If you knew for a fact that someone in your life wasn't being honest and would flat out lie to you, while you knew for certain, without a doubt, that they were lying, and you told them that you knew that they were lying, yet they still denied it, what would you do?

If it was a friend.....then I would just walk away. I don't need friends being dishonest like that in my life.

But what if you don't want to walk away, but yet you know that they are flat out lying to your face and you can't stand it, but you want them to be in your life, but, at the same time know that the friendship/relationship would never work anyway because you don't trust them?

Why in the fuck do people have to lie anyway? How difficult is it really to tell the truth? It doesn't seem that difficult to me!

Ottica said:

why do you want them in your life if they lie to you? what sense does that make? sometimes walking away is the only thing you can do.

jessyMD32781 said:

Because... well, because. I guess I really have no "good" answer as to why. It doesn't make any sense, but I guess you start to talk yourself into reasons why they should be in your life, when you know damned well you don't need them there if they are going to lie.

It's so very, very hard to walk away.

Ottica said:

yeah, it is hard to walk away but that's what you have to do when there's no other way around it. I know that it's easier said than done but you'll definitely better from it in the long run.

jessyMD32781 said:

That's just... grrrr... I am so fucking pissed off right now I can't even stand it. And, you're right... and I knew that answer, but I wanted someone to say the opposite, so that I could let that part of myself think that maybe it was okay to do what I was doing.


Isn't it funny though, if you think about it, how many excuses people can come up with to try and rationalize why they were lying... or to try to get out of it being known that they were? While you, knowing full well that they are lying, sit there and listen to that.

Ottica said:

yeah there's nothing funny about this situation. i hope you can get out of this situation for your sake and the sake of your kids (i believed you mentioned them in the ' i made it a year' thread but i could be mistaken). Think of the message your sending them by letting this person stay in your life. Don't think that they're not aware of what's going on. children know everything.

jessyMD32781 said:

Yeah, I know. Have you ever kicked someone out of your life because you knew that they were dishonest, yet you really wanted them in your life anyway?

Ottica said:

that's a tough call. some people are sick and lie compulsively, and can't help themselves. some others are just mean. it can be tricky telling the dif
about a person who routinely lies to me i'd still probably tolerate them in my life but maybe not intimately

Ottica said:

I would let the person know. If the person denies it then I don't want to know them anymore and basically there is no trust.

XxAxX said:

Yeah... I think this person is a compulzive liar, though, trying not to mean any harm, yet... well... the dishonesty itself causes all of the harm. If one lies about things like this person is... well, what else could they be lying about, you know? That's what gets me... just be honest with me. There's no reason to lie (that's what this person keeps saying... "Why would I have to lie"... yet, the whole time I am telling them that I KNOW for a FACT that they are lying... and it just goes in a circle. Just... why lie? Ya know? Why?

And, again, I agree. I'm still waiting for someone to disagree so I can feel better about myself if I don't get this person out of my life. *sigh*

Ottica said:

I think you know the answer to your question.....it's just hard for you to make the desission.

althom said:

Okay... how about this. What if the person is, in fact, lying about one thing... but the thing they are lying about is completely innocent, but you don't know if it is because you can't trust them... but.. fuck... ya see? Lying get's you nowhere!

Ottica said:

And it gets the relationship nowhere as well. Here you are trying to work out if every single thing he says is true. That's not what a relationship is suppose to be about.

althom said:

STOP agreeing with me!

Dishonest people suck!

Ottica said:

Ottica said:

You've said you recently returned and in thses days I've noticed that you have a lot of drama in your life.

I guess it really depends on what this person is lying about.

For example, if he/she is lying about stuff that really doesn't matter (like meeting a celebrity or something like that), then let it go. I'm talking about exaggeration, or boasting. This type of lying is, well, "OK" (I can't believe I just wrote that, but it's true).

NOW, if the lying we're talking about is infidelity, on any level, THEN it's time to do some serious soul-searching. I have a feeling this is where you're coming from. If the lying you speak of is current (you two, and not her past) then you have a legitimate concern, and have every right to do whatever feels right for you.

There are plenty of reasons to stay -- the way this person makes you feel, either physically or emotionally, the fear of not finding someone as interesting/good-looking/sexy again, or the sex . . .

Hopefully you search your heart and mind and decide what is best for you. Keep in mind that a relationship is supposed to be about love and trust -- and you've already said that you can't trust this person. It's the love part that makes it hard to leave . . .

Also, keep in mind that usually the relationship we have with someone is based on an ideal. Even though we work through hard times, we are still picturing that ideal.

Now, every time you argue with a person or call them a liar, you are tarnishing that ideal and getting further away from what you saw in them in the first place. Does that make sense?

For example: an ex-girlfriend of mine. She was funny, beautiful, sexy -- but after a few "incidents" I just could not trust her anymore. We argued, and after a while the physical beauty and humor just wasn't enough, and the sex suffered too because there was a loss of emotional intimacy. So, after almost 6 months of going through the dilemma you are, I decided to let her go. It was hard, but after a few weeks it felt like a weight was lifted.

One thing to consider: don't let this person's dishonesty start to affect you. If you stay with/around this person too long, you'll start to get jaded too.
[This message was edited Sat Mar 13 21:16:08 2004 by Se7en]

SENSHY said:

Yeah?

Se7en said:

Yeah... that's what's happening now. And, I hate it. Like someone said to me earlier today... I know what it is that I have to do, but I don't want to do that.

The funny thing is this... the reason why I posted this to find others' take on this is because those who know me and know the situation tell me to "stick it out and see", while those who don't know me and the situation see it completely different and see it how I feel.

I guess that's one of the good things about the internet and message boards... you can get an outsiders take on a situation and get a more realistic and honest take on things, moreso than you can from people who know those involved.

My advice in these kinds of situations is as always, get drunk and run away from your problems.

Works for me.

If you know they are lying, then think about in what capacity you still want them in your life. Lay your cards on the table and tell them that you are unwilling to accept dishonesty in your relationship and take it from there. Take the bull by the horns so to speak.

Ottica said:

If you have the time and patience to stick it out, then I would "confront" (in a nice way) this person about what you're feeling and how you're affected by their dishonesty. All relationships are work, regardless of how good OR bad they are. You're taking 2 personalities and trying to melt them together. If you think that you want this person in your life FOREVER, then it's worth sticking it out.

If you feel that your heart is breaking every day, and that you're being degraded, neglected, or even emotionally abused, then get out. No one is worth that.