Okay, so a lot of you know the gist of the story. He's a complete asshole, but I love him so much...

I don't know what to do. He called the other day, he lost his job, and he "needs me more than he's ever needed me before" and "a long talk would do both of us good", as he said. He wants me to go and stay with him because he's depressed and more than likely wants me to help him out and be like Little Miss Wifey now, after what he did to me. Besides, what am I going to be able to do for him? He's 29, a grown man, and I'm 19. He's a big boy, and he certainly didn't "need" me before when I was "too young". What about all of the times I was lonely and needed him? He couldn't even pick up the phone.

I don't want to be dumb and let him take advantage of the feelings that he knows I still have, but I don't know what to do. I keep thinking that maybe he genuinely needs me, and if I could show him how much I care by being there for him through everything that's happened, things would be back to how they were.

That sounds completely ridiculous, because I have nothing to prove to him; he was the one who hurt me, but I love him and I have no idea what to do.


[This message was edited Sun Jan 11 5:43:06 PST 2004 by theVelvetRoper]

what's more important...him...or the broken pieces of ur heart ?

He's more important to me. My heart will eventually get better, but even though I love him, he's hurt me so much and I just don't know what to do. It's dumb, I know, but I think I'm just going to see him tomorrow...

he's an asshole, depressed, ignored ur feelings in the past, needy and he has hurt u. Beware...u wanna know the future ? Look at what u had with him in the past. That's my advise. Do with it what u want. I wish u good luck !

+ if u go back, u sort of saying it's okay what he did 2 u in the past. So it's working 4 him, and ppl do what work. U have 2 learn ppl how 2 treat u.
It will leave u with a good feeling, selfworth and respect, really.

princess said:

Thank you.

run girlie, run as fast as you can and don't look back

We can't tell U what to settle for, but U sure as hell deserve so much better!

theVelvetRoper said:

how old are you, 12?

rdhull said:

Hey! I know it might sound stupid to someone outside of the situation but give the kid a break! Your heart will sometimes lead you places your head tells you not to go. Why belittle her when it's obvious she is in pain? What is the point of making her feel worse?

Sweeny79 said:

Well maybe instead of babying her ass or placating her ..a different stance is what she needs instead of bullshit.

edit: and I didnt mean to belittle..it was a "someone is mistreating you so bad" then you really do need to wake the fuck up ....that isnt belittling that's just honesty
[This message was edited Sun Jan 11 11:58:27 PST 2004 by rdhull]

I went back. We had a huge row and things went from bad
to absolutely peachy. Everything seemed perfect and I
was in heavenly bliss.

For three days, that is. That's when things started to
slowly get back to the way they were before. Except
this time round they got worse, because, as someone has
pointed out on this thread, I kind of gave the signal
that I was ok with what happened before.

Cuz I came back, didn't I?

Despite everything I just kept hanging on. And this ex
was -like your's- also 10 years my senior. Yet, on an
emotional level still a teenager.

I found it too hard to deal with all his shit and take
the load of the burden everytime as if it was all just
the most natural thing in the world.

What people fail to realise is that a relationship is
supposed to be fun first and 4most. Yet a lot of people
just take and take and take until you're completely and
utterly drained.

Then when you can't go on anymore because you're just
too emotionally and physically exhausted, they turn
around and just cast you aside.

Make you out to be the bad guy/girl who caused them so
much grief and hurt. Make you believe that they did so
much for you all the time and that you didn't do enough
in return.

But as I said, I went back, things went potty again soon
after and I just had to run again. It was a kind of plea
from my side to see if he'd come over or call and ask
ME for a change to please come back and sort thing out
rightly once and for all.

And you know what? He never called again. Just shoved me
aside and that was it.

The worst thing is, I still love this moron so much that
it hurts. If he'd call tonight, I'd be over there in a
second.

But what good would that be? Things would only turn out
to be as bad as they were again. Perhaps even worse.

