Ok, Dating Etiquette Opinion:

Who pays on the date, and why? Does it go by who makes the most $$, or by whether one is male/female, or who asks whom out (grammar?)?

This is a good question, one that I was never sure of myself. Where is Miss Manners when we need her?

psychodelicide said:

Well, I have my personal opinions, but I'm curious as to what other men and women think and why.

I hear ya, same here.

I think it depends on what words are used to set up a date. If the guy says, "Hey, let me take you out to dinner sometime.", then he should pay. If he says, "Hey, let's get together for dinner sometime.", then she should plan to pay for her own shit. Even if she makes the gesture to contribute, it's worth a lot. Let's get into some history on how all this started:

Many years ago, women stayed at home with the family until they met a man and got married. Few women worked, so it was a given that the man was the provider and had to pay for everything. But now in this day and age, women are working and sometimes making even more money than the guys.

So any woman who thinks she should be pampered everytime she's on a date, is a bit of a bitch and should not be offended when the guy wants sex at the end of the night. If the woman is making good money and she leaves her purse at home all the time, then she needs to at least suck some dick. If we're gonna be equal, we need to act equal.

Personally, I love it when a girl offers to pay for herself and even more if she offers to pay for me. It's a sign that she's not a selfish broad who's afraid to give. Now don't get me wrong, I love to pay for stuff and treat women to things, but I like a fair game.

Unless it is spelt out who is paying i.e "I would like to take you out to dinner" then it should be split 50/50 between male/female, male/male, female/female.

I suppose hwat usually happens is the guy asks the girl out.....so that means he pays.

Evil is the Kind of Man who Turns me off. He is Too Brash and Agressive and Dirty. Not My Type. I Like Gentlemen. I have paid in the past when I didn't want Anything More than an ESCORT for an OCCASSION.

Just because a Man pays on a Date Doesn't Mean ya Gotta sleep with him. I also want to be Treated like a Woman not a Man and Equal Rights doesn't mean somehow a Man can Treat a woman like a Man now. this is Foolish. I want to be Treated as Special as a PRINCess not some SEX TOY!

Zelaira said:

All I wanted was dinner!

It depends. If the guy asks the girl out then it is assumed he is paying. It's okay to pay your own way.

Dinner and going out to movies or plays or to Amusment parks. Even clubs. It's all Good. Just I have always had Guys like after me to have sex the first date. Even just we are hanging out and the guys start taking off their clothes. Men Never just want Dinner from me. I have learned to just Say No. Men just have Always wanted my Body.They have Stared at my Breasts or said ya have a Great Shape. They take ya out but well they want ya to sleep with them at the end of the night. If ya Don't well and I got called a Bitch from a Minnesota guy . I don't understand why I am EXPECTED to Sleep with EVERY GUY who Wants Me.. That is Foolish. I as a woman will Pick who I want to Sleep with not Feel Obligated. I Love Men but Not the way they Act or Approach me. It is like I am some Sex Toy. Why can I Not Be myself without them wanting a Feel. I can't dress in Shorts? I get Crazy things happening and well sometimes I truly look Ugly and it's Still the Same. I get Mad cause I am Not Just About Getting it On with Every Tom,Dick and Harry. I Desire a Friend or Confident First. It Must be a Meeting of the Minds about Issues not Just I am Sleeping with You All cause ya Want me to. This Upsets me about guys. They Always touch my Arm or something. I had one no 2 trying to pull my shirt down to see my Tatoo. I Nearly Smacked the Jerks. I got Irrate and yelled at them. Why do Guys Act so Stupid towards women sometimes? I am Not Some Animal to Maul. I Don't Care if my Boobs are Out or my Behind. Look and Don't Touch and Leave ya Dick in your Pants...
[This message was edited Mon Apr 12 23:34:19 2004 by Zelaira]

Zelaira said:

Will we be having deseart?

