I am watching the rerun of last week's "The Real World", and it is kinda sad. There is a girl on the show named Frankie, who has a boyfriend named Dave who lives back in her hometown (Frankie is in San Diego, where the show was filmed).

Frankie got drunk, and made the mistake of kissing another guy (not Dave) that she had been hanging around with. After she sobered up, she was very regretful of what she did, and called her boyfriend Dave to confess to him what she had done. Dave then paged Frankie the following day, and asked her to call him back. She tries repeatedly to call him back, but is unable to get ahold of him. Frankie then goes into the bathroom with a kitchen knife, and purposely cuts herself (this is not the first time she has done this).

Have any of you ever known a person who engaged in this behavior? I have never resorted to cutting myself purposely when I'm upset, so I guess I am a bit puzzled about why some folks resort to this kind of behavior. Any thoughts on this disturbing issue?

I think that self mutilation is incredibly sad.

I also find it gross that she used a kitchen knife that everyone in the house uses for their food.


I can only hope that she will get help for her problem and that other people who do this sort of thing will be inspired to do the same.

There was a movie made about cutting a few years ago. I want to say Winona Ryder was in it. But I don't think that's right.

I agree. Frankie's roommates talk to her about why she engages in this behavior, and one of the roommates went online to find out more about self-mutilation. Frankie does go to talk to a therapist about this habit, and the therapist agrees to get her in touch with a shrink in St. Louis (Frankie's hometown). I sincerely hope that Frankie gets the help that she needs.

psychodelicide said:

and stops using kitchen utensil in an unclean manner. bloodborne parasites!

Sometimes you want your external feelings to match your internal ones. I don't think it's a huge deal.

I used to be a cutter and often would cut so that the outside of myself looked as ugly as the inside felt. However I wouldn't say that it is no big deal as you can injure yourself quite severly with a poorly placed cut. (I went through that too.) My therapist had told me that cutters often had trouble expressing their negative feelings and coping with them in a constuctive manner. People who cut often have a complex interrelation of mental issues, such as depression and low self image and that cutting is often a symptom of a larger problem.

tackam said:

you don't think it's a huge deal? that's crazy! get yourself some help before you end up suffering from a "badly placed" cut.


Also, what do you mean by internal and external feelings? I just see my feelings as feeling. the ones I show on the outside are the ones that i'm feeling on the inside. There are times when I can't express an emotion as fully as i would like but i certainly don't hide it completely. I guess i just don't understand what you mean by that. I find it interesting how different people express and classify their feelings. we all have them but we all deal with them in different ways.


oh yeah, and get yourself some help. cutting is a sign of mental warfare. i'm not saying that cutters are mental ill, just that they're is something going on mentally that needs to be addressed.

Hope I don’t scare any of you off, but I used to do this. I suffered from anorexia and once I began to eat again and got out of the hospital, I was just numbed by food and scared and anxious all the time and I used to cut myself with the razor blades we kept at my work to 'feel' again. Stupid, I know, but it was a coping mechanism (albeit a very detrimental one). This was about 5 years ago and I no longer self mutilate or restrict my food intake (I’ll say, I got plenty o’ junk in this trunk now). I still have a few scars on my arms, but they are reminders to me of how far I’ve come.

jillybean said:

i'm glad you do n't do it anymore. the way that hospitals treat anorexia patients can be very traumatizing and so many of those patients go back to their old habits. i'm glad you were able to break free of that.

i think its pathetic that mtv doesnt throw her off the show and get her help....they dont accept drug use they shoudnt tolerate this....

the girl needs help..and im not talking about a superficial group hug on cable tv..

I've known one and I've been one, though, they were two different types, I suppose. My boyfriend's mother was a cutter. She would do it when depressed or when she felt worthless and ugly. Her arms were tore up from years of doing this and would often call me on the phone, before she passed away, and tell me about having just done it and how they weren't healing anymore. This was difficult because we lived hours from one another and you're put into a position of not really knowing what to do.


Me, I was a cutter, but not when I was depressed. I did it as more of a "sexual foreplay" and then would take the blood. This was long ago... nearly twelve years ago since I've done this. Unfortunately, I have scars that show and it's uncomfortable when people ask about them, which, I then make up some story about my old dog or a fence, or something...

psychodelicide said:

That bitch is crazy and clearly just wants attention. The people who really didn't want to be here aren't.

okaypimpn said:

The majority of people who cut themselves hide it and don't tell anyone. Also, cutters aren't the same as someone who attempts to slit their wrists. Usually it is done elsewhere on the body where it is more easily hidden, and it isn't done for the purpose of killing oneself.

