The Grammys
http://www.tvguide.com/tv/watercooler/


by Rochell Thomas

Some things should not be watched alone. The Grammy Awards is one of them. That's why I had to phone a friend to make it through this marathon, three-and-a-half-hour broadcast which, of course, raised many questions.

1. OK. How did they get the newly religious Prince to come out of self-imposed banishment to perform with Beyonce?

2. Why was Sting hogging the mike during the Beatles tribute? And when did he become the Grammys' official duet slut? (Although that "Roxanne" remix was kind of hot.)

3. Alright. If Justin had not won for Best Pop Male whatever, would he still have had to get up on stage and apologize for Teetgate? Also, could Little Man have had more black people backing him up during his "Senorita" performance with Arturo Sandoval? I mean, seriously, I like Mr. J.T. and all, but he had like, eight backup singers and a 20-person band.

4. Speaking of black people, and I'm African-American so don't go calling TV Guide (just say "that girl Rochell's got issues")... Was CBS just trying to knock out its annual Black People Quota for the year with this one telecast? For real. I know it's Black History Month and I love my people and I love seeing wonderful reflections of us on television. But, for a second I thought I was watching BET. It was almost as if CBS and the Grammy folks were trying to make up for past Grammy evils and say, "See, we're "down, too. We love 'Soul music'! See? See!"

5. Could Alicia Keyes' terrible rendition of Lutha's song have lasted any longer? (And, yes, you've got to say it like that, "Lutha.") Goodness gracious. Apparently, a house is not a home if Alicia sings it. And on Celine Dion, I'm just going to quote my friend Linda. When Celine's mike didn't work, Linda said, "God has spoken." Amen to that.

6. How much do I love Andre 3000 for giving the shortest Grammy speech ever? No, Andre, "Thank you."

7. How gorgeous was Beyonce's hair during her second performance?

8. Am I the only one wondering what was in Snoop's diamond-studded chalice? 'Cause you know it wasn't water. Maybe it was gin and juice. (Sorry, I couldn't resist.)

9. OK, see. Erykah Badu would have had to move if she were sitting in front of me. I'm sorry. You cannot sit here with that double-wide Afro.

10. Holy '80s upgrades, Batman! Patti LaBelle and Richard Marx both look 10 times better now than they did 20 years ago. How is this possible? And do their plastic surgeons do pro bono work?

11. Now to the Andre 3000 and the Outkast finale. I love the song "Hey Ya." That's why I waited 225 minutes to see him perform it. But why was it OK for Andre to have a stereotypical Native American brave theme to his performance? That's just not cute. What is this, Hollywood circa 1950? Come on, y'all. Yes, he was jammin' but, that is not OK. I'm sorry. It's not. In my book, it's up there with Blink 182 having a stage full of midgets during their VMA performance of "All the Small Things." Just because you can make that link doesn't mean you should.

sosgemini said:

I did that too. I watched it with Pill. Without his funny comments it would have been unwatchable!

a group of us got together to watch it...I would've been asleep an hour in otherwise...

endorphin74 said:

omg, that shit was fun...

I kept going, "rraaannnddooommm." Prince and Beyonce doing a Purple Rain medley in 2004? Why? Sting and Dave Matthews and that one other guy doing Beatles songs in 2004? Why? Celine Dion existing in 2004? Why? Earth, Wind, and Fire? What? Why? Black people in neon "native american" gear singing hip pop? Well, why not, I guess. . .

Thank gawd for Tivo, that's all I have to say.