I've been silent for some time...waiting until I was able to forgive myself for my part in what happened. I've wanted to approach all of you, and have done so in private with some. It seems that some of the dust has settled and that I may now be heard by some who care to read what I've got to say. This is not a defense, but an explaination. You can accept it or not, but it is the truth.


1) what I was doing on that site...
there were only about five people on that site when I was asked to check it out...only one (teller) was a current orger and there was ice and some non-orgers. Teller really wanted some people to just test the forums...and as more and more people were added...well, you know what happened. As the nastiness started I began going there less and less...yes, I did post three things that I regret (I see that they have caused others a lot of pain...no matter how I meant them...which I will explain in a bit) and THAT I am sorry for.

2) The threads about other orgers...if you noticed they were posted by very pissed off banned orgers who had personal vendettas against other people. I was disgusted by what I read...but, chalked it up to a bunch of chest-thumping bullshit that was said out of anger...my idea was to approach the people who said these things after they had gotten the hate out of their systems and would actually listen to me. If you noticed, I didn't jump on any bandwagon on those threads...it was against what I believed. Just like the thread that one posted about slavery...I said it was NOT cool...and I said that slavery was one of the most horrific periods in human history...but, for some reason, that thread didn't make it on to the mirror site.

3) The offensive things I posted...
Well, that was my biggest mistake. I was insensitive...but, NOT racist. I didn't think about how my words would be interpreted by others...I didn't think about how the experiences of others would play into how they would see what I said...
The "spade" thing...I really did see it as a knock against racism...I saw it as absurd and outdated...just how I see racism itself. I really had no idea that the term would be seen as anything but a joke...and I am terribly sorry for that. It was a stupid mistake and I was insensitive.
The "chip on the shoulder" thing was directed toward ONE orger...one person that I believe DOES have a chip on his shoulder...and he could be green, polka-dotted or orange...and it wouldn't make a difference. It's just my opinion. I think because it was posted on THAT particular thread is why people thought I was talking about and entire race of people...which is not what I meant at all and not what I believe. But, looking back I can see how it could be seen that way.
The "bring one and they all will come over" comment...I meant that about what I see as a pack mentality. I know that term has been thrown around the org a lot lately...but, I have seen this for some time. There are certain individuals here who take it upon themselves to pick at people in groups. By no means did I mean to single out any ethnicity. It's not what I meant...and I don't believe that anyway. But, again, because it was on that thread I can see how it could be misunderstood and could hurt others.

Finally...it IS the fact that I hurt others that is just killing me...it was never my intention...but, my biggest mistake. I've been a member of the org on and off for six years now...I've made some good friends and, now, learned some important lessons as well. This place IS a community and, therefore, a certain responsibilty is required of those who wish to remain members. I have not decided, yet, if I will remain here...but, I'm sure either way I will make the right decsion for myself.

I'm not asking for forgiveness...I'm just offering an apology for any hurt I caused and to clear the air, so to speak.

I am expecting this to be met with indifferent and crude comments...which is ok...what I've said has come from my heart and I can do no better.

Yeah, whatever... who cares

Krid said:

Thanks for letting bygones be bygones

http://home.earthlink.net...spades.htm




these explanations are SO outdated!

http://home.earthlink.net...20page.htm






great title for a thread ak is that one of the three? hows tony? funny how he caused you all to come forward with your tails between your legs while he laffs at you all in his private chambers...











I'll bet he still sticks to his opinions ... the day he shows sorrow is ...

Apples the people that matter to you will care, understand and appreciate your thread.

nonchalant said:

Yep...it is, in fact
"quote" edit...
[This message was edited Tue Feb 10 8:47:54 PST 2004 by applekisses]

CarrieLee said:

Thanks, hon...
Better watch out or one of these multiple accounts will attack you...

I said this to you in an Orgnote, I hope you don't mind if I post it here too:

applekisses,

While it's true that I was incredibly surprised to see your name among the other posters on that site, I am in no position to hold grudges or judge people based on one week's worth (or one day's worth) of posts to a test site compared to over two years worth of posts. I think that I've made myself clear that I wanted to put this whole mess behind me, for me... and for Orgers like you who have had to bear this whole ordeal (going on it's second week).

Even though I was never directly attacked on the site, I was hurt in general by what was posted. You make your bed, you lie in your bed... hopefully you get up and make your bed again. Live and learn, I guess. I hold no ill will towards you. I thank you for your explanation to me... though I'm not sure why you feel compelled to tell me... I'm just me. (June7) lol.

I hope you don't go... I hope you stick around until this all goes away. For those who can get over this, you'll continue to be an asset to this site... for those who can't, well... they can avoid your posts and threads. Either way, I will be here, and you're welcome on my posts and threads anytime.

