Have any of you guys had a loved one in jail? How long were they in there for? How did you cope with it? Did you visit them? Did you talk to them on the phone? Did you write them? I want to hear some stories because just this week I had to start dealing with this right now, and it's really, really hard for me to go through.

What's up sweety? (Do don't have to give us details if u don't want.)

I havn't, but u have my prayers!

Velvet

I haven't dealt with this, either...but you're within my prayers as well.

yeah its a bitch
but at the end of the day
its just worth counting out the days
for them to be released
and being there for them
it gets lonely inside

ive had a loved one in jail....im torn on the issue of visiting and writing....far to often ive heard the fantasies of rehabilitation and wanting to go straight...

but sadly ive yet to see it...just be careful you dont feed into the illussion..they are in jail for a reason..its not a vacation...and they need to keep a sense of perspective....words and empty promises mean nothing...ACTION!! learn from your mistakes...prison should be a time to reflect on wrong actions taken..not to indulge in dillusions....

sosgemini said:

I agree. He (my boyfriend) has a drug problem and that's what landed him there. I love him so much, but I really don't know what to do. I hope he does really reflect on what has happened, and I hope this really does change for the better. I'm supposed to visit him this week, and I have no idea what to say. I want to be supportive of him and his feelings without justifying the mistakes he's made. I just hope he gets better because I love him so much.

Thanks to all of you guys for your words.

He was there for 2 years and 7 months. We had just started having a relationship. I'd known him for 5 years as a friend before. I wrote, I imagined being with him, I withered, I suffered terrible loss of him being away. It's like a grieving process. I say, get support for your feelings. That was only part of it though for me, I also really enjoyed writing to him, visiting him, supporting him. I loved him. It does get easier as time passes. Just make sure you take care of yourself either equally or better than you do him.

Therapy said:

im curious...did you ever consider that his actions required a stern hand? you speak of supporting and grieving yet....what about justice?

theVelvetRoper said:

I myself have spent some time in jail. I feel your anguish and pain! What I can suggest is to write them alotta letters and visit them as often as possible. In down times those two things can bring moment s of hapiness to the person locked up. It sooooo makes somebodys day to have a visitor get them 30 minutes away from thir cell . Same with letters. It's always nice to know you are loved by the somebody in the outside world!

PEJ said:

Pej has anyone ever told you that you are a wonderful person? Cause you are

MostBeautifulGrlNTheWorld said:

I hope I never get locked up again but if I do please write to me!!

PEJ said:

I will do you one better I will bring my ass to see you.....and yes I you never get locked up again either.....cause uhh that would suck

MostBeautifulGrlNTheWorld said:

I better never go back in cuz just knowin I can't see you lovely folks and I know mrbungle would get frusterated with me callin collect so he could relay messages for me online... damn just the thought of it makes me think of the horrible withdrawels..

Yeah my second cousin was in jail for drug trafficking...he was in the slammer for 10 years.

PEJ said:

Just use 1-800-COLLECT and I do not think he would mind.....you could save him up to 50% on all collect calls

MostBeautifulGrlNTheWorld said:

unfortunately the jails are set up so you can only dial 0 first but still, he'd be the first I would call....

PEJ said:

I can hear the conversation in my head now

MostBeautifulGrlNTheWorld said:

Therapy said:

Thank you so much!

PEJ said:

Thank you. He was only allowed to put 2 people on his list for now because he hasn't gone to court yet, but his mother called me last night to tell me she spoke to him and that he put me down as one of his people. It made me feel so good that I was one of the two that he wants to see(and #1 is Mom, of course!), that I started crying with his mom on the phone!

It's so frustrating though because I went to call to schedule my visit, and the only times I can schedule it is on Friday and Saturday, so I have to wait until Friday just to make the appointment. I'm not going to be able to see him until next week. I've already sent a letter, but I just don't want him to think I'm abandoning him.

Thank you for posting this thread, VR. On top of my aunt passing away on Thursday, our family found out that my uncle is in jail on molestation charges. This same uncle molested myself and two of my three sisters. When my now only aunt called to tell me about it, it was like reliving it all over again. I first wanted to go visit him in jail and ask him if the charges were true, but I can't do it. I just know in my heart that he did it and with that, I will never have anything else to do with him. I feel like I am in fucking hell all over again.

TheOrgerFormerlyKnownAs said:

Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry for what's happened to you! If you ever need someone to talk to, I'm a good listener. You can always feel free to send me a message!

theVelvetRoper said:

Much love to ya, Mami.

I've had relatives in the slammer with the same problems. And I didn't know him at the time, but my boyfriend had to serve some time, too.....eight years to be exact.

He was just released about several mos ago, and it's still good for him to know that someone's still here to care for him. So please, stick by your loved one, when he's in and when he's out.