Zelaira said:

You are Sweet. One thing about me is I am Not EASY! In Fact I Can Be a ROYAL PAIN.. A Hard B*tch . Very Fussy and Very Stubborn. Ya looking for no Bumps ya Better go elsewhere I am DIFFICULT! I just want things Right. Has to be. I have a Whip and a Whistle and Handcuffs and I will Use Them!

Zelaira said:

More wine?

I'm not Drinking. I don't need to drink to speak my mind!.

Zelaira said:

Ok!


How about a dance?

I need some Cranberry juice.. Excuse me... I gotta go fetch some.

Subject to the "cranberry rule", whoever earns most should pay. Why should etiquette dictate that one sex should pay when the other sex is rolling in cash? Cranberry Rule: If the woman drinks cranberry juice on the first date, she should pay whatever the circumstances.

I Love that one. Funny as all.

ok, who's Etiquette? did we all approve of you dating him?




And to answer the question - I think it depends on too many things to have just one answer.
If he invited you on a date, and he chose the place you're going to, then maybe he should pay. But, if you didn't have fun, and it really has gone bad, then you should just split the bill and then just leave.

Have you seen those Dating shows? Sometimes the people insult each other so much. it's Cruel. I can't believe it sometimes.

Zelaira said:

Natasha, it would be fun to see you on one of those shows.

Oh Cinister... No! Please listen to this one time a guy wanted to take me on a date where he took me to the Park and brought a Blanket and then he wanted to buy some Beer . I was So OFFENDEd . I told him to go to the Park,Spread Out The Blanket and Go F Himself. Then another time this guy was staring into my Bedroom Window from my Stoop.Ya believe this he was watching me Undress. I came down Screaming with abat. I told him to get Off my Propertyless I would call the police. How bout this some guy and I go to the movies right and he grabs my popcorn and Candy and tells me that since he bought it he can eat it. I said Here Enjoy it and Left!

O.K.here's another Ditty. I was working on Wall Street . I met this Stockbroker who I thought was so Cool Right. Well, I find out he lives near me so we go out at night right. So like we were Cool going out for lunch this time he says to me When Are We Going to Bed...Over and Over Again all Night during our date right. So I said let's see. So like we are having a good time dancing and all right well. Get this he says let's go watch some Tv right. So I get to his house and he Rips my shirt open and just Comes on my Breasts like that. No Explanation. I was like in Shock. This Creep was waiting all night and then he's like let's leave. I was Dumbfounded. Then he comes over with Roses and some Toy the next Day. I told him I Never wanted to see him again. So you can Understand my Displeasure with Dating. But I do gotta admit they always tell me theyLove me.. But Why they gotta act so Course or like Jerks I don't Know why.

It is mutual, no matter who makes more $$$. I love to pay (it's no game) ... most guys always feel uncomfortable, but are flattered if not surprised when I hold strong (stubborn) when I grab the bill.

The other night I paid for dinner when my Dr. friend and I had a nice dinner. He really had a hard time... but I just gave him this look -----> and had warned him in the past that I will pay one day. Also, if you do pay... don't ever bring it up again, let it go. Like I said, it is not a game to who did what or who does the most etc. It has everything to do with...

society and standardized rules and expectations...

... follow your .

Rules

Plus... I feel so uncomfortable paying 50/50 with close friends/family. I feel it takes the compassion out of the moment. Eating with friends/family is always quality time spent... it's sacred time to me.

As a matter of ettiquette, I think the man should pay on the first date, as the default solution, in order to avoid awkwardness, which after all is what a first date is all about...avoiding awkwardness...that and getting to the second date.

I don't think a man paying should be necessarily seen as sexist, as long as there is an understanding that it is about social conventions and not "paying for sex."

After that (or soon after that) financial issues should naturally find their own place in the relationship. If the couple is mature enough to properly weigh the importance of "who pays" then good on them. Whatever is comfortable for both parties, both financially and emotionally, should be the goal.

i think traditionally the man is supposed to pay for everything but nowadays if a man doea that he probably has some control freak tendancies. 50/50 is usually the standard.