I saw this on msn and it made me think of the org, lol.

I’m in love with a Web pal. Is it cheating?
Even if you never meet your e-mail flirtation, says ‘Today’'s Dr. Gail Saltz, you are probably harming your current relationship
By Dr. Gail Saltz
"Today" contributor
Today show
Updated: 8:52 p.m. ET March 11, 2004

Q: I’ve think I’m in love with someone I met on the Internet. We’ve never met (and probably never will). Is this cheating?

A: In a word, yes.

A committed relationship is all about intimate emotional involvement with another. If you are feeling passion toward someone besides your partner — if you can’t wait to get to your computer to e-mail with another man — you are taking time and energy away from your current relationship.

And, chances are, it’s all a fantasy!

With someone you haven’t met, you imagine all kinds of wonderful traits and no horrible ones. You think you know him well from your frequent notes, but it’s easy for anyone to sound terrific in an e-mail. People can edit their words to make themselves convey any kind of impression they want.

You haven’t been with him when he’s grouchy. You have no idea how he deals with bad moods, or whether he has highly annoying habits. Maybe he talks non-stop, or maybe he grunts more than he speaks. Maybe he chews tobacco or never goes to the dentist or watches sports day and night.

Your feelings are toward somebody who probably doesn’t exist in the fantasy form you have conjured up. (And if you do make the mistake of arranging to meet after your hot-and-heavy correspondence, you are 99 percent guaranteed to be tremendously disappointed.)

Even worse, such a fake relationship is highly likely to erode your current one. Inevitably, you will compare this fantasy man with the man you have, who can’t help but fall short. A real man — with all his faults, lovable or not — can never measure up to a fantasy.

Instead of focusing on your text-based fantasy man, you should look inside yourself and examine why it is you are going outside your committed relationship for passion and excitement. Quite often, such a flirtation is a sign that you are in some way dissatisfied or bored with your partner.

It is a much better use of your time to work on your current relationship than to pursue one that is both unlikely to produce any kind of satisfaction as well as to undermine the bond with your partner. All three of you might end up getting hurt.

I suggest you bid your pen-pal a polite farewell and then block his e-mail address.

Dr. Gail’s Bottom Line: However you rationalize it, an Internet relationship IS cheating. Stick a note on your computer reminding you to work focus on your real one instead.

Dr. Gail Saltz is a psychiatrist with New York Presbyterian Hospital and a regular contributor to “Today.” For more information, you can visit her Web site, www.drgailsaltz.com. Her new book, “Becoming Real: Overcoming the Stories We Tell Ourselves That Hold Us Back,” is to be published in May 2004.

boy, if hubby finds out i wouldnt blame him if he takes a blunt instrument to her skull

VinaBlue said:

I never flirt.

Depends on how far you take it, but yes I think it's cheating in most cases. I fell for someone on the Internet and it ended up destroying my already fragile relationship with my BF of 7 years.

It's dangerous stuff to play with your heart or someone elses,even if you think you have found a medium to express your wanderlust safely, you have not. Cheating is cheating.

What is cheating depends upon the rules of the relationship. I think a good rule of thumb is this: if you couldn't tell your partner about it, it's probably cheating.

I agree that if you're actually falling in love with someone as a result of this flirting, it's dangerous ground. It happened to me once. If it's all in fun than it's cool. I know that in real life things can be WAY different, and the guys I flirt with online know that I have a boyfriend. I think sometimes it's helpful to know that you still have attractive/desirable qualities when you've been in a relationship for a long time, because nothing beats that first 6 months when everything is exciting and new. To put things in perspective, I have a friend that I've known since high school and we flirt, so I think the online flirting is similar. But yeah, there is a fine line. When you think about the online person while you're with your real relationship, that's when it gets tricky.

ArdeoTheMerciless said:

And she could do the same if the situation was reversed, right?

I think it all depends on the situation. I mean, lets face it, online flirting is safer than flirting in real life. I'd rather he fantisize about someone he will never meet than someone he works with all day, everyday. There are so many variables. The key would be to talk about it.

MelissaC said:

I couldn't agree more.

Ottica said:

Yeah, that's true.

It's a fine line.

MelissaC said:

I dunno ask althom he is the biggest flirt around here

MostBeautifulGrlNTheWorld said:

Oh yeah!!!

MostBeautifulGrlNTheWorld said:

WHAT???

I'm a nice flirt though.

althom said:

WHORE!!!!

MostBeautifulGrlNTheWorld said:

althom said:

MostBeautifulGrlNTheWorld said:

BZZZT! WRONG!!! I AM! by the way, what's your phone number? I'll get a calling card in a minute...

'dre

MelissaC said:

I live to flirt

IAmTheTouch said:

minneapolisgenius said:

hi gurlie!

IAmTheTouch said:

Hey!

Well, I think these psychiatrists get paid way too much!

Seriously though, there's flirting and there's flirting. I mean, paying someone complements and playful banter is all quite innocent.


I think it's when folk start having nude web cam chats at 3 in the morning that they're cheating.

IAmTheTouch said:

Yeah, I think this article is more about those who become very serious about someone online while they're in a marriage or serious relationship. The people who start viewing the online person as someone they might want to give up their real-life relationship for, not someone they just joke around with.

AnotherLoverToo said:

agreed. i guess it's a fine line, and unless the situation is clear, and everybody knows their boundaries, it can get ugly very quickly.

IAmTheTouch said:

.
[This message was edited Sun Mar 14 14:38:19 2004 by bkw]

I've not done anything like that while I'm in a relationship, however, the words in the passage that say about removing energy from the relationship to the on-line one - what's the difference if not attached? Energy is being invested in an on-line fantasy, rather than hobbies, seeing friends etc. There is still damage being done, just not involving another person.

Delusion is delusion. Finding the route of the delusion can change it from that to small doses of fun, imo.

I've experienced both delusion and fun!! I subscribe to the latter nowadays
[This message was edited Sun Mar 14 14:39:48 2004 by Therapy]

daned said:

damn!!

(hey, what time is it on the West Coast??)