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Printablecborgman said: chiatweety said: cborgman said: chiatweety said: thanks guys, i'm undacova here as chiatweety. i've actually interacted with many of you in this thread. to answer all at once (at work now so I can't hang long)
Carrie Lee It is a two bedroom and I think this is the only thing that's saving us. We moved in primarily as roommates as we both needed a place. Tweety There IS only one Tweety. On to communication & violence.. There have definitely been some communication breakdowns. I get angry with him and he gets even angrier with me and Ka-Boom.. we're screaming at the top of our lungs. There have been a few knockdown dragouts but it's not like Ike & Tina where one is kicking another's ass for no reason (and too, we are both men). I'm not trying to justify it and it's even hard for me to bounce back from. Let's just say that things are better now but this is part of the reason that I don't feel as attracted to him or as sexual towards him. It's not like I'm playing games (June 7) or maybe I am. I just think that we should have our communication down before we get busy in the sack. P.S. Milty, Why is dump him/her always your response. dump him. once violence has bloomed, it roots in the relationship and destroys it. it might be small amounts of violence now, but it will get worse.and i am not at all suprised to hear that the violence has affected your sex drive within the rleationship, it is quite common within violent relationships. do yourself and him a favor: end it... if you can not, at least seek out counseling as an individual or as a couple. i'm way ahead of you on this. i wanted to go as a couple but he doesn't think we need counseling. he sez he's been there, done that once and it did nothing for him. it's only been 8 months and part of me is saying, we still have much to learn about each other. another part of me is saying it's not supposed to be this hard? i probably would have darted already but we are in a lease until august. trust... if he is violent less than a year in, it will get worse. and i think you are wise enough to see that the fact he has been to couples counseling already and it didn't work out, would be a major red flag that he is serially violent within his relationships. this guy has bad news written all over him. hold up, hold up. i’m the bad guy in all of this because i was the one to get violent first. he started up with this evil bit he does whenever i'm not in the mood. his tone changes and he gives me one word answers, his mannerisms change and it pisses me off to no end. you don’t shut out your lover when they’re simply trying to communicate with you and better understand you. the first time he did it, i had my own place and i threw his things out the door. coincidentally, i'm no longer in this place because of him. another time this happened, i pushed him. the third time this happened, i threw a book of cds at the bathroom door after he had shut me out, closing the door in my face while i was trying to talk to him. just as the cds hit the door, he opened it. the door hit him and he came out swinging. another time, the last time, he punched me in the stomach after i called him a whore then he walked away. i was calm as i followed him into the kitchen but then he started yelling again and i lost it. i started throwing things and he came back swinging. that was a disaster as it ended with me tackling him into the christmas tree. i have a short fuse, yes but i do not appreciate being shut out because I’m not putting out. TRUST ME, i know that we need to get away from each other and i’ve tried but he gets all sad and droopy and i cave in.. again. | |
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chiatweety said: cborgman said: chiatweety said: cborgman said: chiatweety said: thanks guys, i'm undacova here as chiatweety. i've actually interacted with many of you in this thread. to answer all at once (at work now so I can't hang long)
Carrie Lee It is a two bedroom and I think this is the only thing that's saving us. We moved in primarily as roommates as we both needed a place. Tweety There IS only one Tweety. On to communication & violence.. There have definitely been some communication breakdowns. I get angry with him and he gets even angrier with me and Ka-Boom.. we're screaming at the top of our lungs. There have been a few knockdown dragouts but it's not like Ike & Tina where one is kicking another's ass for no reason (and too, we are both men). I'm not trying to justify it and it's even hard for me to bounce back from. Let's just say that things are better now but this is part of the reason that I don't feel as attracted to him or as sexual towards him. It's not like I'm playing games (June 7) or maybe I am. I just think that we should have our communication down before we get busy in the sack. P.S. Milty, Why is dump him/her always your response. dump him. once violence has bloomed, it roots in the relationship and destroys it. it might be small amounts of violence now, but it will get worse.and i am not at all suprised to hear that the violence has affected your sex drive within the rleationship, it is quite common within violent relationships. do yourself and him a favor: end it... if you can not, at least seek out counseling as an individual or as a couple. i'm way ahead of you on this. i wanted to go as a couple but he doesn't think we need counseling. he sez he's been there, done that once and it did nothing for him. it's only been 8 months and part of me is saying, we still have much to learn about each other. another part of me is saying it's not supposed to be this hard? i probably would have darted already but we are in a lease until august. trust... if he is violent less than a year in, it will get worse. and i think you are wise enough to see that the fact he has been to couples counseling already and it didn't work out, would be a major red flag that he is serially violent within his relationships. this guy has bad news written all over him. hold up, hold up. i’m the bad guy in all of this because i was the one to get violent first. he started up with this evil bit he does whenever i'm not in the mood. his tone changes and he gives me one word answers, his mannerisms change and it pisses me off to no end. you don’t shut out your lover when they’re simply trying to communicate with you and better understand you. the first time he did it, i had my own place and i threw his things out the door. coincidentally, i'm no longer in this place because of him. another time this happened, i pushed him. the third time this happened, i threw a book of cds at the bathroom door after he had shut me out, closing the door in my face while i was trying to talk to him. just as the cds hit the door, he opened it. the door hit him and he came out swinging. another time, the last time, he punched me in the stomach after i called him a whore then he walked away. i was calm as i followed him into the kitchen but then he started yelling again and i lost it. i started throwing things and he came back swinging. that was a disaster as it ended with me tackling him into the christmas tree. i have a short fuse, yes but i do not appreciate being shut out because I’m not putting out. TRUST ME, i know that we need to get away from each other and i’ve tried but he gets all sad and droopy and i cave in.. again. oh... well, regardless of who initiates what, this relationship strikes me (pun not intended) as being very bad for the BOTH of you Power tends to corrupt; absolute power corrupts absolutely. - Lord Acton | |
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Think about what would be the best thing for you to do (listen to your gut) and DO IT.  Until then, please take care of yourself. | |
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