I always thought my older sister and I had a great relationship, even after I came out she seemed to be very supportive even though she's a born-again christian or 'saved,' or whatever they refer to themselves these days. But then I started to realize that our relationship is very superficial and one sided. She tells me everything that goes on in her life: the kids, her husband, career, her issues with our mother...you name it. Then the other day it dawned on me that she only asks me about work and gradschool. She never once asks how I'm doing you know, emotionally and stuff like that. In the past when I mentioned certain dates I went on or boyfriends and the like, she would quickly change the subject. Obvsiously she was uncomfortable so I made a decision to never bring that type of thing into our conversation. Then late last week she accidentally (or so I hope) sent me an email about some petition her church was passing around about supporting Bush and his proposed constitutional amendment. The petition included some vile things about they (her church) being in a "cultural war" and that they were winning and some other crazy scary things. I instinctively, emailed her back and asked her why she had email me this note. I checked off email return recipt so I know she received it but she never answered. Then this past Saturday she calls to remind me to call my father on his birthday and I couldn't help but ask her about the email.

Long story short: A huge fight ensued and she showed me her true colors. She basically thinks that I'm a sinner and that because of who I am I will be going to hell. How the fuck does one deal with a comment like that? Do I cave-in and continue to have a one sided hypocritical relationship with her for the sake of keeping her happy and in my life. Do I sell out again?

I've been in such a weird melancholy state since Saturday. Talk about LA angst: Los Angeles traffic was beyond a challenge this morning, gradschool is kicking my ass, work is super busy and my boss is an asshole. I'm in the middle of complex relationship with an actor so it's always about him, my shrink is on vacation, my roommate is on tour and my friends are not returning my phone calls this morning...damn it's one of those horrible Mondays...



This quote made quite the impression in my James Joyce class last friday...

"I will not serve that in which I no longer believe wether it call itself my home, my fatherland or my church...And I am not afraid to make a lifelong mistake, even a great mistake, a lifelong mistake, and perhaps as long as eternity too." --Stephen Dedalus to Buck Mulligan James Joyce - ULYSSES.

It's a tricky one. On one hand, she is your own flesh & blood so you don't want to cut her out of the loop. On the other hand, she can't accept the way you are, and ultimately, part of who you are.

I think the easiest thing to do is go back to how things were before. Keep things pleasent and superficial. I don't think you can change the way she thinks, so it's best to try and forget about it. I know it's not the perfect solution but there is no perfect solution. With you both having such strong opposing opinions, it's best to avoid the topic.

Nothing worse than 2 people who both belive they're 100% right getting into a 'debate'.

If the 2 of you can still find a middle-ground then there's always hope that she'll one day learn to respect homosexuality simply through knowing you.

It is important that one be true to ones self.

I have seen this over and over again. The sinner bit gets a bit old.

I hope that you chose what is best for you, and only you.

Your sister has her life, her family, and it would be ashame if she lost the company of a wonderful brother. And from what I gather she doesn't deserve to have you in her life.

TheResistor said:

I'm pretty sure that's from A Portrait of the Artist and he's talking to Lynch or Cranly.

Hope that helps.

Seriously, this may sound weird, but this may be something she still needs to process. She'll probably go through stages of acceptance or whatever. It'll take time, but try not to take her various reactions as her final feelings about you as a person.

Good luck.

As for words of wisdom, I offer you this little tidbit from Jan's most recent thread:

"It doesn't so much matter what you do in particular, so long as you have your life."

i think your sister has every right to feel the way she does...doesnt make her right...i would just remind her that God says not to judge others...If your going to hell, thats up to you and your god....


and then tell her if your going to hell at least you will be well accessorized...