This has got to be the worst time of year for me...
As grumpy as I normally am, this season increases that grumpiness a million times over...
Some of you know why...and...well...just so those of you who don't, I'll say this...I have some very good reasons to be in such a state...
All in all, it just boils down to the fact that I get to spend yet another X-Mas/New Years with only my thoughts and memories of seasons past...and nothing else...and no one else...
Not to be anymore of a downer than I've already been, but, I honestly don't know how much more of this I'm expected to have to take...
Perhaps, next year will be different...I'll either have someone to be with or I won't be here at all...
We'll see...
Anyway...
A l'il something to everyone...
Enjoy this "holy-day" season...may it bring you happiness, prosperity, and love...and remember to give it back in kind...
Okay...I'm about done for now...

i feel ya monkey...just drown it out with some bombay sapphire and a big fat zoot.

thank you, summerdawn...not needed, but appreciated...
Ardeo...nope...drinking's not good for me...and I don't do drugs *ick*...but, it's the thought that counts, right?

TheMadMonkey said:

yep, the feeling

anyway...back to my zoot...xmas is cancelled this year kids...cmy cheque aint cleared

TheMadMonkey said:

How come ??

too many reasons, Blueview...too many reasons...

I'm not feeling particularly perky today. We need a " I think I'll just stand over there and watch" emoticon.

TheMadMonkey said:

Nobody likes to be lonely bu t think of it this way..you are way more ortunate than some person laying in an alley bleeding to death...or someone who is on their deathbed thgis season...or someone who is breaking up withn their loved one...much less fortunate ...think of just what u are blessed with..or even help someone who is less fortunate than you. I know it is basic but sometimes thats all we need to hear to help us through another season of this that is the worst fomr some...everybody is all glory filled makes it worse I see but u may not see your very own blessings...but nevertheless here's hoping u find someone to share this time of year with or even next year...sooner or later you will

TheMadMonkey said:

Name me the worst one !!

we love you!!!

you could spend this time doing volunteer work, i'm away from my family and that's what i'm gonna do. helping out toys for tots organization up until they don't need me, then i'm going to work at a soup kitchen on christmas night. will make you feel better to know you're making a difference, i promise.

Is that what you need?
Do you want more?

TheMadMonkey said:

please please please don't talk like that. this time of year is the worst for everyone. there's the stress involved with shopping, writing cards, decorating, etc etc, and/or loneliness for those who don't have great relationships with their family. stick it out Please. if you don't have friends to spend the season with, seek out people you have something in common with by joining organizations for things that interest you.
check your orgnote.

I admit that I do find it very comforting to see such support for the way I feel...thank you one and all...
I'm sorry that I can't go more indepth into it...but, rest assured, it will pass...eventually...only to return next year...
There is one person in this whole wide universe who can take it all away from me and make me...well, for sake of being sappy, feel and be complete again...
Unfortunately, that can't happen...not now, for the forseeable future, and/or maybe never...
And, also, unfortunately...there is nothing else that will be able to do that...which just adds to my depression...
So...with that in mind...
Blueview: I have my reasons...
conch: you're very kind and you're ideas are wonderful, but they're not what I need
Lleena: that's what the "lurking" emoticon is for (yet another I refuse to use)
rdhull: same as conch
Whateva: yes, that would help...but from that "one person" I mentioned earlier

i hope that you'll try doing a little bit of volunteering, maybe just work at a soup kitchen one night this year or early next year. maybe it won't help but at least you'll have done something positive and productive
i think if this relationship will never be realized, you should work on healing yourself and jump into the dating pool as soon as possible. it's hard for everyone to let go of love, especially first love. i'm sure you don't Want to move on but the sooner you do the better off you'll be.

I feel the same way U are feeling, Mad...every year!! During the Christams seasons, I think about the past and how it feels so much like a dream...and then wish I can go back. U can only live thru this moment once...so every year, I embrace the moment all I can so that it won't slip away. Christmas does give U the blues. And if it does, always remember your freinds and loved ones and be around them. That way, U can share the good times with those people.

Hope U feel much better and brighter, Mad.
Merry Christmas to U and A wonderfull New Year.

TheMadMonkey said:

Time is a great healer. Take care of yourself. You're stronger than you think

oh...conch...
got your Orgnote...thank you...check yours...
as for volunteering...
like I said, it's a wonderful idea...but, for a person to do that, they'd have to actually enjoy being around people...
I don't...never have and don't see that coming around anytime soon either...that's not talk coming from how my state of mind currently is...that's just how I've always been...
in general, I do not like being around people...'nuff said...
so...seriously...volunteering is really not for me...
but, for someone else who may be in an identical situation as I am, I would definitely hope that they would try something like that...
...as much as it wouldn't work for me, it really is a great idea...

monetary donation?

Missy: thank you for the kind words
Lleena: same as Missy...and...all that has brought me here are things that time will never heal...and...I do know how strong I really am...

listen to martina. please remember that most everyone has a love in life that is so powerful, usually the first one. i'm not belittling it or what it means to you, i'm saying that you're Not alone.

MadMonkey I think you should come spend some time with me..

I would offer you support, a place just to be you, and a smile..

TheMadMonkey said:

i'm the volunteer coordinator for our community center, and i can tell you that several of our volunteer positions don't require personal interaction. if you have writing skills, you could volunteer to write a grant for an organization. or you could handle the accounting for a small agency, if you're good at those kinds of things. and of course, there's always volunteer work with animals - at a sanctuary, or at your local animal shelter. in any of those ways, you're making a significant contribution that can only make you feel better!

y'know...this thought just occurred to me...
some people may think that I've made this post as an attempt to get some attention...
well...in answer to that probable and eventual accusation, I'll say this...
if you know me, then you know that I do nothing for attention...I do not want/need attention...
sometimes, I've been told, it's good for the soul to just open up once in a while and just air things out...and that's all I'm doing here...
so, I humbly ask that if anyone feels that I'm doing this for attention to please not post it here...that is not what this is about...
to those who can accept, without questioning, my motives...I once again say, "Thank you"...

i don't know you very well but i know you better than that

I for one appreciate people sharing their thoughts and feelings... Happy or sad it doesn't matter.

I don't know you, and I still wish you well.

i.b.: very good words, indeed...but, the situation goes far deeper that even I had ever imagined...and, no, I'm not going to get into it...except to say that the other person is aware of it and understands and accepts it...
sag10: thank you for the invite...tempting...but, since I have no clue where you're from, I'm going to have to pass...
to everyone: I don't mean to be rude or unappreciative by saying this, but...that's a big NO on the volunteering...so, please stop with that...
I have tried it before...it's not going to help me...plain and simple...
once again...it is a wonderful idea and thank you for the initial suggestion...but, it's not for me...'nuff said...