Your friend, - Thomas


C'mon people... we've gotta get over this. Anybody who lives in a glass house, should not throw stones.

June7 said:

Thanks, June...and, no, I don't mind.

you think that racism is "outdated"? then why does it still exist? And even if racism is outdated (which it isn't), that doesn't make hurtful racial terms devoid of any meaning. I think that your comments about the word spade as a racial insult were more than just you being insensitive. perhaps you have just uncovered some "outdated" feelings inside of yourself.

Hi-


Nice to see you have the decency to say all of this. I always thought you were pleasant and you liked me. I hope you find your way through this fiasco. Just to let you know nobody's perfect and we all make mistakes in life. I interacted well with you, and mostly every body else involved at one time or another. I'm not one to hold grudges and I'd rather smile than frown. This was an ugly situation but I've seen and experienced worse in the real world. No crude comments from me to you dear. I'll leave the crude feelings to those that love to hate and try to make everybody suffer.



take it easy
peJ

PEJ said:

I like you alot Pej!

PEJ said:

You're incredible!

The point is it was wrong any way you look at it. Once you saw what was being said about certain orgers you should have left the site and never returned, especially if you considered some of the one's who got bashed on to be friends.

Paisley said:

What? People are being bashed here all the time, it doesn't make me leave the org. So whenever we see something we don't like we have to run away from it? Come on Paisley

CarrieLee said:

Well I dont know about you but if I ever read something here like I read over there (which was totally disgusting) I would want nothing to do with such a place ever again.

applekisses said:

all words we use should be from our heart
thank you i feel your sincerity
i believe that you have learnt from this whole experience
and today is a new day

We talked privately at length, for two or three days straight...rough going at times, but what I appreciated from you was your desire to do so, no matter what occured as we talked...You gave me your time, because you knew I needed it...it let me know that not only did you want to understand what I was feeling, but that you valued my friendship, and valued me. How easy would it have been to say "I don't need this"...or "I don't have to explain myself"...So, personally from me, thank you...

As Pej has said numerous times, this topic needs to be filed under "In The Past"...not the topic of racism, but the topic of Quaidbowl and who-said-what-or-didn't-say-what-on-what-thread...I could start up thread after thread bringing up all sorts of valid and logical reasons for the reaction many here had to seeing that site...but doing so one-on-one serves a far greater good than public venting.

I am sooo lost.

Natsume said:

Natsume said:

Find Lleena.

sag10 said:

I was gonna find 9s by following the stench but instead I will find my dear Llee Lloo instead... thanks saggy

jessyMD32781 said:

I'd like to chime in on this "spade" issue. I saw that thread and I went into it thinking it was gonna be about the card game. I even explained how to play it. lol

Apples, I understand what you were saying about the term being "outdated". I agree to some degree. I haven't heard that used in ages, probably since I was a kid. Nowadays, people tend to go for the juggular right away and use the word "nigger". I haven't heard it in so long that I honestly thought you were discussing the card game. I never even made the connection.

While I think that it's true that the term "spade" isn't part of mainstream vernacular, that does not mean that the word still doesn't have huge meaning to those it was/is used against. I think you do, and did, know that is true. I think your only mistake was in not realizing how much it still means to some people. Now you do. If that is a mistake some people cannot excuse, they aren't apt to no matter what you do or say. All you can do is learn what you learned and move on.

I hope you stay. You always have a friend in me

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

I've never, ever heard it... I was always so confused when I heard Prince use it in Everlasting Now...

Paisley said:

Well I'm telling you now that it's happened here before, so does that mean you're gonna leave now? Seriously, with some people there is no point in arguing, that's how it was over at the other site. I just chose not to read certain threads.

CarrieLee said:

Oh forget it , I give up. oh and one more thing, you're not gonna be able to get rid of me that easy.



IT'S BEEN FUN
[This message was edited Tue Feb 10 12:27:33 PST 2004 by Paisley]

Paisley said:

I'm not trying to get rid of you! I'm just saying that we're all gonna see things we don't like, we can't run away from it everytime. I dunno maybe if I read those threads then I wouldn't have gone back, I just chose not to read them at all because the titles alone made me uninterested.

Okay sorry I really have nothing to do with all of this but since we're mellow could we all just kiss and make out.







If I could pick first I'd like to start with that vixen carrie lee. She could work the stick in my ride. no pun babe it's those jiggling boobies that entice me and you carrie ( get it carry:) ) yourself so well>> >> and before you say a word I 'll have you know that I am not involved in anybody else's multiple account shenanigans. good gawd what a clusterfuck that woukld be. cheers

maybecabdriver said:

She IS a hottie, isn't she?