It's such a difficult situation because people really
get to prey on your emotions when you still hurt and
are still in love. You only want to be together and
have a nice time and they know that. So that makes you
more easy to call back and dominate again than it
would be for them to go out and find someone else.

I don't really have any advice, I just wanted to tell
you that I know how much it sucks.

rdhull said:

Tact.

crazyhorse said:

bingo

LittlePill said:

oh please..what yall see as tact is what keeps kept her hangin on to the "asshole" this long..."whateva"

rdhull said:

you know what, they're right

I just had a "lightbulb" moment



If mofo ever calls again I'll cuss at him
till the receiver breaks.

rdhull said:

Oh so it's tough love than right?

Look I agree with what you are saying, I understand where you are coming from but making her feel worse is not going to help anyone. There are many ways to say the same thing without attacking her as a person. my

Sweeny79 said:

Sweeny79 said:

And here is my two cents: a guy is treating her and has been treating her like an asshole that he is...now you can go the route of "ahhh there there...lets try and sort this out" when u know, and I know, and she knows that she is much too old to be acting like she's in junior high being mistreated by some idiot who jerks off before 6th period...because that is the stance she is taking in the explanation. She needs to make a grown up decision nbot a school girl one..thats my two cents my opinion and Im sticking to it...yall go head and do the Oprah.


.
[This message was edited Sun Jan 11 12:04:54 PST 2004 by rdhull]

rdhull said:

Now, where the fuck were you when I needed some good old
common sense kicked into me



He's right people. Don't take on the submissive roll and
just have enough selfrespect to say "fuck off wanker, go
try your trick on someone else".

Reading back my own post above, I realised what kind of
pathetic stance I've been taking these past months. God,
I could have spent my time so much better doing some stuff
with my fam and friends or just on my own instead of just
sitting here feeling sorry for myself.

and I ddint "attack" her Sweeny... stop using code words to cloud or percieve shit...th e "are u 12" means .."now you know whats right and wrong...and what th e ultimate decision that needs to be taken...now go do it". Dont trip and make it into some "attack"
[This message was edited Sun Jan 11 12:07:40 PST 2004 by rdhull]

rdhull said:

Oprah???!!!

I ain't trying to be Oprah! If you scan up a bit I told her to drop the loser too. I agree she needs to get away from him but I refuse to make her feel like any less of a person because her heart is having trouble letting go.

Sweeny79 said:

what the fuck ever lol...yeah thats exactly what I was doing..:"trying to make her feel less of a person" etc..please! Just becau I wasn't raised by Mary Poppins an d come at it a different way ( straight no chaser) DO NOT attempt to tell me that Im trying to hurt somebody just because its not the same way that you subscribe too. Some nerve.

Velvet, after all this advise pointing to the same exact thing, you know full well what to do with this dickweed. What it comes down to now is: Do you have the backbone to do it? Or are you a glutton for punishment?

The decision is up to you... and you kinda deserve whatever you get this time around.

rdhull said:

Code word? I'm not sure what that means exactly. Attack isn't code word for shit it means exactly what it says.

Look,I'm sorry if I read more into what you originally said. It seemed to me like you were being unnecessarily cold to her. But whatever

rdhull said:

Like I just said. We are both saying the same thing. I just feel some sensitivity would help her more than coldness.

Sweeny79 said:[quote]

rdhull said:

THANK YOU



yeah it "seemed", to YOU...yeah, "whatever" is right.

Sweeny79 said:

Sweeny darling...you are hardly the one to be giving me advice...especially after the last public fiasco reminiscent of this of yours that I never called you out on when u tried ot pull this shit

I will leave it at that

.
[This message was edited Sun Jan 11 12:18:41 PST 2004 by rdhull]

Rdhull, I really do understand what you are saying! And for the record I was NOT raised my Mary Poppins.Ok,I'm gonna stop now, but I just want you to put yourself in her position. 19 in love, hurt and confused. Is someone telling you "oh grow up" really going to benefit you at all?

Try to treat others the way you wish to be treated is all I am saying.