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Oh Canada! These questions about Canada were posted
on an International Tourism Website: 1. Q: I have never seen it warm on Canadian TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK) A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die. 2. Q: Will I be able to see Polar Bears in the street? (USA) A: Depends how much you've been drinking. 3. Q: I want to walk from Vancouver to Toronto - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden) A: Sure, it's only Four thousand miles, take lots of water. . .. 4. Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Canada? (Sweden) A: So its true what they say about Swedes. 5. Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to contact for a stuffed Beaver. (Italy) A: Let's not touch this one. 6. Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Canada? Can you send me a list of them in Toronto, Vancouver, Edmonton and Halifax? (UK) A: What did your last slave die of? 7. Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Canada? (USA) A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Ca-na-da is that big country to your North . . . oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Calgary. Come naked. 8. Q: Which direction is North in Canada? (USA) A: Face south and then turn 90 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions. 9. Q: Can I bring cutlery into Canada? (UK) A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do. 10. Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA) A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is. . . oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Vancouver and in Calgary, straight after the hippo races. Come naked. 11. Q: Do you have perfume in Canada? (Germany) A: No, WE don't stink. 12. Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Canada? (USA) A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather. 13. Q: Can I wear high heels in Canada? (UK) A: You are an American politician, right? 14. Q: Can you tell me the regions on British Columbia where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy) A: Yes, gay nightclubs. 15. Q: Do you celebrate Thanksgiving in Canada? (USA) A: Only at Thanksgiving. 16. Q: Are there supermarkets in Toronto and is milk available all year round? (Germany) A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter gatherers. Milk is illegal. 17. Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Canada who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA) A: All Canadian rattle snakes are perfectly harmless, and can be safely handled and make good pets. 18. Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Canada, but I forget its name. It's a kind of big horse with horns. (USA) A: It's called a Moose. They are tall and very violent eating the brains of anyone walking close to them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking. 19. Q: I was in Canada in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact t he girl I dated while I was staying in Surrey, BC. Can you help? (USA) A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour. 20. Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA) A: Yes, but you will have to learn it first. | |
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Hey Muse !!!
canandians...with their beedi little eyes and flip-floppy heads... | |
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Canada | |
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Moderator | Ohh purple joy oh purple bliss oh purple rapture! REAL MUSIC by REAL MUSICIANS - Prince "I kind of wish there was a reason for Prince to make the site crash more" ~~ Ben |
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The SARS Capitol! | |
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Freespirit said: Canada
12. Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Canada? (USA) A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather. 13. Q: Can I wear high heels in Canada? (UK) A: You are an American politician, right? Now you know my Canadian buddies sent this to me! Those were my favorites! They love to send me anything competitive with America! We have done this for years. | |
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Man...if the org ever discovers this thread, you're gonna BURN. --Teller
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i've lived in Canada my whole life and not once have i ever gone to a hippo race...damn i've been missing out on some good clean naked fun (i usually only have the dirty kind of naked fun!! ) you're only as old as you feel..............so how old do i feel
Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants. | |
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