I haven't seen this episode of The Real World... so she could be attention seeking.

So sad... I just read that Angelina Jolie was a cutter...

JasmineFire said:

I realize based on previous experience with you that I'm not going to change your mind about this, but kindly hear me out.

I mean that when I'm in emotional pain it sometimes feels good to feel physical pain as well. I've never cut (or burned--wax is nice) deeply; I don't have any scars.

I'm into BDSM. I love fucking with the psychological aspects of pain, in sexual and other contexts. I enjoy controlled pain, and I enjoy the sight of blood. Freak? I suppose. But I'm not "crazy" or unwell. Just different.

I certainly think it can be a symptom of something damaging, and can itself be physically damaging (obviously), but like most things in life, there are shades of gray and it's complicated.


[This message was edited Wed Apr 14 14:29:25 2004 by tackam]

I haven't seen the episode or anything, but a few things don't resonate here with me:

Getting drunk is no reason, excuse or incentive to cheat on your partner. I'm not sure where people get that idea, i guess it's an easy excuse for what is actually a concious decision.

Cutting can be bad and an indication of some kinda emotional problem. Picking up a kitchen knife in front of a TV crew to go cut yourself is pure attention seeking, i would say.

tackam said:

I still think that you might want to talk some of that stuff out with a therapist. maybe now is not the time but someday it may do you some good. There's a difference between BDSM and self-mutilation.

in general, i think that everybody needs some therapy at some time in their life but someone who intentionally cuts themself might need it more than someone who doesn't.

JasmineFire said:

I appreciate your concern, thank you.

I don't have a lot of respect for psychology/psychiatry, honestly. And yeah, there is a difference between BDSM and self-mutilation, but for me, an unconventional approach to the experience of pain is what makes both things enjoyable. But if somebody is actually trying to harm themselves, or is confused about why they are cutting, I think they ought to talk with somebody about it.

tackam said:

it can be hard finding a psychologist who's any good. so many just want to lock people up or drug them out of their brains.

JasmineFire said:

Yup. "I don't like the drugs but the drugs like me. . ." Truly, I think that there is more incredibly bad science in psychology than any other area this side of astrology. . .not sure it should be called a science.

When people get something good out of therapy, I think it's usually something that they should have been able to get from friends/family. Our culture is so fucked up. . .so sad and disconnected.

Disclaimer: if you've got an actual chemical imbalance, take the drugs.
[This message was edited Wed Apr 14 15:47:18 2004 by tackam]

tackam said:

see, there are good psychologist who do help people who wouldn't have been helped otherwise. i think that if you have a mental problem and refuse to see a profession it is akin to being physically ill or bleeding to death but not seeing a doctor because you don't like them. it'll only harm you in the long run.

the problem is that you have to do so much research on the pyschologist to make sure that you have a good one and not one who won't really help you.

I do agreee about society being disconnected and i think that disconnect is one of the main reasons there is so much more mental illness then there was even a decade ago. maybe things will change with time.

p.s. i majored in cognitive science and let me tell you that it is a science and should be treated as such.

cog sci edit
[This message was edited Wed Apr 14 15:53:04 2004 by JasmineFire]

tackam said:

Don't you think your situation is a bit different than a cutters?

I have seen kids that are cutters, and they are cutters because they were badly abused.. And are trying so hard to deal with that pain.

sag10 said:

As a matter of behavior, I have been a cutter. That's just a fact.

Am I different from the majority? Maybe. But my point is, people can have different motivations for the behavior.

tackam said:

Yes, this is true..

From your statement I gathered yours was for lifestyle and pleasure...

sag10 said:

I don't think I'd say lifestyle. . .certainly not about the cutting bit, maybe some people might say that about BDSM. Pleasure? That's probably a fair statment, even when the motivation is hurt/pain.

AzureStarr said:

Frankie said to her roommates that cutters don't do it with the intention of killing themselves, so yes, you are correct.

I never thought about Frankie doing this for attention, but ya know, you could be right.

I know & love a "cutter" - it's some scary shit