golfers not to lick their balls on the green."

CRICKETER Neil Fairbrother hit a single during a Durham v Lancashire match, inspiring Bobby Simpson to observe: "With his lovely soft hands he just tossed it off."

CLAIR Frisby talking about a jumbo hot dog on Look North said: "There's nothing like a big hot sausage inside you on a cold night like this."

JAMES Allen interviewing Ralf Schumacher at a Grand Prix, asked: "What does it feel like being rammed up the backside by Barrichello?"

STEVE Ryder covering the US Masters: "Ballesteros felt much better today after a 69."

THE new stand at Doncaster race course took Brough Scott's breath away..."My word," he said. "Look at that magnificent erection."

WILLIE Carson was telling Claire Balding how jockeys prepare for a big race when he said: "They usually have four or five dreams a night about coming from different positions."

STEVE Leonard, talking about vegetation on Vets in the Wild, told Trude: "There's something big growing between my legs."

CARENZA Lewis about finding food in the Middle Ages on Time Team Live said:"You'd eat beaver if you could get it."

A female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked, "So Bob, where's that eight inches you promised me last night?" Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too, because they were laughing so hard!

USPGA Commentator - "One of the reasons Arnie (Arnold Palmer) is playing so well is that, before each tee shot, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them.... Oh my god!!!!! What have I just said?!!!!"

David Coleman at the Montreal Olympics - "And there goes Juantorena down the back straight, opening his legs and showing his class."

Metro Radio - "Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven Dicks on the field."

Harry Carpenter at the Oxford-Cambridge boat race 1977 - "Ah, isn't that nice. The wife of the Cambridge President is kissing the Cox of the Oxford crew."

Ted Walsh- Horse Racing Commentator - "This is really a lovely horse. I once rode her mother."

New Zealand Rugby Commentator - "Andrew Mehrtens loves it when Daryl Gibson comes inside of him."

Pat Glenn- Weightlifting commentator - "And this is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing!"






Thanks to http://www.jannism.com/ar...log&ID=217

Impressive stuff y'all!!!

I've got another funny tale of madness to tell you... no innuendo in this but its funny!

My brothers best mate's mad mum said to him the other day "It was really bright the other day until it got dark" to which he replied... "Pretty much like every night then"

How funnys that...

Sorry thought I'd share that with you

JaneyPoos said:

Dat's da best bloody story!!!

I've seen this scenario before!!!

lilmissmissy said:

I have so many funny tales to tell you...

The latest is my mum for some reason had a bottle of shampoo upside down in a mug in the bathroom my dad came through, took the shampoo bottle out filled it with water went to drink from it or whatever and it had had shampoos in he didn't realise and claimed he was 'foaming at the mouth' ...

Aww mothers

Mad

JaneyPoos said:

Foaming at his mouth!!! Dat's fantastic!

What about that old World Series Cricket promtional song that had the lyrics:

"Come on Aussie, come on, come on, come on Aussie, come on"