Hmmmm.....some thoughts on "beauty".

I grew up in a household full of secrets and fear, with parents who alternately loved, ignored or abused me and my brothers. I took every opportunity I could to escape the fear and pain of my "real" world, sometimes by running wild in the neighborhood, other times by reading books about far away lands, languages and people. As a child, I found beauty in those escapes, and in the affection of animals, in the soft-but-spiky grass under my feet, the smell of dirt, the speed of my bike, my legs that were able to carry me running running running away.....

I was physically punished or threatened at home if I cried or expressed pain, I was not allowed to, and so I learned to cry quietly, secretly and--finally--almost never at all. I learned to find beauty in my inner strength, in my wit, in my emotional survival skills, in my teachers and their praise, in a few of my classmates and their friendship....

Maybe this is horrible, but I have never been one to verbally gush over beauty. (Especially not model-type physical beauty, that seems so unimportant) I don't emote over beauty much, but not because I don't feel or see beauty--I very much do--but perhaps because I'm sometimes afraid if I speak of it too much, it will disappear. Because of how I was raised, the things I feel most deeply, I tend to hold close to myself or express to a cherished and trusted few.

Some people have misinterpreted my remarks about life/other people as being "cynical" or "negative" or "judgemental". I can understand why they'd think that--I am often impatient with those who don't acknowledge their effect upon others; those who appear to act as if life is ONLY beautiful for EVERYONE; those who don't allow others to grieve or hurt or experience pain, and insist that those in pain must put on a happy face . People might also think I'm jaded because I have such a tough job, where I experience human struggle firsthand and try to help patients find a way through it. But, you see, it's really just the opposite: the beauty of people--my clients, my friends, strangers on the street--is the only thing that keeps me going and keeps my heart alive.

What touches me the most now in life are hearts of sincerity, of trust and hope and honesty, and pain borne of knowledge. Some examples of "Beauty" in my everyday life: listening to my new moms and dads ask a zillion questions about how to take care of their firstborn child. "Beauty" is a big part of why I moved to Washington--the majestic mountains, the Ocean and Puget sound, the evergreen forests. I smile at the sights that greet me everyday. I may not post about them, or go on and on about it to people at work or on the phone. But I smile to myself and silently give thanks to the Universe, and very much acknowledge the beauty.

And then, with my actions, I go help others create some beauty in their lives.

I'm really not such a monster.

Beauty lies within the connection you experience while interacting with a person or event or thing...it's the positive and the peaceful and the appreciative that exists during that interaction. The more we're consciously connected to life, the more we interact with all aspects of it in positive and appreciative ways...and the more we do that, the easier it becomes to see beauty in everything.